By poisonivyretard - 04/06/2013 17:15 - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
I agree, your life sucks 35 549
You deserved it 52 003
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Top comments

team_cookies 11

I bet that's a pain in the ass

188 4

Comments

ywolfgl 21

That's gotta suck but bring napkins with u. I ways do

41 48
DeidaraAkatsuki 17

Because you never know when you're gonna find yourself taking a dump at a secluded area without toilet paper.

69 3
ironichalibut 24

As Towelie always says: "Don't forget to bring a towel when you're going to take a shit in the woods, you never know when you'll need a towel"

36 4
license2chill 5

48, I read your quotes in Towelie's voice, in my head...

27 7
tjv3 10

You pack it in you pack it out!

4 3
hanielfavela 6

Or sacrifice one of ur socks next time... Dont you watch man vs wild!?

16 1
MrClean17 15

Oh, that's why they put that "FML" part at the end. I never knew

56 1
nightbirdblue 27

Damn, I thought the FML at the end meant Furry Midget Lemons. You learn something new every day.

39 6
D3ATHZ3RO 15

Is that why this site is called FML? Wow, mind-blown!

5 0
SammyS2012 21

Right? They make biodegradable toilet paper to use in situations like these. Why would you wipe yourself with a plant you dont even know?

18 2
Joe9024 20

Isn't all TP biodegradable?? It always goes away a few months after October, and believe me I've decorated a few trees pretty good.

10 0
patrickalamo 47

Or cut up your socks or underwear and go commando.

4 0
83babynique 7

Sounds like you are in dire need of some calamine lotion. At least next time you walk in the woods you will bring baby wipes with you.

48 4
team_cookies 11

I bet that's a pain in the ass

188 4
Pleonasm 35

Ivy what you did there. You need to nettle the score with those poisnous plants, OP.

41 14
ManInTheMachine 19

Don't mean to birch in here, but I felt like I had to leaf my own two cents: OP, I wood take this unfortunate incident and tree to learn from it. Use the pain and discomfort as a reminder to be prepared. Deciduous both a favor, as you wouldn't be in pain, and I wouldn't have to read about it.

42 7
JT1996_fml 12

You deserve it dumbass, it's easy to tell poisonous plants apart from non-poisonous

10 99
Pleonasm 35

I doubt they all have 'This is poisonous' written all over them. He was out of options and probably took it in a haste, it's an honest mistake and mostly bad luck.

49 9
katiesam199 11

Right, because everyone is familiar with all the poisonous plants...

39 3
eddeeezzyy 19

Though it is not easy to identify particular poisonous plants, it is always important to know that poison ivy and poison oak have 3 leaves per stem. Poison sumac has 9 - 4 on each side, 1 on the top. Especially since that all 3 of these types of poisonous plants seem to be the most occurring.

15 2
283leis 8

There are poisonous plants other than poison ivy, oak and sumac.

7 2
iluvpeanutbutter 22

Yes, there are, but it's better to at least know a few of them, then none of them. Besides, the OPs name is poisonivyretard.

3 0
sarcasm17 10

I agree with this guy actually. If he had no problem taking a dump and then using leaves to clean himself, then he obviously isn't new to the whole camping experience. He really should have known better...

0 5
Ki11erC 18

OP is female to all those saying he ;)

3 1
meaganxo 14

It will suck when it starts to itch later on :P

10 35
ThePsyche 9

#7 Your comment and profile picture go hand in hand. They both annoy me.

15 4
dead_insects 18

whoo indeed! i find it rather WISE to like owls! ^_~

0 2
boudin227 13

That's going to be hard to explain to the doctor.. Good luck(:

16 20
ElatedEarthling 15

No it won't be. "I wiped my ass with a poisonous leaf." See, simple. However, it may be hard for the doctor to look at. *shudders*

43 0
Wizardo 33

May you feel the pain of a thousand suns crashing down upon you... or Rick Ross crowd surfing on you - Tree

20 6
MissWhitneyB 17

Yikes! Always be prepared

8 5