Babies

Long road ahead

By coloradoman - 30/11/2009 06:34 - United States

Today, while I was flying on American Airlines back from visiting family, a newborn puked its breakfast all over my HP mini, knocked my orange juice into my lap, then coughed up another layer on top of it all. I couldn't change my pants because of we were about to experience turbulence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 579

You deserved it 3 119

Nervous

By R…… - 28/10/2009 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, we were gathered to be told some bad news. One of our colleagues would be taking indefinite leave because his wife had dropped their newborn baby. I accidentally laughed at the image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 683

You deserved it 61 821

Whoops

By 8reth72 - 11/06/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year-old son who had died a couple months before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 213

You deserved it 87 091

Milkmaid

By Heifer - 16/05/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 954

You deserved it 21 342

Cropduster

By Sodge - 15/05/2009 10:20 - Australia

Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 409

You deserved it 45 252

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The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 64

Today, my girlfriend, who used to have the sex drive of a rabbit on Viagra, has recently lost all interest. It turns out that because her dad finally approves of me, she’s no longer interested in me. Apparently she only lusted after me when her dad didn’t like me, so now I’m of no interest to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 122

The Top

Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 866

You deserved it 3 206

Today, I took my date out for dinner to a seafood restaurant and she ordered expensive prawns. Later, when we had sex, she started to complain about her stomach hurting and then had diarrhea for hours. Great job prawns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 794

You deserved it 5 040

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 136

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 681

You deserved it 5 154

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I called my parents and they told me that they found weed in the guest house, so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say, "Happy Birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 618

You deserved it 4 899

Today, I was talking to my boss about her children. She told me she didn’t want them to develop any problems by letting them sleep with the light on. I didn’t tell her last night I slept with the light on because I’m scared of ghosts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 339

You deserved it 44 857