Health: Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used...

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By poisonivyretard - 04/06/2013 17:15 - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 556

You deserved it 52 009

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Same thing different taste

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 524

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 328

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 08:39 - United Kingdom

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 380

You deserved it 1 741

By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - 05/04/2013 18:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 702

You deserved it 4 840

On the run

By broussimousse - 10/03/2009 20:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 067

You deserved it 32 629

By Kirta - 09/11/2009 15:18 - Canada

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 422

You deserved it 38 111

A bit too many Fall vibes

By ppppp - 26/10/2023 20:00

Today, I eagerly jumped into a pile of leaves, only to discover via the stench that the neighborhood cats have obviously been using it as their makeshift litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 443

IBS?

By Anonymous - 27/04/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 153

By someone euthanize me - 16/01/2016 08:17

Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 885

You deserved it 8 051

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 731

You deserved it 13 578

team_cookies 11

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:20

I bet that's a pain in the ass

hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:20

always. bring. toilet. paper.

Comments

Jpaul512 3

Thursday 6 June 2013 7:02

Use ur socks or cut ur shirt and use that

verpfandetr 1

Thursday 6 June 2013 10:07

Leaves of three leave them be #poisonivy

Germany550 3

Thursday 6 June 2013 22:26

Well I guess this disproves the whole "ignorance is bliss" theory

Kc1001 14

Friday 7 June 2013 2:00

Its called biodegradable TP. find it at your nearest outdoors sports store.

copydude 7

Friday 7 June 2013 5:21

Ouch been there myself, I was about 12 when I wiped myself with poison Oak... worse part was Mom and Grandma, helping spread the calamin...

kobykai 3

Saturday 8 June 2013 4:41

I know those feels bro....

ziy_fml 15

Friday 14 June 2013 12:11

Oh boy next time check the leafs!! :)

darkfireflame 15

Friday 13 September 2013 13:01

Try not to make an ass of yourself again.

Cheeselover97 6

Friday 30 September 2016 0:42

Speak your mind, but please try and be respectful.

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