Health: Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used...

By poisonivyretard - 04/06/2013 17:15 - United States - Narragansett

Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 550

You deserved it 52 003

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Same thing different taste

When you gotta go, you gotta go

By Amanda Howard - 15/03/2020 09:00

Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in poison ivy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 570

You deserved it 522

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 320

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 08:39 - United Kingdom

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 372

You deserved it 1 740

By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - 05/04/2013 18:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 695

You deserved it 4 837

On the run

By broussimousse - 10/03/2009 20:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 062

You deserved it 32 623

By Kirta - 09/11/2009 15:18 - Canada

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 419

You deserved it 38 108

A bit too many Fall vibes

By ppppp - 26/10/2023 20:00

Today, I eagerly jumped into a pile of leaves, only to discover via the stench that the neighborhood cats have obviously been using it as their makeshift litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 437

IBS?

By Anonymous - 27/04/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 149

By someone euthanize me - 16/01/2016 08:17

Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 880

You deserved it 8 045

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 726

You deserved it 13 576

team_cookies 11

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:20

I bet that's a pain in the ass

hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14

Tuesday 4 June 2013 22:20

always. bring. toilet. paper.

Comments

worldclassrager 39

Wednesday 5 June 2013 0:53

Always check the plants in the woods...and a backpack with supples that are biodegradable are always a good thing to bring...

kenoswild 14

Wednesday 5 June 2013 1:06

It's a good thing you didn't also rub your genitals with those leaves. Imagine the agony that would have been.

chisty87 16

Wednesday 5 June 2013 2:12

I've hade few of those experiences growing up as a kid so I know how you feel...

iluvpeanutbutter 22

Wednesday 5 June 2013 3:11

Most girls I know always have some tissues in their handbags. It's not like they take up heaps of space, and they can be an absolute godsend in situations like this!

blueyoshi_fml 16

Wednesday 5 June 2013 3:32

Leaves of three LET THEM BE!

ShakeDisPlace 10

Wednesday 5 June 2013 4:17

@ss hat

FMLbutYDI 17

Wednesday 5 June 2013 4:18

It's a girl... Fyl

Ins0mau 20

Wednesday 5 June 2013 4:22

Because it would only be a FYL 'cause she's a girl? What?!

Pussycat86 18

Wednesday 5 June 2013 4:26

I don't understand people who can do number 2 in the wilderness! I'm sorry OP but you deserve this too

Zebediabolical 39

Wednesday 5 June 2013 5:52

You do realize that for thousands of years that's where everyone dropped deuces, right? Besides, as the little orphan Annie once said, when y'gotta go, y'gotta go!