All the FMLs

Dangerous drive

By WAKE UP - 02/05/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, my uncle was driving my mom and me to his house. We caught him nodding off numerous times, and I'm pretty sure he actually fell asleep at least once. We were on the highway. The car suddenly started swerving several times whenever he was getting sleepy. I think I have some grey hairs now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 128

Lost in translation

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 00:00

Today, I arranged a date with a girl online I really get along with, because frankly we both have a filthy sense of humour and love sexting. At the date, it turns out she’s deaf, which is not a problem, but she brought her sister as an interpreter. Without our usual conversation, it was just painfully awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 141

I'll be back

By missmolliss - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Norfolk

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 759

You deserved it 3 466

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 03/05/2023 02:00 - Australia

Today, I was late for work again because of road workers in front of my house parking me in. This has been going on since February, and will be until August, "Weather permitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 124

Please don't do that

By keep away from my bird! - 02/05/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, I caught my girlfriend slowly and deliberately eating chicken wings while sitting in front of the cage while making eye contact with my beloved bird. When she saw me staring at her in horror, she let out the creepiest, most maniacal laugh I’ve ever heard. What the actual fuck?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 255

Piss off

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 12:00

Today, I had to deal with my crazy new neighbour who tried to physically stop me from laying my new driveway, on my property, because she claimed she’s allergic to cement while it’s still wet. Even if that were true, piss off back to your house away from the wet cement then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 95

Grindset mindset

By stupidboss - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 136

You deserved it 1 233

Anonymous is typing…

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 05:00 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I finally wrote a DM to the girl I'm in love with, telling her not to say yes if her ex asked her out, and instead to go out with me. I then chickened out and deleted the message, but then realised she'd still get the notification on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 882

Ex-friend

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 03:00

Today, my friend, knowing my mental health is really bad right now, decided to yell out the fact I have an eating disorder, and how she never sees me eat ever, then started to talk about self-harm and how she would never do it despite what she has gone through. All while side-eyeing me when talking to other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 127

My body, my choice

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 06:00 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend's mother asked him when we were going to have kids. I already have a daughter from a previous marriage, and that pregnancy was traumatic, nearly ending in my death. Not to mention that due to depression and anxiety, I have put on an unhealthy amount of weight, making pregnancy higher risk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 168

Demon

By Spooked - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself last night was my sister's Furby that she'd stuck in the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 939

You deserved it 7 276

My body hates me

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 12:00 - United States - Elizabeth City

Today, like many other days before, my allergies decided, "screw you, you're dealing with me year round, no allergy medicine will keep me away, and you're going to break out in sneezing fits at the worst possible moments, which includes while you're driving on the highway." Shocking that I haven't been in a wreck yet, but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 113

The hero we deserved

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 15:00

Today, I helped save three people, including a newborn, when I was sole witness to a bad car crash. My boss said that wasn’t a valid reason to be 4 hours late for work and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 92

Edgy

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 10:00

Today, I made the mistake of telling my militant vegan coworker I have fond memories of hunting with my dad, which set her off like a tofu-powered grenade. If she doesn’t stop treating me like the devil, making snide comments, and other shit, I may have to go to HR about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 250

Thin skinned

By cbad - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I cut my finger with a plastic knife while demonstrating that you can't cut yourself with a plastic knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 150

You deserved it 48 787

Do it yourself, dickwad

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 14:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, I've been bedridden with the flu for two weeks. My boyfriend only got concerned because I haven't done any laundry, and was worried about what the girls at the coffee shop across from work would think if he turned up wearing the same clothes two days in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 130

Mild nightmare

By Sara Princess - 01/05/2023 03:00

Today, what should have been a perfect spring picnic, turned into a living nightmare. A salad from Subway was filled with hair. It was in a to go bag and I didn’t feel like going all the way back to the Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 185

The graduate

By A high school senior who is ready to be DONE - 30/04/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, it was time to take graduation cap and gown pics. My cap didn't fit on my head. I'd specifically requested that they make it much larger, but they didn't. When someone tried to force it onto my head, it tore apart. So now I have no graduation cap. I'm so fucking done. Only 2 weeks left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 146

