Wanker

By fired - 09/08/2013 22:17

Spicy
Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML
I agree, your life sucks 48 247
You deserved it 7 486
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Top comments

obnum 19

I'll never understand why some people feel the need to be asses.

114 0

Comments

assassinbanana0 20

They should make a button for that Oh wait..

102 11
starile 19

We ALLLL know what "funny stories" he was reading on the toilet, right FML? Half of you are doing it right now.

96 2
Bloodangel4ever 14

Of course I'm not... such an inconvenient place to read! But yeah I am.

26 2
imaginaryvoice 18

I'm sorry but if I hear weird noises in the bathroom, I finish my business and then leave. He'd be the same jackass to hear footsteps in the attic and decide it's a good idea to go up there and say "Hello?" with nothing but a match, because apparently cellphones are extremely unheard of in situations like that.

21 1
nurchok 15

#26, not half, bro/sis, whoever is reading your comment is doing it, so everyone is... :)

2 1
PinkieKeen 20

I've seen douchenozzle and douchecandle. Now douchecanoe?

52 7
iAlissa 34

I also thought shitlord was highly entertaining.

78 7
girlbye23 15

That is an amazing concoction of words

33 4
bvb123 6

Douchecanoe comes from a YouTuber it's mattg124

14 30
Narcoterrorist 6

How is the coworker shallow? Unless you are referring to the dimensions of the douchecanoe.

27 5
iAlissa 34

Shallow for being an assuming asshole, making up a BS story to their boss, and getting OP fired.

22 5
skitzymew 19

Douchecanoe is all over. There's actualy a song called douchecanoe! I think this is a first that I've seen anyone type/say it outside my friends. :P

14 1
j_cat187 19

#2 I saw one of those on Craigslist if you want one.

9 3
iAlissa 34

#65 Wow I really could use one on my trip to ******** Lake. How much is it?

16 1
lisslyi 19

Douchecanoe and shitlord made my week! :P

9 1
obnum 19

I'll never understand why some people feel the need to be asses.

114 0
webbface 25

I don't understand why you would get into trouble if you masturbated in the bathroom.

9 3
whiteboy896 9

maybe he was in the food buissness :)

3 1
klutchh4 9

Hopefully karma kicks his ass

62 1
CallMeMcFeelii 13

I'm with OP doing it himself. Just make sure to sport a ski mask and some Bane-ish speaking device so they can't describe you to the police. And with the Bane mask you can say ridiculous phrases to catch him off guard. You can thank me later, OP. Haha.

14 1
ArtinHopar 16

I thought OP was doing it himself.

3 1
isallwaysme 27

do you two have a history? or did he just do that because he wanted to ruin your day

52 0
themogsta7 5

thats also an invasion of privacy, and why was he looking over the divider? sounds like a creeeeeper

72 1
brittanycrush 8

How is that more if a downer on you than him? You chuckled, he looks under the stall, and You're at fault?

3 26
MrSarary 26

Some people just have nothing better to do then ruin other people's days

21 0
JasonUMN 15

What a shitty co-worker. Hopefully your boss will flush this incident down and allow you to continue working.

27 2