Health: Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after... - FML

By facepalm - 05/02/2013 03:30 - United States - Sayreville

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 305

You deserved it 9 508

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 20/06/2021 08:01

Today, as a nursing student, I needed to take a blood sample from someone and the veins on his arms weren't really easy to draw blood from. I asked him, "Can I please look at your legs?" It turns out he was amputated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 282

By Medic - 29/10/2012 03:10 - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 612

You deserved it 4 344

Funny, thanks

By picklebug - 26/07/2013 16:25 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 733

You deserved it 10 288

Lightweight

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 06:00

Today, I went to the doctor for a routine check-up. When the nurse took my blood pressure, I passed out, and fell off the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 128

By sozzy - 07/07/2012 07:26 - United States - Aliso Viejo

Today, I went to my regular pharmacist of three months, and since I've always seen him on a crutch, I asked him how his leg was. His response, "Still missing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 498

You deserved it 7 014

Classic blunder

By churchman - 28/06/2021 00:01 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I serve at church and had a funeral. As I greeted the family, someone asked how I was doing. Without thought, I responded, "Good to be alive." FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 794

Unprofessional

By Anonymous - 08/07/2022 04:00

Today, while at the hospital recovering from surgery, I overheard my doctor tell one of the nurses I'm so fat I could start a grease fire if left near an open flame. They thought I was still unconscious. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 392

By Notpunny - 18/04/2016 22:58 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 193

You deserved it 7 862

By Anonymous - 14/04/2012 16:24 - United States - San Juan Capistrano

Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 837

You deserved it 3 288

TMI

By Deweyboy - 30/10/2016 04:23

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 765

You deserved it 731

Next

Top comments

dmoran20 27

Tuesday 5 February 2013 9:48

Sounds like you walked right into that..

a1f0sff 25

Tuesday 5 February 2013 9:47

The force of habit can be a bitch sometimes...

Comments

ultimatitan 1

Wednesday 6 February 2013 3:44

If you had taken my leg id still laugh that's epic

Geary519 20

Thursday 7 February 2013 13:53

facepalm X 100

xxsakuraxx 29

Friday 8 February 2013 5:33

Hahaha thats awesome! I would've cracked up if I were her.

ihearuscreamin 13

Friday 8 February 2013 7:43

You sure put your foot in your mouth on that one

ChelseaRaeS 7

Friday 8 February 2013 21:46

It's alright, she's still got another leg, right?

HereNReady 13

Monday 11 February 2013 11:58

You should've asked if she worked at IHOP too

gio4467 7

Tuesday 19 February 2013 18:10

OMG the puns LOL

Leeroy2259 4

Thursday 12 December 2013 15:22

too damn funny

Keywords

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The Top

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 684

You deserved it 9 289

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me with other women from all the hickeys and scratch marks he has. But to top it off, he's slowly been moving out for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 247

The Top

Today, I was talking to my crush about making the soccer team. Excited, he congratulated me and asked for my number. I gave him my cellphone number. He laughed and said "your jersey number". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 675

You deserved it 11 405

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 035

You deserved it 7 151

Today, I was in the grocery store buying a few things. A sales associate came over the intercom system saying, "Attention Safeway customers. If you drive a blue Subaru, it's rolling into 18th Ave." Everyone laughed except me. I forgot to set the brake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 725

You deserved it 48 535

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 083

You deserved it 7 403

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 292

You deserved it 36 045

Today, I tried to fix my wife's brakes and change her oil before I worked on my truck. Seven hours later both vehicles are unusable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 469

You deserved it 5 876