Intimacy, Cooking and Anger issues: You what now?

You what now?

By small dick energy - 02/05/2019 04:00

Today, I found out just how much of a psychotically insecure nitwit my boyfriend is. He flew into a screaming rage that I was only adding cucumbers to my water and my meals lately to insinuate that he has a small penis. Yeah, I’m confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 648

You deserved it 256

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Bad guy

By the last straw - 27/09/2023 04:00

Today, my boyfriend's jealousy reached a psychotic new low. While at dinner, I apparently made too much eye contact and dared to smile when the waiter took our order. He screamed, “Why don’t you just have him whip it out so you can suck him off right here?!” I’ve never been so humiliated in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 169

By Hannah - 13/06/2013 16:19 - Australia - Caulfield North

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 365

You deserved it 6 069

By Anonymous - 22/03/2013 23:21 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 410

You deserved it 19 275

By Queenbee26 - 23/11/2017 21:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me when his so-called "ways to turn me on" didn't work. What were these ways? Flicking my nips and inserting his finger in my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 246

You deserved it 546

Charlie!

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 18:30

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he insists I bit his penis during sex, and that I'm a crazy, man-hating psycho. It’s not true, I’ve just not given many blowjobs before, my technique stinks, and my teeth touched his skin a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 328

Dumbass

By O-|---<=~ - 18/10/2013 23:01 - United States - Bellingham

Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 897

You deserved it 5 674

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 640

You deserved it 6 665

Secretive

By whattheHellman - 23/10/2022 09:00 - Australia - Traralgon

Today, my boyfriend starting going off on me, calling me a psycho, all because I opened our bedroom door while he was in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 125

Sabotage!

By I choose health - 11/04/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend admitted to purposely sabotaging all my weight loss efforts. When I confronted him, he said it’s because he doesn’t want me to get thin and turn into one of those stuck up, snobby, mean girl types that wouldn’t date him in high school. We’re in our 30s dude, get over it! FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 156

He's having a normal one

By Omydarlin - 16/11/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, my husband threw a bitch-fit and made passive aggressive remarks throughout the entire day. What did I do? Call him out on commenting an eggplant, peach, and winky face emoji under a female friend’s picture. He deactivated all social media accounts and shouted, “Are you happy now? I can’t talk to anyone now!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 94

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 2 May 2019 4:16

It might help if you didn’t circumcise the cucumbers before swallowing them whole.

purplekanc 22

Thursday 2 May 2019 6:47

I had a boyfriend like that once.. I left him. I couldn’t deal with his insecurities especially since he didn’t want to get professional help. He was too toxic

Comments

zuckerburg 21

Thursday 2 May 2019 10:01

get pickles, ask him if it's size appropriate, watch him flip out.

cardin06 15

Thursday 2 May 2019 13:03

Tell him to research jelqing or the “penis professor”

tounces7 27

Thursday 2 May 2019 17:33

The only real question here is, why isn't he your ex yet?

Jackey 29

Thursday 2 May 2019 21:55

Maybe he needs to be told that there are other places you could insert a cucumber if you were trying to make a point...

auroraamber 6

Thursday 2 May 2019 22:03

not everyone wants a big dick

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

Friday 3 May 2019 0:10

dump him

TxKitten79 10

Friday 3 May 2019 2:23

Get out. NOW. This is a serious red flag!!!

Mungolikecandy 19

Friday 3 May 2019 7:11

Yeah, you want to get out of that one as soon as possible.

Yudith 24

Friday 3 May 2019 13:05

Maybe if you didn't swith the English cucumbers for tiny Lebanese ones, prepare Vienna sausages in VH sauce every week, add cocktail sausages to his sauerkraut and pack him baby carrots in his lunch, he could forget about his small penis.