FML for mobile
Free

All the FMLs

Sprayed

By Anonymous - 18/03/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a sneezing fit in the middle of the night, like 10 really great big sneezes, but then it was over and I went back to sleep. I got up this morning and turned the light on, and turns out I’d been sneezing blood over everything, the bed, walls, carpet, furniture, clothes, everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 6

Dog park blues

By Anonymous - 18/03/2025 00:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I took a peaceful walk through the park, and then sat on the grass. As I was enjoying the quiet, a dog appeared out of nowhere and decided my shoes were a chew toy. I spent 10 minutes trying to wrestle my shoes away from this dog, while its owner casually walked in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 17

Rock on!

By Anonymous - 17/03/2025 22:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I took a selfie at a concert with the stage in the background. As I tilted my head to get the perfect angle, I knocked over the guy in front of me’s beer. He turned around just in time to see me dripping in weak piss beer, and my selfie became a snapshot of my humiliation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 169

Never attempt this

By Melanie - 17/03/2025 20:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I was texting while riding my bike (yes, I know, terrible idea). I crashed right into a lamppost, and, even worse, a woman walking by laughed and asked, "Did you just text yourself into that pole?" I just laid there hoping for the ground to swallow me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 249

Not welcome here

By Imgonnahaveabf - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 529

You deserved it 3 644

Shards

By Anonymous - 17/03/2025 15:00 - United States - Glendale

Today, I was mowing my lawn when I lost control along our lawn borders and ran over one of my neighbor’s many garden gnomes. It exploded into a pile of ceramic. I soon discovered it was a limited edition collector's item when the neighbor came out just in time to see me turning her prized lawn decoration into shards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 233

Briefs

By Anonymous - 17/03/2025 07:00 - United States

Today, I went to donate some of my old underwear that I never wear and were in too nice a condition to throw in a dumpster. I was given the runaround by two different people who had no clue where the clothes donation box was, until I gave up and finally found it in the opposite direction. That took me an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 185

Corner cutting

By Anonymous - 17/03/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got some lumber delivered to site and that shit was so bent and warped I could've cut it into foot long pieces and sold them as boomerangs. My boss is breathing down my neck about finishing on time to a high standard of work, yet he keeps buying subpar materials on the cheap. Tosser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 30

RIP Tiddles

By gvmfvr - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - France - Fontenay-sous-bois

Today, my little sister was in charge of doing the vacuuming, when she decided our hamster had "dust on his back". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 434

You deserved it 3 991

Losing my mind

By Oh Gnooooo - 16/03/2025 21:00 - United States

Today, I was in a stall in a public restroom. Someone came in and started using one of the urinals. Somehow, before I knew it, I found I had just loudly whispered, "SOMEbody's taking a piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiss." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 411

Good intention, mid outcome

By Britany - 16/03/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to rescue a stray dog and used my work ID to lasso him. I scooped him up and was carrying him to my car when something spooked him and he ran off with my work ID. I eventually found him and traded him a granola bar for my work ID, but not before I reported it missing to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 333

Craving it

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 16:00 - United States

Today, after discussing all the things our 4 year-old does for attention, I asked my partner what I could do to get some attention from him His response? “You get enough attention from the baby.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 82

The noise of God

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 19:00

Today, my neighbour shouted at me for starting my car early in the morning because "a decent, God-fearing man" has no business going places in the dark "when Satan is about his wicked business." I’m a priest and I have a funeral to prepare for this morning. That's about as un-Satan like as you can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 57

Cool your boots

By AmberKCole - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner, I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 596

You deserved it 101 192

Keep on trucking

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 16:00 - Romania

Today, six days before I turn 18, my mom totaled her nice BMW. She had promised it to me as a birthday present. My step-dad is giving me his old rusty truck instead, so now I can look like a hick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 503

Thanks, that helps…

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 06:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I worked up the courage to tell my supervisor that it makes me feel uncomfortable when my coworker teases me by saying a special needs client is in love with me at the residential facility I work at. Her response was, “Well, he is obsessed with you. He writes your name down hundreds of times and watches you out his window." FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 73

That's the spirit

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 01:00 - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, it's been 8 months since I was downsized and have been having a hard time finding work, despite a good work history and education. Today, I found out that my car needs a new transmission ($4k - $6k). Sometimes, things stink and you just have to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 53

A day to remember

By TitMunch - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 886

You deserved it 4 463

Sometimes, they just do

By Anonymous - 16/03/2025 03:00 - Netherlands

Today, my girlfriend told me she was leaving me for another man. Devastated, I asked what he had that I didn't. Apparently, "a big penis and a stable job" mean more to her than two years of love and dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 438

I did what now?

