Intimacy: Zinger!

Zinger!

By Familyskank - 06/05/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 627

You deserved it 24 944

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Tired of cooking for you ungrateful lot

By Anonymous - 23/11/2022 04:00 - United States - Utica

Today, our freezer was full because my Dad got a free turkey from work. Thing is, my mom bought a pre-made ham, even though she knows my dad brings home a turkey every year. Why? Because of all the prep work that goes into making the turkey, including clearing out the kitchen, and throwing it into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 214

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 124

You deserved it 13 202

By Anonymous - 30/09/2013 23:54 - United Kingdom - Bathgate

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 175

You deserved it 3 772

By Anonymous - 24/11/2016 13:17 - United States - New York

Today, on Thanksgiving, I asked my kid what she is thankful for. "My tablet." I had just told her I was thankful for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 738

You deserved it 2 276

By badcook - 24/09/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gifted us with a new microwave. I told her it was too much and we didn't really need it. Her response, "I just want my grandkids to have food that tastes good for once." I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 741

You deserved it 3 521

Very funny, Dad

By Anonymous - 20/05/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 647

You deserved it 4 631

By Killmenow - 30/08/2018 07:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 919

You deserved it 249

By monster in law. - 17/12/2014 07:35 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a toaster and a fork as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 270

You deserved it 3 433

It's called fashion, Susan, look it up

By Ari - 08/09/2018 23:30

Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 867

You deserved it 377

Tasty

By sleepysophie - 19/10/2013 15:04 - United States - Helena

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 617

You deserved it 5 565

Janrok24 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:04

Just one word: OWNED!

cristy91 33

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:12

Tell her she should buy one for that fat trap of hers.

Comments

Whininghippo 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:55

Thank you, 51. I could only think the same thing, and was going to post it as well! Read people! It's not the hardest thing to do! :P Edit: And 52. :P

pancakelover 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:55

Are you sure she meant it that way? Maybe you like cooking turkeys and she honestly thought you would want one... Oh please, who am I kidding!

annieannie 0

Wednesday 6 May 2009 23:58

thank you 51!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haha

abouttofly 12

Thursday 7 May 2009 0:06

#32 - If your daughter sleeps around, it's acceptable for someone to suggest (albeit humorously) that you force her to stop? It's her life, why shouldn't it be her decision?

i_luv_puppies 1

Thursday 7 May 2009 0:09

so... don't be a ****??

Inoku 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 0:09

Maybe the OP's mom is really conservative or protective and the aunt is joking about that, not about the OP. Either way, your aunt is awesome.

dantheman_fml 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 0:09

shit maybe this is the same girl that likes to break collar bones

randomsloth 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 0:11

hahahha **** :D this makes me giggle so much you know your a ***** when your aunt says it

fatfaceunited 0

Thursday 7 May 2009 0:12

beats getting stuffed

AlyshaDeShae 10

Thursday 7 May 2009 0:13

Wow, if your aunt is talking that way, your reputation must be totally shot! I'm going to have to say that you probably deserve it, but at the same time maybe not. I know that my reputation isn't all that great depending on who you talk to, but it's mostly because I ticked a lot of people off and never cared enough to correct the rumors. Maybe it's like that for you, in which case, that totally sucks.