Intimacy, Sex, Weird and Awkward: Winky

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Winky

By XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - 11/04/2025 21:00 - Romania

Today, I was going to have sex with a girl, but when I got my dick out she said, "You got a nice winky." Who the fuck calls a dick a winky unless they're in kindergarten? Felt like I brought home a toddler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 167

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Same thing different taste

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 01/02/2023 06:00

Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 1 256

By Something I said? - 05/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 061

You deserved it 59 111

By Anonymous - 09/10/2012 08:38 - United States - Murrieta

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 166

You deserved it 36 962

Romance me please

By trembelwick - 03/12/2011 10:04 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 807

You deserved it 6 076

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 124

You deserved it 10 961

By BlackPolarbear - 23/01/2010 08:05 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. My phone started ringing and it was my Mom, she said I could answer it. As I answered the phone my girlfriend started playing with my dick. I moaned. Loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 139

You deserved it 29 792

Unexpected

By Matt988 - 22/03/2021 23:00 - India

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend when I felt her slip her hand into my pants. She then gave me a wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 289

Cursed underwear

By Anonymous - 23/11/2011 16:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to convince a girl to come back to my place for a bit of fun. Unfortunately, I was wearing cheap new black underwear, and some of its fibers had stuck themselves to my knob, making it look like a weird fleshy caterpillar. I didn't get lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 345

You deserved it 20 431

Size Queen

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was hooking up with a girl, but when she got my pants down, she got mad and left, saying she was gonna kill her sister who lied to her about me having a large penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 206

Weird flex, but OK

By mrwilly - 02/01/2015 03:22 - United States - Corona

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 896

You deserved it 4 904

Lost Reggie 21

Friday 11 April 2025 22:29

Just put yer winky in her hoo-ha and boink, dumbass.

GoogieWithers 23

Saturday 12 April 2025 18:29

At least she said it was nice!

Comments

Lost Reggie 21

Friday 11 April 2025 22:29

Just put yer winky in her hoo-ha and boink, dumbass.

Plop 17

Saturday 12 April 2025 8:52

Did you still ask her to Tinky your Winky?

GoogieWithers 23

Saturday 12 April 2025 18:29

At least she said it was nice!

poopface82 19

Sunday 13 April 2025 2:53

I get it. No sane person wants to feel like they’re having sex with someone of insufficient age unless that happens to be a weird kink for consenting adults to act in such a manner. For those saying he should have done it anyway despite being squicked, have some damn standards. Some of us don’t like sex with incompatible people any more than we like eating sauerkraut for breakfast. And this guy hates when sexual partners have juvenile sexual vocabulary. I guess the point of this is that I hate sauerkraut.