The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Master manipulator

By whatjusthappened - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Norman

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 497

You deserved it 16 414

By meganmagee - 16/09/2013 18:47 - United States - Barnesville

Today, I bought a live lobster to have for dinner. When my four year old daughter discovered it in the cooler, she thanked me incessantly for finally getting her a pet. She now won't let "Mr. Shelly" out of her sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 494

You deserved it 9 338

meganmagee tells us more.

meganmagee 11

Wednesday 18 September 2013 1:35

After maxing out our credit card on a salt water tank, Mr. Shelly has a permanent home here with Megan, Tony, and Ansleigh Magee.

By applebearcat - 05/09/2009 05:59 - Malaysia

Today, my dad bought me a new laptop for my birthday. That's because he wants to use my old laptop for work, which is more expensive, has better specs, runs faster, and has a wider screen than my new computer. I just got a downgraded laptop as my birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 493

You deserved it 3 718

applebearcat tells us more.

applebearcat 0

Saturday 5 September 2009 16:35

I got that laptop when i went to college at a different state. I needed it to do coursework :p

Mobbed up

By some people's parents - 18/04/2013 04:01 - United States - Aurora

Today, after years of loaning my mother countless amounts of cash that never get paid back, borrowing $60 from her, and being just one day late paying it off due to food poisoning, she sends a very large man to my door to collect, like she's Tony Soprano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 491

You deserved it 4 936

By Kingofbosses - 22/08/2013 05:31 - United States

Today, I moved into my university dorm a week before classes start. Everyone kept giving me weird looks as they watched me move my stuff in. Finally, one of my dorm mates asked me if I knew that school had actually started last week. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 490

You deserved it 16 556

By Anonymous - 01/03/2014 06:09 - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 488

You deserved it 4 067

Different strokes

By chickenmcnuggetgirl - 18/03/2013 18:10 - Ireland - Enfield

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has a chicken nugget fetish. He wants me to take a chicken nugget bath in a bikini. He seems to be dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 484

You deserved it 5 134

By secretdeo - 24/08/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 481

You deserved it 5 354

By Darkheaven - 17/11/2008 11:27 - France

Today, I was in an online chatroom speaking to this girl that I really hit it off with. She then confided in me that she'd recently been dumped by her boyfriend and that he was a jerk. A little while later, we exchanged photos. It was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 480

You deserved it 9 484

By rholt - 14/01/2014 06:48 - United States - Baldwin City

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 471

You deserved it 8 090

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 17:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's house party. She got incredibly drunk and I spent the whole night looking after her when she was throwing up. In the brief moment before she passed out she said "thanks Matt, you're a great boyfriend." Matt is her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 468

You deserved it 6 040

Wish list

By Anonymous - 22/05/2009 02:45 - United States

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 466

You deserved it 12 869

By Tom - 15/06/2009 10:07 - Israel

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 460

You deserved it 3 593

By Screwed - 26/05/2009 07:48 - South Africa

Today, I was looking online for an alternative number for the interior decorator that is making curtains for me because I couldn't get hold of him. Instead of his number I found a website warning people about him, saying he is a conman. I paid a very big deposit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 459

You deserved it 19 266

By My_Cow_kiM - 28/04/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 457

You deserved it 5 608

By KatielSilver - 20/05/2013 05:44 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my allergies started up with a vengeance. Yesterday I broke 4 ribs and fractured my sternum. Every time I sneeze, I swear I can feel the broken bones move around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 457

You deserved it 3 124

KatielSilver tells us more.

KatielSilver 1

Thursday 23 May 2013 1:18

It was an ATV "accident". My ex - boyfriend broke up with me on the trail and then purposely spun us around a turn too fast and I was thrown off the back. He still doesn't understand why I didn't find it funny like he did...

This boy

By GirlinGreen - 30/04/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a four year-old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me, and that I should go die and never come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 451

You deserved it 18 512

By nerd_man01 - 10/07/2009 19:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 450

You deserved it 13 790

By 27161697 - 22/07/2013 04:45 - United States - Malden

Spicy

Today, I had to wake my mom up. While she was naked. On the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 448

You deserved it 3 685

27161697 tells us more.

27161697 19

Tuesday 23 July 2013 4:28

hey I'm the OP and what happened was that we were both sleeping in the same room (well she was asleep) and she started snoring so i yelled at her which woke her up. then she realized that she had to use the bathroom so half asleep she took her bathrobe off and sat on the toilet. she fell back asleep because she went to bed about 2 hours before and had to wake up in another 2 hours to catch a plane. my mom is only 50 and i am 15. by the way all of your comments made me laugh and yeah i really do wish that memory would erase!

By OnlyIfYouLoveMe - 23/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went on a blind date. It was going well until I brought up my views on politics. He then told me to shut up because women were incapable of intelligent thought. Then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 447

You deserved it 6 566

OnlyIfYouLoveMe tells us more.

OnlyIfYouLoveMe 0

Monday 23 November 2009 16:03

thanx guys! 8D he is a jerk, glad you agree. And to RyeBreadBoy, I do have smart views on politics ( wow that sentence does not sound right, oh well). I'm just as smart as you, and I have intellegent ideas.

That one weird kid

By Laura - 27/05/2014 15:58 - United States

Today, at school, I got seated in front of the resident creepy kid that everyone stays away from. I was pretty relieved to get through most of the class with no incidents, until the bell rang and he tore out a chunk of my hair, yelling, "DNA! DNA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 443

You deserved it 4 140

By Unsanitary - 26/06/2011 10:32 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 442

You deserved it 11 053

By this guy - 21/11/2013 05:27 - United States - Alhambra

Today, I got rejected by a girl I wasn't even trying to ask out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 441

You deserved it 4 162

By FMeeee - 16/06/2014 18:50 - Portugal - Aveiro

Today, I decided to tell my family, including my husband, that I'm pregnant. Their reaction was basically a "meh" before returning to watching the World Cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 438

You deserved it 9 805

By kysier - 01/03/2015 23:36 - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 434

You deserved it 2 429

By Thomas - 11/11/2013 17:20 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 422

You deserved it 7 599

By Anonymous - 29/04/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 421

You deserved it 3 769

By poor teacher - 23/09/2013 17:54 - United States - Syracuse

Today, at my job as a fourth grade teacher, I realized that most of my students have far nicer and more expensive phones than I can afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 420

You deserved it 3 880

Nope out of there

By twintowers - 04/07/2009 20:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 414

You deserved it 23 272

By Anonymous - 09/12/2009 13:27 - United States

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 414

You deserved it 24 026

Keywords

My ex Awkward Love AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Relatable Work Money DIY Kids Parenting Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves, so I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview, I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 673

You deserved it 52 050

USA, USA, USA; well, almost. Today we're not welcoming a French artist, not even an American artist, but an artist from... oh, you'll see! Are you in a hurry or something? Why can't we just sit down, have a nice cup of tea and talk about the future? ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 15

The Top

Today, my sister found out she contracted ringworm and scabies from her best friend's rescued kittens. The entire family now has to be treated to prevent it from spreading. There are 7 people in our house and none of us have health insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 071

You deserved it 15 644

Today, after spending thousands of dollars and several years pursuing a higher education so I could get a high paying job doing something that requires skill and brainpower, I finally got my first job offer after months of searching. I will be cleaning houses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 657

You deserved it 5 838

Today, I dreamed that I was kidnapped by Charlie Sheen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 986

You deserved it 12 594

Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend detailing all the ways he loved me. He probably should have emphasized just how big his heart is though because he sent the text to three other women too. Thank you, group messaging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 549

You deserved it 2 582

Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 654

You deserved it 352

Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 784