All the FMLs

Hellworld

By hannahnator - 02/12/2020 07:04 - United States - Racine

Today, it's the first day of our 2-week quarantine. Today, my 3 year-old also discovered Blippi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 184

Poor old George Orwell…

By literature - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, we are reading Animal Farm in class. Almost the entire class think it's about animal abuse. Including the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 393

You deserved it 3 065

Compassion

By Anonymous - 02/12/2020 11:05

Today, one of my friends got upset with me because I’m leaving our high school. The high school I have been bullied at for the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 97

Always call first

By Cat - 02/12/2020 08:06

Today, I went to visit my aunt who lives 6 hours away from me. Her car was missing from her driveway, but she's unemployed and barely leaves the house. Turns out, she moved in with her new boyfriend and didn't tell anyone, so I had to drive 6 hours back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 494

For the union makes us strong

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 20:06 - United States - Orange

Today, I found out that the owner of my workplace hasn't been paying any of the bills and that all 10 people on my crew and I will be losing our jobs in a matter of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 56

Not now, please

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 19:01 - Costa Rica - San José

Today, days before my graduation, I got sick with a virus, so I had constant vomit and incontinence. To receive my diploma, I had to wear a diaper and spend the whole graduation drinking electrolytes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 109

Hello, Goodbye

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 22:02 - United Kingdom - Isleworth

Today, I left my job, fulfilling my one month's notice after receiving a job offer from a much better-paying role. After saying goodbye to everyone, I left the building. Not two minutes later, the company who was offering the new job called to say they'd changed their minds, and there was now no longer a job on offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 142

Greetings

By anonymous409 - 01/12/2020 20:01

Today, I was going out to buy some stuff from the store. As I was leaving, my mom warned me to tie my shoelaces; I told her not to worry about it. As I'm walking down the street, I see my crush walking towards me. As I get closer and say hi, I trip on my shoelaces and face-plant into her chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 1 513

Slicey slicey

By tas2013kid - 01/12/2020 17:03 - Taiwan

Today, I found out I had three strands of pubic hair beside my nipple, so I decided to cut it off with a scissor since I'm going swimming tomorrow. In an attempt to cut off my third strand, I instead excised the cap of my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 1 188

Advent calendar time!

By firemansam - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was out selling Christmas-themed calendars for charity door-to-door. I rang a doorbell and a wild-eyed man appeared at the door, shouted about being "on nights" and that I'd woken him up, called me a "bell end", threw a newspaper at me and slammed the door in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 560

You deserved it 29 753

Mopping mad

By samdog37 - 01/12/2020 14:06

Today, my brand-obsessed sister bought $200 shorts. She was cutting the tag off of them in the kitchen and left them on the counter. I went into the kitchen, poured me some coke, and spilled it all over the counter. I thought the shorts were a rag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 360

Naps are important

By bigdikbubls - 01/12/2020 05:58 - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, I realised just how badly I procrastinate because I wanted to take a nap before going out for a friend's birthday, but I kept putting it off until I simply didn't have the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 730

Rolling in it

By Pratik_ra - 01/12/2020 07:58

Today, I got raise at work. It's $3 per month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 140

Lonely, so lonely

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 05:02

Today, after a nice Thanksgiving with my parents, and the usual question about when I'll bring a woman with me to meet them, I absentmindedly launched the usual dating app. I swiped completely dry with no matches, reminding myself that my entire city doesn't have one person interested in dating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 1 097

Mystery woman

By Nathalie - 30/11/2020 23:04

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend at his job. When I saw he wasn't there, I asked a co-worker, who told me his "sister" came by earlier. He's an only child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 69

Uber sister

By Aerogal - 30/11/2020 17:01

Today, I took my sister to the airport, after she asked me to a week ago. Five minutes into the ride, she told me she wasn’t going to the one 20 minutes away, but the one an hour away instead and gave me no gas money. FM

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 171

Monday madness

By socks - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed I'd mislaid one half of the "Monday" pair of socks from my "Days of the week" set that were a gift for my birthday. I'm slightly OCD. I think I'm going to rip the floorboards up if I don't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 933

You deserved it 10 169

Shedding

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 13:58

Today, I found out, after having my third and last child, that I'm balding. I'm only 23 and quite frankly It's very much noticeable. How did I find out? My four-year-old daughter pointed it out to me, saying, "Mommy, why you shed like the dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 245

Shoe gang rise up

By Yasha cohen - 30/11/2020 11:01

Today, right after preparing a gourmet plate of dry-aged steak with freshly cooked mashed potatoes, I stepped on my son's Lego and dropped my plate. I stood there for 5 minutes, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 435

