Intimacy: Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called...

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By Anonymous - 12/01/2012 00:26 - United States

Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 099

You deserved it 4 744

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 20:34 - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 743

You deserved it 32 292

Surprise

By iamnotfat - 06/02/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 812

You deserved it 4 504

By Lukey1028 - 14/07/2015 01:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 345

You deserved it 3 463

The walls have ears

By Anonymous - 09/08/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, while sitting at a table in a coffee shop, I overheard someone on the next table talking about their horrible boss. I joined in, complaining about mine, and going into great detail about what an arsehole he can be. Turns out, I was talking to my boss's sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 675

Hearsay

By froyo - 26/02/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 444

You deserved it 4 418

By Wallz99 - 19/04/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 376

You deserved it 23 378

Classic

By Daniel - 09/08/2021 16:01

Today, at work, I casually mentioned I was meeting some friends for dinner. My co-worker's response was, "You have friends?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 105

What a cad!

By the2girls - 09/08/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 272

You deserved it 5 235

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 838

You deserved it 7 161

Blame the pooch

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 348

You deserved it 32 318

Pentium_4 27

Thursday 12 January 2012 8:56

oh man....next time you smell fish, you know what to say. BUT, only cause she was mean first ;)

StoryOfTheYear 14

Thursday 12 January 2012 8:57

No meat-lovers today?

Comments

lishy1311 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 11:07

LOLOLOLOL

Epsilonyx 15

Thursday 12 January 2012 11:29

She's clearly referring to the fact that you forgot to buy sausage for breakfast last week. No worries.

brock329 3

Thursday 12 January 2012 23:59

Hopefully your right or he has a small problem

Ins_Knie 2

Thursday 12 January 2012 11:42

She referred to herself. It's called 'penis envy'?

SgtTrAv 3

Thursday 12 January 2012 12:27

Enzyte time

Clamcreepy 7

Thursday 12 January 2012 12:28

You should've said the number comeback in that situation " that's not what you were saying last night"

yourXwillh8me 3

Thursday 12 January 2012 13:34

tell her it fits her sister nicely.

unoffensivename 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 13:48

Somesones either a bitch or on her period

CuddleMePanda 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 13:57

Tell her it's not your fault her vag feels like you can throw a hotdog in a hallway.

GypsyRover 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 14:16

Next time she says "give me 12" and hurt me", put it to her twice and punch her in the eye.

Fylminesawsome 5

Thursday 12 January 2012 14:17

Maybe the reason she cant feel it is cuz shes super loose.........

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The Top

Today, my girl was giving me a BJ when my dog started howling. She keeps going; my dog keeps howling. She stops, my dog stops. We start getting it on again and my girl starts giving me a BJ again; my dog starts howling louder this time. So we stop. My dog stopped me from getting some. This is a first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 253

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The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 58 737

You deserved it 18 652

Today, I realized that my new haircut makes me look like a movie star. Not Scarlett Johansson, no. I look like Lord Farquaad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 703

You deserved it 4 652

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I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 128

Today, I have realised that since I get laid so infrequently, every time I have sex now, it kickstarts my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 215

You deserved it 327

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I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 238

Today, my boss scheduled a staff breakfast at a swanky new restaurant for all the hard work we've been doing. The dining area is on the roof, and the building has no elevator. I've been in a wheelchair for 11 years. When I brought this to my boss's attention, he said it wasn't his problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 586

You deserved it 3 344