The most British FML

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 22:00

Today, a traffic plod with nothing better to do gave me a ticket for my back bumper being a few inches over the start of some double yellow lines. He took photos, with a ruler and everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 284

Breaking news

By blaise - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 349

You deserved it 13 501

Another case for Alanis Morrissette

By Tandy - 01/05/2023 01:00 - Japan - Nagano

Today, I was trying to back up my messaging information on an app so if it ever got deleted I wouldn’t lose all my information. It ended up glitching out and erasing all my contacts and messages. Now I can’t even message back the guy I like that I’m not ignoring him. There goes that relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 176

Insufferable

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 15:00

Today, my autistic dad asked while I was in the middle of giving birth if I could be quieter and to hurry up because he was four hours late for work. When I yelled at him, he faked one of his meltdowns so mom had to leave me to deal with him, even though it’s SUPER obvious when he’s faking. God I hate his guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 199

Herbie Kirby

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 12:00

Today, I was literally taking care of my coworker's garbage. Piss was dumped on me as I lifted the Herbie Kirby to the larger dumpster. What the fuck, people? Don’t literally leave your waste for others to take care of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 125

Where am I?

By kronin - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up in a field 3 miles from where I'd passed out drunk. This wouldn't have been too bad if I didn't have to walk home through town without my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 132

You deserved it 40 785

Women be smiling

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 03:00

Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 297

Mystery

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 00:00

Today, somewhere between home and work, my glasses vanished off my face. I know I had them on before I set off because I cleaned them in the car and put them on, then halfway to work I suddenly had to squint to see because glasses gone. I’ve been searching for an hour, they are nowhere. HOW? FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 155

Red flags all over the place

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 05:00 - Japan - Nagano

Today, I messaged the guy I like, with whom I’ve felt we've been disconnected, and would like to talk soon to reconnect. We talked, but all he would do is answer my questions with blatant lies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 188

Damn, son

By Bob - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received a restraining order from a girl I have never met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 745

You deserved it 3 753

Read the room

By Mortified concert-cougher - 29/04/2023 18:00

Today, I went to a concert. About halfway through, it went quiet at the start of a solo acoustic song. My allergies chose this time to react to some audience member’s strong perfume. I tried to hold back my coughing, but I couldn’t. I found myself interrupting the entire show with a loud drawn-out coughing fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 133

Unhinged

By Anonymous - 29/04/2023 12:00

Today, I recently participated in a play and my mom asked for the video, so I said that someone should be sending it soon. My dad said, "It's OK, she doesn't have friends, she hasn't had one since childhood, that's why she doesn't have the video." I do in fact have friends, and the video had been sent already but I forgot to check. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 124

Keywords

Miscellaneous Weddings Awkward Love My ex Jealousy Friends AITA Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Relatable Therapy Mental health Covid Argument Parenting Kids Thanksgiving Ironic Medication Cute Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Work

The Top

Today, I came home from the minimum-wage job I suffer through to support my now ex-boyfriend's ailing music career. It seems his time management skills suck almost as badly as his music, because I found him in my bedroom, licking whipped cream off my step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 855

You deserved it 4 564

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 472

The Top

Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend. When I was at the restaurant, in mid-proposal, with people watching, I realized I had left the ring in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 898

You deserved it 15 812

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 860

You deserved it 82 732

Today, my ex has successfully turned our son into a copy of himself, a crooked lawyer with alcoholism, a wife who hates him, a mistress he can’t afford, and a pending jail sentence for tax evasion. They’re practically twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 246

Today, my boyfriend gave me serious shit because I couldn't name 10 Pokémon. He said he even considered dumping me. Glad to know he has his priorities straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 530

You deserved it 11 781

Today, my work directory was updated to reflect my recent promotion. Due to lack of space, they abbreviated the title. I'm now listed as "Sr Anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 349

You deserved it 1 672

Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 175

You deserved it 7 036