Health, Embarrassing and Awkward: Wakey wakey - FML

Wakey wakey

By 30000 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 488

You deserved it 13 201

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Top comments

Jasim 17

Friday 2 January 2015 15:09

Let's hope you focus more when you poop. :)

elljoy 10

Friday 2 January 2015 14:59

Still drunk from NYE? ;)

Comments

Envy22 32

Monday 19 November 2018 7:15

Were you drunk or half asleep?

FluffythePink 21

Sunday 12 February 2023 13:13

Welcome to being human and the inexplicable wonders of Brain Farts. The amount of times I've tried putting the kettle in the fridge and the milk on to boil in the morning... All you can do is laugh at yourself.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers Ironic Video games Zoom

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 18

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 306

You deserved it 3 563

The Top

Today, some aggressive asshole was tailgating me on my way home, bumping into me twice. I got scared and kicked my car into high gear and got out of there. Seconds later, a traffic cop came out of nowhere and pulled me over for speeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 825

You deserved it 8 905

Today, I went to change my one year-old son's diaper and it was a total disaster! He'd picked at his diaper and it came loose. There was poop all over his sleeper, and when I went to clean it up, he put his hands in it. Let's just say I threw the damn sleeper away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 218

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 785

You deserved it 7 134

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 621

You deserved it 2 548

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 543

You deserved it 6 885

Today, my husband won't talk to me because he got mad when I asked him what he thought about 'that lame performance last night'. He doesn't believe that I really was talking about football. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 264

You deserved it 8 334