By Lost what I never knew I had - 15/03/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, my husband rushed me to the hospital, and we were told that I'd had a miscarriage. Neither of us knew I was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 69

Brenda and me

By Not Brenda - 15/03/2025 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was venting to a friend over Whatsapp about my annoying coworker when I realised I'd sent it to said coworker (always check which chat you are in while typing). I'd said, "I’m convinced Brenda is either possessed or just doesn't know how to be a normal human." I deleted it, but it was too late, as she replied with a smiley emoji and, “Can I help with anything, asshole?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 579

Blast from the past

By kjcarey123 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied, "The round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now I'm the asshole of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 505

You deserved it 44 753

Her body, her choice

By Not a grandma - 15/03/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I took my daughter to the hospital for a few tests, and it turns out that she's pregnant. She has always said that she doesn't want kids, but I hoped that already being pregnant might change her mind. She called to schedule an abortion during the drive back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 650

Corruption, corruption everywhere

By Anonymous - 15/03/2025 12:00 - Czechia

Today, a student told me to "F*** off!" I reported it to my boss and the student's parent, who is also a teacher at the school. My boss deemed it a minor issue and said we wouldn't be following discipline policy. Now, my boss frequently visits my classroom to bully me, likely due to the two of them being drinking buddies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 72

Imposter syndrome?

By Overworked - 15/03/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, after my boss thanked me for being so "reliable" all the time, I confessed to her that I have really bad anxiety, which has given me a crippling fear of disappointing her and ending up jobless. Even after reassuring me that she would never do that, the feeling is still there. I think I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 119

Not now, Dave

By shanti - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 462

You deserved it 4 838

When Bruce Willis was dead at the end of Sixth Sense I…

By Anonymous - 15/03/2025 12:00 - Australia

Today, pearlescent liquid soap squirted all over my white pants while washing my hands. I have 6 more hours of work looking like I jizzed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 104

Furious

By Anonymous - 14/03/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, my husband woke me up by sending me a picture of a guy I used to semi-see. The same night my boyfriend sent me a furious text asking why I didn’t tell him I’m married, because my husband has found his Instagram and was harassing him online. Like, leave me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 1 283

A night to remember

By Anonymous - 14/03/2025 22:00 - Australia

Today, I planned to propose to my girlfriend in front of her family at dinner. I had the ring ready and got down on one knee. She immediately burst into laughter and said, "Are you kidding?" The family stared in silence, and I quickly realised she was just teasing me... until I stood up and knocked over an entire table of drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 114

Proof

By George Saunders - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 144

You deserved it 54 144

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Gross Animals Cats Cute Miscellaneous Embarrassing Movies Sleep Work Family Poopoo peepee Shoes Dogs Photography Concert Awkward Bikes Transportation Accident Neighbours Underwear Bosses Capitalism Frustration Love Kids Parenting Religion Annoying

The Top

Today, I felt ready to trust men again so I had a little foray into Tinder, just to see what’s out there for a divorcee in her 40s. The very first guy I matched with catfished me with his photo and wanted to buy my dirty undies and socks, in a ziplock bag “to preserve the aroma.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 105

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend since I believed him to be cheating on me with another woman, something he adamantly denied. I went to his house to get all my stuff back. After I left, I discovered a silk thong that definitely did not belong to me, in amongst my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 547

You deserved it 4 672

The Top

Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 707

You deserved it 3 473

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 081

You deserved it 5 181

Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 178

Today, I was talking to a colleague about love. He told me he's given up on love because things ended badly with a previous girl. I said, "Maybe it wasn't meant to be, and she wasn't the one." He then said the reason it didn't work out was because she killed herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 774

You deserved it 4 013

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 243

You deserved it 7 291

Today, my boyfriend was shaving his beard in the bathroom when I left. An hour later, I found him exasperated after having shaved half his body. I had to help him shave every nook and cranny left because he said he was in too deep and couldn't turn back. Yes, his bumhole too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 981

You deserved it 3 689