Health, Wake up, Painful and Parents: WAKEY WAKEY - FML

WAKEY WAKEY

By izaya - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Muskogee

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 914

You deserved it 2 211

Back to school: Courses and confusion
When the campus comes back to life, anecdotes abound between the lecture halls and student parties! More…

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Top comments

YveltalLugia 17

Monday 6 July 2015 10:02

You should probably talk to someone, notably the cops.

pabj208 23

Monday 6 July 2015 10:00

That's assault...

Comments

sprints54 19

Thursday 9 July 2015 10:18

Get him back lol

Walter_Sobchak 7

Thursday 16 July 2015 9:41

Sounds like the Oklahoma I know and hate, let me guess. it was somewhere around Bixby?

robthegray 3

Thursday 23 July 2015 23:25

make sure you're north of the mason Dixon by 2040 because when I become president I plan on selling the entire south to mexico to piss off all the rednecks

anonymous198913 26

Monday 25 January 2016 8:15

I think that's illegal... Talk to someone about it

cbewley6402 4

Thursday 4 August 2016 17:37

call the cops

BaconForMoi 14

Friday 15 June 2018 7:53

Is no one going to question if the stepfather got in trouble for abuse?

Keywords

Cute Love Surprise Texting My ex Awkward Wanker Intimacy Sex Sleep Health Insomnia Mental health Cooking Food Kids Weekend Parents Miscellaneous Annoying Pranks Embarrassing Work Technology Coworkers Zoom Roommate Argument Cats Animals

The Top

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 315

You deserved it 8 594

Today, my college instructor told me I hadn't actually failed a big exam as he originally said. It turns out he'd mixed me up with another student. Now thanks to the power of gossip, half my class thinks I slept with him so he'd switch my grade with the other student's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 686

You deserved it 1 360

The Top

Today, I found out that I'm not welcome at my boyfriend's dad funeral, because his ex-wife has invited herself, and it would be too awkward to explain to his extended family, most of whom apparently don't yet know that he's divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 420

You deserved it 925

Today, I "hacked" my girlfriend's phone and found out she's been cheating on me for the last 6 months. She's pissed at me because I hacked her phone and invaded her privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 429

Today, I told my boyfriend that I loved him for the first time. The L-word is probably one of the only things I'm scared to say, so what did he do? He stared at me blankly before making a farting noise with his mouth and asking if he could go get Chicken Express for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 952

You deserved it 5 204

Today, since my daughter refuses to eat any kind of soup whatsoever, I asked her "What are you gonna do when you’re on a date?" She replied with, "Uh...not order soup?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 1 892

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 855

You deserved it 3 408

Today, I began training my replacement at work. She's a senior citizen. She got excited when I taught her how to highlight text on the screen and double-click the mouse because she "never knew how to do those fancy tricks." The job is entirely computer-based. I have to train her for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 705

You deserved it 2 744