All the FMLs

The not-so-great escape

By malloreigh - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was eating a meatball sub when a meatball fell out and rolled into my hair and all down my shirt. I couldn't find the missing meatball anywhere. I found it later, in my handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 220

You deserved it 4 612

You can't hurry love

By giffinator6 - 01/09/2023 10:00

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years left me for a girl he's barely known for 3 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 111

Working from home, the pros and cons

By Anonymous - 01/09/2023 08:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I was WFH on a video call with my team when my toddler barged into the room. As I tried to calmly guide her out, she managed to turn my Bluetooth speaker on, which started blasting "Baby Shark" to my entire team. They now have a new nickname for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 201

I'm new to this, sorry

By Fifi - 01/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was eager to learn how to use chopsticks, as I was in a nice Chinese restaurant and had ordered noodles. As I was visibly struggling to eat, the server brought me a fork. When I reached for it, I flicked a noodle into a lady's soup at the next table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 432

When it rains, it pours

By Wolfie - 31/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was updating our company's tracking system, lovingly making sure every load was set up to track, asking drivers to accept tracking, excluding some from reporting that didn't track right, deleting unnecessary loads. Then I deleted an extremely important load. The one load that absolutely should not have been deleted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 280

Don't worry, IQ ain't real

By snathans - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took one of those IQ tests on the internet. I cheated and still got a 70. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 372

You deserved it 80 019

Single and ready to Pringle

By Anonymous - 01/09/2023 00:02

Today, I went to a family gathering and was asked by multiple relatives why I was still single. Trying to lighten the mood, I joked that in fact I do have a secret admirer. My little cousin yelled out, "Is it your cat?" He was right, even though, come to think about it, I'm not sure my cat even likes me all that much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 153

Same!

By o…… - 31/08/2023 20:00

Today, at the age of 27, I still can’t so much as look at a marker without getting marker on my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 188

Still better than the Emoji movie

By probablydodgedabullet - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Wollongong

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a text message consisting solely of emoticons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 313

You deserved it 4 726

Get a second opinion

By Anonymous - 01/09/2023 00:00 - Australia

Today, I saw my specialist and I told her that one of my medications is messing with my head too much. I said that it’s making my depression so bad I have started cutting again, and want to walk in front of a truck. They said I just have to "suck it up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 758

You deserved it 128

Dangling

By Jeff comes unstuck - 31/08/2023 14:00 - Australia

Today, I was cleaning my car when I hit the automatic window button while I was vacuuming in between the door and the driver's seat, and got stuck halfway out, in full view of my neighbor. He had to come get me out, because I couldn't reach the button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 229

Golden rain

By Username - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - Korea, Republic of

Today, I was sitting on the porch of my apartment when my drunk upstairs neighbour decided to take a piss. I got my first golden shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 442

You deserved it 204

Kinda sus

By anonymous - 31/08/2023 08:00

Today, my overly friendly bubbly classmate, who’s like a preschool teacher hopped up on Red Bull, texted me, “Hey honey buns! Wanna meet up early before class and get groovin?!” My husband saw it and insisted that it's code for cheating. I'm not sure how I can explain that she’s just weird and wants to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 111

Set them free

By Seriously?! - 31/08/2023 06:00

Today, my abusive ex-boyfriend contacted me for the first time in almost 14 years, to apologize for how he treated me while we were still together. It brought back all the old memories that I thought I had finally overcome, and made me have such a bad panic attack that I had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 149

Save me!

By Zorah - 31/08/2023 04:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I went to the beach with friends. While splashing around in the ocean and waving to my friends who were sitting on the sand, I got caught in a strong current and had to be rescued by a lifeguard. They gave me a wristband that said, "Needs Adult Supervision". FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 318

Nervous?

