Awkward

Is this catfishing?

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 06:00

Today, I went on a date with someone I've been talking to online for weeks. Unfortunately, it turns out they'd used old photos and misrepresented themselves, and I didn't find them attractive at all. Even I'm not that desperate. We ended up having an awkward dinner and I couldn't wait for it to be over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 202

It's still out there

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 22:00 - Denmark - Odense

Today, I got tons of sympathy (and hugs) from my co-workers after intense sneezing and coughing due to my "seasonal allergies." When I got home, my SO asked if allergies are contagious, because he had them too. He didn't have allergies. We have Covid. And so do most of my co-workers now. I suck! FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 1 067

Sounds like a keeper

By Rae - 30/03/2023 10:00

Today, I went on a date with a guy who seemed really nice. However, halfway through the date, he started talking about how he was a flat-earther, and believed that the moon landing was faked. Oh, and that birds aren't real. I had to endure another hour of his conspiracy theories before I could finally escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 141

Are you kidding me right now?

By Not your maid - 29/03/2023 16:00

Today, my husband had the cheek to ask me, “What’s for dinner tonight?” and “I have no clean slacks for tomorrow can you wash me some?” no more than 10 minutes after he told me he wants us to see other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 140

Don't hate the player…

By Anonymous - 29/03/2023 14:00

Today, my son is such an idiot that he forgot he invited both his girlfriends to my brother's funeral. They started a punch-up over him and everyone ended up joining in since we're a very argumentative family. People got arrested and in the end both girls agreed to share my son, who was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 272

Metal AF

By Anonymous - 28/03/2023 04:00 - Canada

Today, I was working from home when I mistakenly turned on my video camera during a conference call. I was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt with a "Cannibal Corpse" album cover on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 743

Nice

By I'm getting nowhere - 27/03/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, I've known that I'm too nice for a long time, so I've been trying to become more assertive. Unfortunately, my Avoidant Personality Disorder is not receptive to the idea. For those of you who don't know, a crippling sensitivity to criticism and rejection is the most prominent symptom. Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 193

Big boy

By Rjlup - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Denver

Today, I took my pet rabbit to the vet because I had noticed his genitals looked swollen compared to my other rabbit's. It turns out he's just "gifted". The vet laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 169

You deserved it 7 309

I don't know what I'm doing

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 12:00

Today, I was supposed to have an important work video call with several members of management. However, when I logged onto the call, I realized that I had a cat filter on my feed and couldn't figure out how to turn it off. The lead manager was not amused and said I was having a "Boomer moment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 643

She noped out of that one

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 06:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I'd planned a surprise party for my best friend's birthday. However, she apparently found out about it and told me at the last minute she couldn't make it, probably to avoid being the center of attention. I'd already invited all of our mutual friends, so I had to awkwardly cancel the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 543

Dodger

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 22:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I went to the grocery store and saw my ex with her new partner. I tried to hide from them, but ended up getting locked in the store after closing time. I had to call security to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 246

You deserved it 923

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 268

Right under my nose

By _akwardsituation - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I realized the odd smell I've been trying to get out of the house is actually coming from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 468

You deserved it 33 715

Living in a bad TV show

By Anonymous - 25/03/2023 14:00

Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. Turns out I had sex with her once about 3 months before I met my girlfriend, and had no idea who she was. She’s been “happily” married to my girlfriend's dad for 25 years. I have no idea what to say or do and it’s awkward, so my girlfriend is getting suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 077

You deserved it 462

Dirty dancing

By Anonymous - 25/03/2023 00:00

Today, I went to the gym to try out a new workout class. Halfway through, I realized I was in the wrong room and had accidentally joined a dance class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 745

Where to start?

By doggone - 24/03/2023 14:00 - United States

Today a big-ass hawk swooped down and carried off my daughter’s dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 129

Date night

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my fiancé and I planned a romantic movie night. Champagne, popcorn, romantic comedy. Then his friend decided to show up and they've been talking about first generation Pokémon ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 320

You deserved it 5 937

Flying disaster

By Anonymous - 24/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I was on a plane when I had to use the bathroom. While pulling up my pants, the flush button got stuck and the water kept running. I tried to fix it, but ended up flooding the bathroom and the aisle. The attendants had to give me a towel and escort me back to my seat with everyone on the plane staring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 838

You deserved it 141

Stealthy

By Anonymous - 24/03/2023 04:00

Today, I was on a date with a guy and we decided to go see a movie. As we were walking in, I saw my ex-boyfriend with his new girlfriend. I tried to avoid them, but my left heel got caught in a crack in the pavement and I fell face-first onto the ground. My ex and his girlfriend saw me, laughed, and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 146

You never see that in those pornos (or so I'm told)

By Anonymous - 23/03/2023 04:00

Today, while trying anal for the first time, my partner pulled out but the condom got stuck. It was left it dangling outta my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 369

No dress code

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Sherman Oaks

Today, I overslept. I didn’t have any time to get ready for school so I just went in my pajamas. When I got there, my teacher walked up to to me and said, “Nice pajamas!” However, I understood, “Nice vagina!” so I replied, “Oh thanks. Nice penis!” I’m dropping out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 188

You deserved it 1 260

Slip up

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 18:00

Today, I had pest guys over, so I asked if I should put my cat away. They asked if he was crazy, and I usually call him a "nut job" or a "handful" but instead of one of those, I said, "He's a handjob" to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 232

Glitterati

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 12:00

Today, my girlfriend and her friends mocked my "fragile masculinity" because I bought men's body wash instead of sharing her body wash. Her body wash is full of glitter, which irritates my skin horribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 885

You deserved it 115

Gurning

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I had a video call with my boss, but my internet connection was so bad that my video feed ended up freezing in the most unflattering pose possible. I had to explain to my boss that I wasn't actually making a weird face on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 84

Turn off

By no no no - 21/03/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 115

You deserved it 311

Skiving

By randa - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night, so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 367

You deserved it 58 006

Honesty ain't always the best policy

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 16:00 - Canada

Today, I finally got an interview for the job I want. The interviewer looked at my resumé and asked, "So, what have you been doing for the past 10 years?" I guess binge-watching Netflix wasn't the right answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 1 119

Get out of my dreams, get into my car

By Potatoe - 20/03/2023 10:00

Today, the man of my dreams who I met online and have been exchanging messages with day and night for weeks asked the dreaded question: “Can you send me a full body pic?” It’s been 5 years since I had a guy hit me up. I weigh 300 lbs and look like a potato with legs. I don’t wanna lose him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 1 070

Commited

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 00:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask out my crush, only to find out that they're already in a committed relationship with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 155

Flustration

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 18:00

Today, I got flustered by the gorgeous sandwich artist at Subway and ordered a “meat-long foot-ball.” On Rye of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 254

Keywords

Gross Animals Cats Poopoo peepee Awkward Love Smells Miscellaneous Embarrassing Health Painful First Dates Christmas Work Social Media Music Grieving Anniversary Boredom Abuse Ironic Intimacy Alcohol AITA Am I overreacting? Drunk Transportation Parents Kids Gun control

The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 64

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 729

You deserved it 53 112

The Top

Today, I called my insurance company begging for a new doctor. All my current one does is prescribe antidepressants for everything. Migraines? AD! Dizziness? AD! Birth control? AD! I’ve been having rough periods and I’m pretty sure she’s just trying to push pills to bill us more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 89

Today, my washing machine, dryer, vacuum cleaner, and laptop all stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 166

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 6 719

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 218

You deserved it 7 119

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 508

You deserved it 12 748

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 829

You deserved it 10 241