The Top

Original poster here. Just wanted to clear up a few things: I'm really not upset about it. It kind of got to me when it happened but I got over it pretty quickly. The only thing that upset me was the fact that I told him that if he wasn't interested, I'd still like to be friends and he completely disregarded that. Ultimately, I just wanted to make my first FML, lol. #17, #18 - He had already seen two of my pictures, but a 3rd one was slightly more revealing, and that was what did me in! #13 - Ouch! That must have been AWKWARD to say the least. :/ #12 and #15 - I don't mind if you think that way. It's a free country, we're entitled to our opinions, after all. But you know what they say... usually the loudest homophobes are closet cases themselves! ;)

You had to ask

By hii - 01/03/2009 20:29 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a one year-old. She'd just learned how to say yes, so if you asked her ANYTHING, she'd say yes. I asked her if she liked vegetables and she said, "Yes!" Then I asked her if I was pretty. She looked at me and said, "NO." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 557

You deserved it 14 672

How appropriate

By ohgod - 14/08/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I found out my husband had bought my one year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 555

You deserved it 7 949

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 15:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 541

You deserved it 11 824

By needsnewshorts - 16/07/2013 01:42 - United States - San Clemente

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 509

You deserved it 23 660

By shizzy09 - 13/04/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 505

You deserved it 5 137

Sounds tasty

By FML.. - 06/04/2009 19:51 - China

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 500

You deserved it 183 684

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 20:13 - Belgium

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 499

You deserved it 6 850

Wild Monopoly game tactics

By I hate that game - 23/11/2013 16:11 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 489

You deserved it 4 889

Good one, thanks

By zackeryburch - 03/08/2013 13:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 6 551

By Anonymous - 17/05/2013 16:40 - Sweden - Storfors

Today, my brother tried to convince me to get a clitoris piercing at his recently opened piercing studio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 486

You deserved it 6 629

By Alice - 01/08/2009 08:15 - United States

Today, I was wearing a skirt, and running towards a closing elevator, making it just in time. As soon as I ran in, my pad fell out of my underwear and onto the floor. There were 6 other people in the elevator. I picked it up before I realized I had nowhere to put it, so I held it. For 18 floors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 484

You deserved it 10 867

By TrailerTrash - 20/03/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 479

You deserved it 4 711

By Anonymous - 10/05/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 465

You deserved it 3 757

By Screwed Up - 09/05/2013 05:30 - United States

Today, I went to therapy. I started talking about my childhood and my life. By the time the session was over my therapist was crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 447

You deserved it 4 307

By ravenskater - 04/04/2011 02:47

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 442

You deserved it 6 508

Sing!

By nana - 19/05/2009 14:04 - United States

Today, after the church service was over, my two year-old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang "Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 426

You deserved it 9 364

By Anonymous - 23/11/2013 00:16 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 423

You deserved it 6 190

By jinxofsocal - 21/06/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, was my boyfriend's birthday. He wanted a blowjob while playing Call of Duty 4. In typical gamer fashion, he slammed his controller down when he died. Into my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 402

You deserved it 27 538

Wait, what?

By Sally - 24/07/2009 09:04 - United States

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 379

You deserved it 4 776

Nosey

By Jess - 04/05/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 376

You deserved it 3 572

By Female_Lucifer - 20/10/2013 13:02 - United States - New Lebanon

Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 373

You deserved it 5 178

By Just_Me_88 - 18/08/2012 05:09 - United States - Salem

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 351

You deserved it 3 577

Just_Me_88 tells us more.

Just_Me_88 8

Sunday 19 August 2012 3:02

Well, I am OP, and I am indeed 23...I met my husband when I was 18....and his ex was 17. She "lied" to him about her age. I am amazed I have bought it for so long. Yup, he is certainly a soon-to-be ex. Right after he loses his jewels. (kidding...maybe, lol) My soon-to-be-ex just turned 36.

By whatheffers - 07/07/2010 16:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 351

You deserved it 8 928