By Ashley - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. They jokingly asked me if I was only with him for his money. I didn't hear them properly so I just smiled and nodded. They now think I'm a gold digging bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 081

You deserved it 10 694

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 31/08/2023 07:02 - Palau - Angaur State

Today, I got gifted a US MRE Menu 4 Cheese and Veggie Omelette, despite the fact that this crap has been discontinued by the government, as well as probably expired, as a "Thank you for your service" gift. I thought they'd gotten rid of this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 121

Speed 3

By ihatewasps - 30/08/2023 20:00

Today, I was stuck on a bus for an hour with a wasp buzzing around. I have a severe phobia of wasps. I was crying by time I reached my destination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 206

You walked into that one, dude

By mee - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I thought it would be funny to hide behind the ice machine at work and jump out randomly and scare people. This resulted in my first victim whacking me in the head with a skateboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 691

You deserved it 63 823

Sort yourself out

By lukey101 - 31/08/2023 00:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a colleague texted me to say that I needed a haircut. Today was also the first day I attempted to ‘do’ my hair in about 5 years. Clearly, I shouldn’t have bothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 164

Controlling

By EzcemaQueen - 30/08/2023 14:00

Today, I found out why all my packages have been systematically disappearing. My husband throws them out because he’s “sick of my selfish online shopping spree habits.” That would be more understandable if I had actually been online shopping, and not ordering my special eczema toiletries and medications. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 140

The comeback kid

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I'm still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 906

You deserved it 4 656

Good boy

By hypocrites!! - 30/08/2023 10:00

Today, I was given an ultimatum; either get rid of my beloved dog who’s my literal only source of happiness, or find a new place to live (which I can’t afford). My asshole neighbors keep complaining about my sweet boy’s barking, meanwhile their bratty bastards are 10 times louder. It’s not fair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 496

Nervous?

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to my GP to discuss my anxiety. As I was explaining my symptoms, I accidentally farted loudly due to my nervousness. The doctor paused and said, "Well, let's address that as well." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 151

The big man upstairs

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was informed by my parents that their relationship with God is more important than their relationship with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 161

Impasse

By Anonymous - 30/08/2023 04:00

Today, my wife and I have a perfect life together, nice house, nice cars, fun hobbies, fun holidays, love each other, lots of sex and so on. After 12 years of marital bliss, she wants to ruin all that by having a baby, and has even threatened divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 963

The joys of public transportation

By InDeepBlue - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I took the bus home from work for the first time in my life. It was pretty crowded, so I immediately sat in an empty seat. Then, I felt something wet. It was puke. A lot of it, in fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 102

You deserved it 588

Time to skedaddle

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 18:02 - United States - Queens

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to date other people, but still wants to be with me. He said, “Yes I want to be with you, but maybe we can both find better.” I found out he’s been texting another woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 103

How cruel can one get?

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, out of spite, my ex bought our autistic son a puppy. He's always wanted a dog and I can’t imagine how violent he will get if I tell him we can’t keep it. Since the divorce, I can barely feed us, so a dog is an expensive luxury we simply can’t afford, and my ex knows that. Pure spite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 147

You what now?

By WTF - 29/08/2023 20:00

Today, my lunatic conspiracy theorist coworker started ranting about meat bans. I rolled my eyes, but he pulled up my city's website, where they said they wanted to "phase out" meat and dairy consumption by 2030. These nuts are supposed to be wrong! What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 340

Keywords

My ex Awkward Love AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Relatable Work Money DIY Kids Parenting Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, after about a year of keeping it a secret from my girlfriend, I told her about my foot fetish. She said "EWWWWWWWW!" and left. She's ignoring my calls and has changed her relationship status to single on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 573

You deserved it 6 604

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 854

You deserved it 1 042

The Top

Today, a woman threatened to stab my eyes out because I wouldn't let her into the shop I closed and locked up half an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 865

You deserved it 818

Today, I listened to a woman take an extremely fragrant crap while I waited for my pregnacy test result in the Target bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 862

You deserved it 26 089

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 851

You deserved it 30 799

Today, mom was so upset when she found out that she is having another granddaughter that she wants us to pay her back for the little boy clothes that she bought before the sex of the baby was known. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 199

You deserved it 2 519

Today, my fiancé — a top chef — called me at work to make sure I would be home on time for the extra special dinner he'd prepared for me. The occasion, as I later discovered, was the end of our engagement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 929

You deserved it 3 115

Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 299

You deserved it 6 509