Accident

Fun times

By Anonymous - 17/02/2022 15:59

Today, I learned never to try a jump-scare prank on my boyfriend. Apparently, his instinct when suddenly scared isn’t to jump or scream like a baby, it’s to throw a blind punch. Luckily, he missed but he broke my glasses by knocking them off my nose and now he won’t stop apologising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 1 814

Bad boss

By Anonymous - 17/02/2022 14:00

Today, despite warning my boss that it’s dangerous and stupid, he still insisted I get on with putting up a 4-storey tall scaffolding in high winds, and when it blew over, he blamed me for not putting it together correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 96

Graceful

By battered and bruised - 14/02/2022 06:00

Today, I bought some roller skates to go with the set my daughter got for her birthday. I haven’t skated since I was a kid, but I figured it was like riding a bike and I couldn’t have forgotten altogether. My broken coccyx disagrees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 262

Baby you can drive my car

By fuck off you fucking shitburglar - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - London

Today, a tailgating idiot rear-ended me at a red light, then had the balls to say it was my fault for "driving too close" to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 501

You deserved it 1 515

It's lit

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 00:01

Today, after spending 2 years growing out my hair, rubbing in oils to make it strong and healthy so I could shave it off and donate to a cancer charity to make wigs, I had a mishap at work with a car's cracked petrol tank. I now have 2nd degree facial burns and like 90% of the hair is burned away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 494

You deserved it 132

Smashing awakening

By charapos - 06/02/2022 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by slamming my ankle into a glass bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 229

Slippin' up

By Anonymous - 03/02/2022 04:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, someone told me to watch out for ice and slick spots. Gee, thanks. I could have used that information before I stepped out of my car and fell on some black ice. My left arm feels like it's on fire, and I'm left handed to boot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 252

Kitchen nightmares

By Masterchef331 - 01/02/2022 05:00

Today, I decided it was the perfect day to make Penne alla Vodka. It was also the perfect day to set my kitchen on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 628

Beginner's luck

By dumbass - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. I hit my own parked car while trying to drive my mother's car into the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 143

You deserved it 27 628

MY WAIF!

By Bogrbon - 26/01/2022 20:01

Today, for the third time this year, my wife backed into the garage door. We’d just finally got it fixed exactly one week ago for $1800 from the last time she did it. Somehow it’s my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 116

Never sneak up

By Anonymous - 26/01/2022 14:01

Today, I was listening to some music before school started, which is why I didn't hear my teacher sneak up behind me. When she laid her hand on my shoulder, of course I accidentally punch her in the face. Her nose bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 862

My poor baby

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a car hit me while I was on a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 141

You deserved it 3 188

Sneaky thievery

By Anonymous - 17/01/2022 23:01 - United States - Toledo

Today, we went to clear out our car. It was totaled by a drunk driver without car insurance. It was first towed to the police's impound lot, and then transferred to a garage. Everything was in the car at the police lot, but when we got to the garage, the two 12" subwoofers and amplifier were gone from the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 138

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 09/01/2022 06:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 309

Notice me

By bb. - 29/12/2021 16:59

Today, I spent my entire shift fantasizing about being in a car wreck and getting hospitalized, just so my mother would show me any love whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 216

Don't catch you slippin' now

By Anonymous - 28/12/2021 17:01

Today, I somehow miscounted the steps on the staircase I've used multiple times a day for 20 years, then fell all the way to the bottom. Doctors say I fractured my coccyx, which is basically the ass bone at the bottom of my spine. I can neither sit or lie on my back for at least 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 155

Accidents come fast

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 899

You deserved it 3 003

Those things are lethal

By Anonymous - 15/12/2021 23:01 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I was riding an electric scooter on my way to work when a car sped out of a driveway and hit me. Not only did I end up in hospital, but I missed my job on the second day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 131

Monday Motivation

By Katie - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, while on trial for a desperately needed new job, I tripped crossing a road with my would-be manager. I twisted my ankle, and he had to carry me across the road and call a taxi for me to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 853

You deserved it 2 967

You may be entitled to compensation…

By Anonymous - 06/12/2021 14:01

Today, I was working when a forklift came speeding out a trailer without honking. I jumped out the way, only to trip over something and fall out the dock door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 104

