Intimacy: Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called...

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By Anonymous - 12/01/2012 00:26 - United States

Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 099

You deserved it 4 744

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 20:34 - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, I called my boyfriend during his lunch break. He started to place his order at a fast food joint, and trying to be funny, I started moaning sexily after each part of his order. I eventually realised I was on speaker when I heard snickering in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 743

You deserved it 32 293

Surprise

By iamnotfat - 06/02/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 812

You deserved it 4 504

By Lukey1028 - 14/07/2015 01:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 345

You deserved it 3 463

The walls have ears

By Anonymous - 09/08/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, while sitting at a table in a coffee shop, I overheard someone on the next table talking about their horrible boss. I joined in, complaining about mine, and going into great detail about what an arsehole he can be. Turns out, I was talking to my boss's sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 675

Hearsay

By froyo - 26/02/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 444

You deserved it 4 418

By Wallz99 - 19/04/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 376

You deserved it 23 378

Classic

By Daniel - 09/08/2021 16:01

Today, at work, I casually mentioned I was meeting some friends for dinner. My co-worker's response was, "You have friends?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 105

What a cad!

By the2girls - 09/08/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 272

You deserved it 5 235

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my girlfriend. The waitress came up and asked for her number, then asked if she had a significant other. I laughed as my girlfriend gave the waitress her number. They're going on a date, tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 838

You deserved it 7 161

Blame the pooch

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 348

You deserved it 32 318

Pentium_4 27

Thursday 12 January 2012 8:56

oh man....next time you smell fish, you know what to say. BUT, only cause she was mean first ;)

StoryOfTheYear 14

Thursday 12 January 2012 8:57

No meat-lovers today?

Comments

jessjxx_fml 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 14:24

lmfaooo thats funny

Jem777 6

Thursday 12 January 2012 14:42

That's when you tell your boss that you're full on huge gaping vaginas

irishman1989 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 15:04

Dick enhancements bro

perdix 29

Thursday 12 January 2012 15:20

Also, tell your boss you're going to have to dump the anchovies -- they are beginning to stink and none likes them.

jad07 0

Thursday 12 January 2012 16:47

It's a sad day when your girlfriend says your short on sausage. You should dump that fishy smell

pussapian 3

Thursday 12 January 2012 16:53

This is why you don't date your co-worker...

RedPillSucks 31

Thursday 12 January 2012 17:02

They may have been dating before they were coworkers. Not enough info

EvilDave 13

Thursday 12 January 2012 17:15

OP, you need to listen to Sam Kinison bit about what to do with women who say you have a small penis.

davek 36

Thursday 12 January 2012 18:17

What what

Aerofresh 3

Thursday 12 January 2012 18:20

Dang that was cold! That's just not cool you don't make small penis remarks we are sensitive about what's down there.

CaptainPickles72 18

Thursday 12 January 2012 18:50

in the butt!

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The Top

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 021

You deserved it 57 621

Today, my husband came home and sat in his car out front for fifteen minutes. I went and knocked on the door, asking what he was doing. Apparently, I always dump so much shit on him the second he walks in the door that he needs a little peace between work and coming home to me. Ungrateful ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 1 373

The Top

Today, I tried to point out to a chap in a van waiting at the lights that his tyre was flat, and that the rim had been spitting sparks all the way down the road. I was told in no uncertain terms, “Mind your own bleedin' business!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 173

Today, I discovered my deadbeat ex-husband will not have to pay child support anymore, because while he sat on CERB the entire pandemic, I was an essential worker, and will be punished for having had an actual income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 172

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 827

You deserved it 5 557

Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 5 453

Today, while I was working at a gas station, a man came up to the register with his zipper undone and his penis hanging out in full view. I had to awkwardly hand him his change while trying not to look or make eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 715

You deserved it 1 654

Today, I was approached by a police officer who instructed me to move because I was "threatening the elderly". I was sitting on a park bench in front of an old folks home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 484

You deserved it 3 191