All the FMLs

Link?

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 03:00

Today, while sprinting, I tripped, fell, and somehow managed to kick myself in the balls. Legs shouldn’t bend like that and I’m frankly amazed I didn’t break my knee. My wife got the whole thing on video too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 137

Money money money

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 00:00

Today, my lovely ex-mother-in-law died and now my ex has stopped talking to me. I found out through a mutual friend that we only had an amicable divorce in case his mother had left me money in her will, but now he’s got all her money, he didn’t even take time to invite me to the funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 153

Wizardry

By expectopatronum bitch! - 25/04/2023 13:00 - United States

Today, my brother-in-law brought his new girlfriend over to meet the family. Things went south real quick after she went on a tirade about what terrible parents my wife and I are for letting our kids keep all their Harry Potter memorabilia. Now he’s mad I threw her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 150

Lonely, so lonely

By Lonely_Army - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Qatar

Today, I realised that I've been deployed for far too long, when I caught myself looking down the cleavage of a mannequin wearing a bathing suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 023

You deserved it 3 295

Snapped

By Amorie - 26/04/2023 02:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while I was normally and gently cleaning my glasses with my shirt they snapped in half. This is the second time this has happened, with the exact same glasses. The optometrist got me another pair last time, but this time they said no because it was too suspicious. I now have to buy $150 glasses again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 623

Stoner

By Stoner - 25/04/2023 20:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was supposed to wash my wife's underwear, then go to work and interview a new educator at 10.30am. I ended up smoking weed, getting stoned, and sitting in my car at 11.00am at a McDonald's. I'm now sitting at my desk and still high as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 2 064

Leave no paper trace

By can’t do it - 25/04/2023 10:00

Today, my therapist asked me if I’d been journaling as he suggested. I had to tell him that I don’t trust writing down my innermost thoughts anymore, because when I was younger my mom read by diary multiple times and beat me for what I wrote. So did my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 171

Freakout

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Kankakee

Today, I fell asleep in class. One minute I'm listening to a lecture; twenty-five minutes later, I'm waking up screaming in agony in front of everyone after biting my tongue in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 187

You deserved it 11 780

That's not how any of this works

By Not your bulter - 25/04/2023 06:00

Today, my fiancée's life ambition is to become a "couch slug" so she presented me with a brilliant plan: She wants to go on medical leave from work and apply for disability payments. She's perfectly capable, just extremely lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 214

My finest hour

By Anonymous - 25/04/2023 00:00

Today, I presented the worst seminar presentation probably in the entire history of my graduate department. I kept stumbling over questions, and overall, making an ass out of myself. I probably should leave my masters program at how thoroughly I burned myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 676

You deserved it 208

Where's Jackson Galaxy when you need him?

By Catscratchfever - 24/04/2023 22:00

Today, I took my cat for a very short car ride in her new carrier. I’ve left it out for weeks to let her get used to it, and before this she was relaxed enough to nap in it. Now, she won’t go near it no matter how many treats I use. I move cross country in June. Back to the drawing board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 188

Tasty

By SillyScotsman - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Hamilton

Today, I was eating an ice cream cone when I felt something drop onto my bottom lip. Assuming it was a piece of ice cream, I quickly pulled it into my mouth. After a sharp sting to my tongue, I spat it out. It was a bee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 639

You deserved it 7 707

Robotic

By Anonymous - 24/04/2023 18:00

Today, a journal article I'd written was identified as an "AI-written" article, even though I've never used any AI tools. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 114

Get out

By This is gonna suck - 24/04/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, I have a huge work project which absolutely requires a healthy amount of working at home to get done in time. This wouldn't be a problem normally. Except, thanks to my roommate's noisy dogs, I no longer have a "quiet zone" where I can buckle down on things and not be disturbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 147

Memento

By you can't remember? - 24/04/2023 12:00

Today, I found a notebook labeled "IMPORTANT INFO" in my boyfriend's nightstand. Looking in, I saw he'd written down a bunch of information about me, like my birthday and things I like. When I asked, he said, "I'm forgetful and didn't want to accidentally be a dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 1 712

Quick learner

By BubbaCat - 24/04/2023 10:00

Today, I've been babysitting a 4 month-old for two days. This has made a great impression on my cat, because now I can't sit down without him jumping up and licking my face until I pat his butt and rock him like the baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 204

Bad boy

By twinkie2 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone, my dog nabbed it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 462

You deserved it 14 216

Hole in one

By Anonymous - 24/04/2023 02:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I got a tooth pulled out. I now have a hole connecting my mouth to my nose. Drinking and eating is whole new experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 102