Wokescolds gonna get you

By Red Toad - 30/11/2020 00:04 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I realized the topic for my 1750-word essay could end up offending people, and I had to start all over from the beginning with a different topic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 677

Read the room, lady

By Athsmatic and Angry - 29/11/2020 22:30 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I got bitched at by an old lady in Walmart for not wearing a mask. I had lowered my mask to use my inhaler, because I was having an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 124

Our soul

By baddream - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my grandmother's funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 000

You deserved it 4 775

Be hotter

By Amanda Howard - 30/11/2020 02:02

Today, I saw that a girl on Twitter made $1.5 million just from OnlyFans and she's only 19. Meanwhile, I'm 21 and working two jobs just to afford school and pay my bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 179

In the zone

By fgs - 29/11/2020 23:01

Today, after joking with the guy I've been talking to for 8 months about his plans for my birthday, he told me he didn't want to 'lead me on' and wants to stay friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 768

You deserved it 207

Lightweight

By Sorry babe - 29/11/2020 08:02 - United States

Today, I went out for drinks for the first since I stopped breastfeeding. I underestimated how low my tolerance had become and how strong the drinks were. My husband was stopped by two bouncers while trying to carry me to the car. They thought he'd drugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 265

Business school of business school

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 13:58

Today, I found out my husband hasn't paid the mortgage in 3 months. We have a joint account, but it has always been his job to pay the bills. We are in the process of selling our house, and when I asked him about it he said, "Why are you stressing? We're selling anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 137

Be better, people

By Unwelcome - 29/11/2020 11:02

Today, I went to my fiancé’s family’s house for dinner. They put pork and/or alcohol in EVERY. SINGLE. DISH. Including putting bacon grease in the desserts. They know I’m Muslim and his mom insisted I was being rude for only drinking water. We ended up leaving with me in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 941

You deserved it 430

Home Improvement

By coius - 29/11/2020 01:03 - United States - Lincoln

Today, our washing machine broke and dumped around 100 gallons onto the floor. My dad had installed crappy water valves and we couldn’t turn off the water. I called my dad and he accused me of lying. His “repairs” have now caused 5 major disasters in our home due to his shoddy and cheap work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 320

Alexa, play "Glad to be Unhappy" by The Mamas & The Papas

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 05:02

Today, my ex told me he never wanted to talk to me again, because of how annoying I am. I’m still madly in love with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 525

Rite of passage

By tortilla - 28/11/2020 16:58 - United States - Petaluma

Today, I got punched after telling my 11-year-old cousin that her period is "coming for her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 1 271

Keywords

Embarrassing Transportation Cars Parents Kids Awkward Dogs Animals Relatable Thanksgiving Thief Birthday Love Money Argument Family Health Politics Frustration Sex Intimacy Parenting Allergies Work Miscellaneous AITA First Dates Road rage Cute Am I overreacting?

The Top

Today, a friend told me he thought I was hot and we ended up having lunch together. I like him and we’ve already arranged a second date, but when I mentioned this to someone else, she got pretty upset. Turns out she liked me and had been dropping hints for a while. No clue what’ll happen to my friendship with her… FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 136

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. After a few minutes of conversing, he told me he didn't need to give me a ticket. He then asked for a date. I politely declined. After staring at me for a very long moment, he said, "I think I'm going to have to give you that ticket after all." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 750

You deserved it 27 040

The Top

Today, even though I diet and go to the gym, due to my hypothyroidism I'm now so overweight that when I went to hospital for an unrelated check up, the gorgeous nurse actually had to press and move around my fat-filled groin to make my penis pop out of its hiding place under the skin. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 248

You deserved it 291

Today, at a family reunion, my dad announced to everyone that I'd finally started my menstrual cycle. My grandmother started sobbing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 362

You deserved it 3 093

Today, my family and I were laying on my parents' bed watching a movie. My dad wrapped his arm around me and began rubbing my shoulder. That would have been fine, if it actually had been my shoulder and not my boob. Needless to say, we were both mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 255

You deserved it 2 000

Today, some of my coworkers have complained that I don't do my share of the work, though they can't specify exactly what I'm not getting done. Apparently, being too efficient and finishing first means I mustn't have done anything at all. The supervisor sided with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 473

You deserved it 1 656

Today, I woke up early to travel to the office headquarters 3.5 hours away for important meetings. After waking up at 5.30am, picking up all my colleagues and driving 40 min out of town, I realised I was wearing my woolen house slippers. They were the only pair of shoes I'd brought on the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 658

You deserved it 9 520

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 717

You deserved it 3 192