Intimacy, Embarrassing, Awkward and Contraception: Why would you stick that there?

Why would you stick that there?

By Co-B - 03/09/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 886

You deserved it 61 117

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Same thing different taste

Rushed

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 20:53 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 661

You deserved it 44 724

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 898

You deserved it 40 486

Pet detective

By badluckdrew - 01/05/2009 14:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 617

You deserved it 20 662

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 226

You deserved it 26 157

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 728

You deserved it 6 025

Missing

By Anon - 04/08/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 661

You deserved it 20 289

By Rob - 06/06/2012 16:02 - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 751

You deserved it 42 646

By Tucker - 18/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 469

You deserved it 8 798

By Brian - 04/05/2009 23:27 - United States

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 548

You deserved it 64 580

By Otherguy - 18/11/2008 07:36 - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 9 416

CherishFlowers 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:09

Eww... don't keep it in your pocket.

DameGreyWulf 0

Friday 4 September 2009 1:10

OH WELL... uh, at least they know you're safe!

Comments

youlose_ 0

Friday 4 September 2009 8:22

souvenirs, anyone?? =]

Htownmichigan 0

Friday 4 September 2009 8:42

Lotion 4 later! That's awesome!!! Hahaha XD

cocky 0

Friday 4 September 2009 9:05

Used condom.. in your pocket? WTF. Moron.

Azura94 0

Friday 4 September 2009 9:17

Looks like  and  were tryin to prevent making  Oh i love this spell number app.

onyxindigo 0

Friday 4 September 2009 9:29

Yuck, why the **** would you put it in your pocket ?! Even if it was tied it'd have ****** juice all over it. Disgusting, YTDI

tenkenshi 2

Friday 4 September 2009 9:49

lol ****** juice. I'm sure he wouldn't mind it being in his pocket if he was willing to have sex with her.

MiseryMan 0

Friday 4 September 2009 10:07

I keep all my used condoms for sentimental value. Is that weird?

jaaxx_fml 0

Friday 4 September 2009 10:24

I personally wrap my condoms in toilet paper and wet it so when it drys it appears to be a ball of toilet paper in the garbage not a used condom

kokalade 0

Friday 4 September 2009 11:31

Who the hell keeps a used condom in his pocket :S

funny_as_f00ck 0

Friday 4 September 2009 11:37

You should have said "Any one thirsty?"

deliapearl 0

Friday 4 September 2009 11:57

Keep yo hands outta my pocket!!!

Keywords

Love Anniversary Cute Food Pranks Pizza Roommate Animals Cats Miscellaneous Family Relatable Mental health OCD Health ADHD Work Embarrassing Public freakouts Awkward Concert Music Clumsy Lonely Scams Management Sex Moving home Ironic Relationship advice

The Top

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 442

You deserved it 378

Today, I surprised my boyfriend by baking him some cookies for the first time. He took a bite and said, "Wow, these taste exactly like the ones my mom used to make!" I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd used a store-bought mix, because I can’t bake to save my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 166

The Top

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 325

You deserved it 9 464

Today, my 21 year-old daughter sent me the longest, violent, most hateful text I've ever seen in my life. Apparently she opposes me marrying her best friend of 12 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 2 429

Today, after losing all my hair to chemo, I finally felt brave enough to go out without a wig or a headscarf. I expected some weird looks. I didn’t expect a woman in a store to point to me and tell her daughter, “See what feminism does to women? She’ll never have a husband, I bet!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 401

You deserved it 174

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 294

You deserved it 54 217

Today, after a nice Thanksgiving with my parents, and the usual question about when I'll bring a woman with me to meet them, I absentmindedly launched the usual dating app. I swiped completely dry with no matches, reminding myself that my entire city doesn't have one person interested in dating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 1 105

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 696

You deserved it 12 514