Thrifty

By Viscerion - 24/04/2023 07:30 - Australia

Today, even though I recently started earning $75000 per year, my partner still got angry at me because I spent $10 online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 126

That's a lot

By Anonymous - 23/04/2023 22:00

Today, i purchased myself 150$ Egyptian cotton 800-thread count sheets for my birthday, which came with matching pillow cases and everything. My girlfriend decided to wear a bleach face cream and ruined the entire set, and then followed it up with using part of my savings to buy herself a cabin vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 257

Logan Roy origins

By newscorp employee - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 770

You deserved it 3 574

New morning routine just dropped

By Mel - 23/04/2023 12:00 - United States - Miami Beach

Today, I realized why I've developed painful, flaky, dry patches above my upper lip. It's from kissing my new boyfriend, whose facial hair irritates my skin. He really dislikes how he looks without it, so my best option might be to just stop kissing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 155

All shook up

By Anonymous - 23/04/2023 22:30 - Australia - Adelaide CBD

Today, in an effort to save some money, I attempted to paint my own house. Instead, I fell off the ladder and broke my dominant arm. Now I can’t work, brush my teeth, or even wipe my ass. My house is half-painted with stuff everywhere and I have 6 weeks to recover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 268

And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like…

By Anonymous - 23/04/2023 12:00 - Austria - Graz

Today, at my mum’s birthday dinner, my brother-in-law used a Latin phrase in the wrong way. Since we all have learned Latin, I taught him the correct way until everyone facepalmed in my direction. He made a rather nice wordplay and now I’m known as the educated idiot who is too stupid to understand a simple joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 1 066

Everyone's a critic

By Ouch - 23/04/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I'm extremely disabled and by all means terrible at drawing, but I tried anyway. Sure enough, my drawings looked like shit, but I still took pride in them. That is, until my brother looked at one of them and said, "Wow! That's awful!" Thanks for pointing that out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 136

I HATE MUSICALS!

By lesson.learned - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Littlehampton

Today, I dragged my boyfriend to see Les Misérables with me. He now refuses to communicate with me through any medium other than singing. Apparently, this is his revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 253

You deserved it 51 280

Renegade

By Anonymous - 23/04/2023 06:00

Today, my man got arrested for starting a fistfight with a cashier who wouldn't let him smuggle out groceries without paying. It gets worse; two weeks ago he got arrested mugging a guy at a gas station, and he's still on bail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 1 230

Troublemaker

By adult now - 23/04/2023 03:00

Today, my fiancé said he’s now having second thoughts about us getting married, all because my ex contacted him and told him that our relationship had ended because I'd cheated on him. I was literally 15 years-old and I didn’t even have sex, I just made out with another boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 379

PSA: Don't be this guy

By Ih8ungratefulb - 23/04/2023 00:00

Today, I confessed my feelings to the love of my life. She laughed and said, “Nah, you’re like a brother to me, I can’t see you that way.” This after I drained my wallet for her birthday, brought her flowers and comforted her when her dog passed away, and fixed her car every time it broke down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 1 731

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Weddings Love My ex Jealousy Friends AITA Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Thanksgiving Covid Argument Kids Parenting Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Money Work

The Top

Good morning guys! Today's interview has been done in some extreme circumstances. It was about 36° Celsius, and half of the Completely Serious Comics crew was working while the other one was cooking. Well, it was a bit crazy as you can imagine. So m...

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 17

Today, I got a call from a lady who said my husband died in a car accident in Miami. My husband is supposed to be at a business trip in North Carolina, so I told her it must be a mistake. Turns out it was all true. He lied about a business trip and went to Miami with his lover, who was the woman who had called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 62

The Top

Today, I found out that for the past 6 months I have been sleeping next to a dead body. The cremated body of my landlord's father. It was hidden inside a wardrobe that I was not supposed to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 278

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 870

You deserved it 6 893

Today, I called the college of my dreams to check the status of my application. Turns out they "never received" copies of my transcripts. They did however cash the $70 application fee that was mailed with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 064

You deserved it 2 503

Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 346

Today, I had a vulnerable day, which led me to being scammed 2400 dollars, worried about something that a simple Google search and five seconds of reading would've rectified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 357

You deserved it 1 168

Today, I was accepted into a police academy. I called my girlfriend of 2 years, who was supportive through the process. She promptly broke up with me, stating, "You'll be really busy in the academy, and I can't marry a police officer. Its a dangerous job." She then called me selfish for "doing this to us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 939

You deserved it 3 596