It's the most wonderful time of the year

By Demona666 - 06/12/2021 08:01

Today, I was in a car accident while driving to my brother's school to drop off some documents that he had to bring in, and forgot at home. While not even driving at 20 km/h, I started drifting on an icy spot. I hit a road sign and my car fell into a ditch. I probably have a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 110

Four to the floor, I was sure…

By jalapeno_popper - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way why they say "four on the floor" at school. I leaned too far back while rocking in the chair and fell off. I grabbed the desk to save myself, and it came down too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 786

You deserved it 35 534

Fragile

By jballer - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was driving home at night, and got into an accident. Someone had left a toilet in the middle of the road. I hit it. The toilet's fine, but my car now has a toilet-shaped dent in the front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 857

You deserved it 6 521

McSteamy

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 11:00

Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 209

You deserved it 2 175

Grandma's here!

By Anonymous - 29/10/2021 14:00

Today, my mother-in-law was so rabid to meet her first grandson, she didn’t just nudge me aside to get to the delivery room, she two-hand shoved me in the chest so I flew backwards and down a flight of stairs. I’m now in a neck brace for a hairline crack to my vertebrae and can’t pick up my own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 662

You deserved it 76

Bad start

By Kathryn - 28/10/2021 07:59 - United States

Today, I was getting ready for school and stepped out on my porch to go wait for the bus. I literally said out loud, “Today is gonna be a good day.” I took one step and fell all the way down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 188

Felt cute, might delete myself later

By being a fairy is hard - 28/10/2021 08:00

Today, my daughter lost a tooth. I wanted to make the Tooth Fairy experience extra special, so I dipped her doll's feet in paint to leave “tracks” from the window to her bed. As I was adding the finishing touches and spreading glitter, I tripped on a toy, faceplanted and lost my own tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 393

Ohhh, wham bam thank you ma'am

By gagus123 - 28/10/2021 02:00 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, I accidentally left the handbrake off in my car, got out, locked it, and started walking away. Then I heard a loud noise and looked over my shoulder and the car was gone. Of course, it hit the only other car parked in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 951

Can't let the big man upstairs wait

By Sirsriracha - 21/10/2021 14:01

Today, I posted bail for my mom from jail. She did a hit and run, and then resisted arrest. When I asked why she didn’t stay at the scene, she unapologetically said, “I was gonna be late to church.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 119

I'm parked here!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 17:00

Today, they've been building a house next door. I went to wash and wax my car, and I was back home for only 10 minutes before a Bobcat digger backed into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 66

Keywords

Animals Cats Christmas Health Embarrassing Work Awkward Love Boredom Anniversary Intimacy Ironic Abuse Drunk AITA Am I overreacting? Transportation Alcohol Gun control Kids Parents Language Mysterious Noise Relatable Money Miscellaneous Food Delivery Family

The Top

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 643

You deserved it 29 280

Today, my best friend got a new boyfriend. She asked him what he wanted for his upcoming birthday, and he said he just wanted to hang out with her and watch a movie or two. I thought it was sweet, so I asked my boyfriend what he would like for his upcoming birthday. He said a blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 195

You deserved it 47 634

The Top

Today, I'm a 35 year-old man, and I'm moving in with my girlfriend soon. I have two options, get rid of all my lingerie, or tell her I love to wear it underneath my regular clothes, garter, and stockings included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 1 147

Today, during a Zoom meeting, five out of the six attendees claimed their cameras were broken and were audio only. I get that Zoom meetings suck but come up with a better excuse than that, or just say you prefer to be audio only, Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 404

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 192

You deserved it 2 853

Today, my mom called to bestow upon me warm holiday pearls of wisdom: "I hope you aren't giving everyone your natural handmade eco-shit again. Gifts should be returnable. And have a price." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 807

You deserved it 9 045

Today, my coworker was supposed to pick me up to go to a work event as my car is broken. I waited 3 hours and he never showed. After he arrived late to the event due to traffic, he told my boss that he waited for me and I never came out. Guess who's unemployed now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 267

You deserved it 387

Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 145

You deserved it 5 498