Work

The best form of flattery?

By Fred - 28/01/2024 15:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I mistakenly sent a voice message to my boss while imitating him in a comical way. The message contained my spot-on impression, complete with exaggerated jargon and phrases he frequently uses. I didn't realize it until I received a reply saying, "LOL, nailed it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 782

Shady

By Mellieb - 28/01/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I found out the reason why my boyfriend of two years stopped posting about our relationship on social media. It wasn’t to “protect our relationship from hating eyes and bad energy.” Apparently, there’s a hot new young lady that works with him and he added her. Me being in the picture would ruin his chances with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 119

Run for cover

By scaredycat - 28/01/2024 06:00 - Germany - Frankfurt am Main

Today, the most manipulative man I know decided he's going to get me to be his next wife. I'm still in therapy after breaking free from growing up in a violent and manipulative household. He's working with me, so there's limited options of getting out of his presence. I'm scared for my sanity and my freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 157

Pride and prejudice

By Anonymous - 27/01/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in a misguided attempt to earn my asshole dad's approval I went to university to get my business degree and took over the family restaurant. Now I have all the stress of managing the restaurant, he has retired and is moving abroad. Oh, and he still isn’t proud of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 292

Stick hot mess

By Anonymous - 27/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went to a job interview and, feeling nervous, accidentally knocked over the interviewer's Mountain Dew. Trying to recover, I blurted out, "Don't worry, I'm used to cleaning up messes." The awkward silence that followed made it clear I wouldn't be cleaning up anything in their office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 155

Dingus

By UnemployedWife - 26/01/2024 00:00 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my husband typed in my work Teams Chat, “FUCK THIS JOB I QUIT” while I was away from my desk. All this because he’s still jealous of my and a male coworker’s friendship. I was terminated. He showed no remorse for what he did and told me to find another job where I won’t “slut around.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 263

Madhouse

By Anonymous - 24/01/2024 09:00 - Germany

Today, I was trying to get some sewing done and learned that the absolute least efficient way of realizing a project with lots of moving parts is to have either a toddler or a fun-loving pet see what you’re doing and decide to “help” with this exciting venture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 152

Rollercoaster

By Anonymous - 23/01/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, it's been two months since I started dating a woman I met at work after she had found out her boyfriend cheated on her. She confessed to me she only looked through his phone to find evidence so she wouldn’t feel bad for liking me. I was happy as can be for two months. Now she’s now going back to her ex. We all see each other every Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 228

Bad hair day

By Tony - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 329

You deserved it 2 642

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I'd finally got home from a 15-hour shift at work and wanted to lay down and eat. I poured myself a bowl of cereal, went to my room, and sat it on my bed. My dog then jumped right on my bed and yanked the sheets off, causing the cereal to fly everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 235

Seeged

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 09:00 - Australia

Today, I found out that the word "segue" is pronounced like the "Segway" brand. Unfortunately, I found this out as I was giving a speech, which someone interrupted to correct me. I'm a 41 year-old salesman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 260

How to start a failed YouTube channel

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend blew half of the money we'd saved for a vacation on a fancy new camera. His reasoning? "Loads of YouTubers are quitting YouTube, there's money to be made." FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 88

Snow day

By J…… - 21/01/2024 09:00 - United States - Coventry

Today, is the second time this week that school is delayed because of snow or "extreme ice." It's like we're Texas now, they get 2 inches of snow and the whole state gets shut down, but no, I live in Rhode Island. I gotta go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 137

Yeah, Mike

By considering murder - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I finally put the finishing touches to a huge project after 8 months of gruelling work. My boss had used the promise of a 5-figure bonus to motivate me. When I casually brought the bonus up later in the day, my boss just said, "Gratitude's its own reward, Mike." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 714

You deserved it 1 895

Debate perverts

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my music students began a lively debate about whether or not a music stand would make a good weapon for the zombie apocalypse. What am I teaching them? FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 641

You deserved it 969

You guys suck

By fishbearpig - 18/01/2024 23:00 - Romania - Cluj-Napoca

Today, I had to give a presentation on how we can improve our department metrics to a group of dumb executives who keep confusing and mixing up IT departments. Our department is doing great, the problem is that the executives keep mixing up the departments and blame us for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 68

Unreasonable

By Busting my hump - 16/01/2024 18:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm on my sixth straight day of double shifts, with four more to go. I make overtime so I'm not complaining, but today my wife texted me, "Going out of town tonight, I expect the house to be spotless when I return." Not sure how I'm going to swing this one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 123

Meritocracy indeed

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was forced to hire my boss’s niece. The kid failed out of college twice, but I could have forgiven her if she worked hard to learn, but she's so lazy and dumb, so dumb that if she shook her head I think I’d actually hear her single brain cell rattle like a rock in a box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 124

This is fine

By Anonymous - 16/01/2024 13:30 - India

Today, I misread a message that said they needed someone to volunteer for an event. Since the message was from my committee senior, I read the volunteer part and said yes. I missed the "and host it" part so now I have to give a speech in front of all the senior professors and the guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 611

What did you just say?

By keeks_25 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 242

You deserved it 26 137

Classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 14/01/2024 22:00 - France

Today, I received an email from my boss, with congratulations, announcing my promotion. I worked hard last year, so I was excited to hear this and replied with gratitude. He texted me and apologized for misunderstanding as this email was sent by mistake, and it was my coworker who actually got promoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 89

Take a load off

By MustyAtticMouth - 13/01/2024 05:00 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, a long day of work and a bad day for my mental health, I tried to relax with my wife, a movie, and a soda. After returning from using the bathroom, I took a swig to discover a particularly odorous stink bug had snuck into the can, now my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 104

Forbidden thoughts

By Everything Counts - 12/01/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, my thoughts are filled with fantasies of pleasuring my boss under his desk, to the point where it distracts me from job duties. I take a break and wank at work, and then I return to my normal way of thinking and how much I love my wife and how happy I am. Lust really can blind someone to what is important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 523

Time for a dirty protest

By Anonymous - 12/01/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boss if he was getting temp workers to cover the three ladies from my office on maternity for at least the next two years. He laughed at my fine joke, then said my office will just have to cope. I’m the only member of that office left. I have to do the work of four people for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 131

Going great, eh?

By Anonymous - 11/01/2024 19:00 - United States - San Pedro

Today, I found out that my kids hate and are actively ignoring me; my wife is bipolar and she swears she hates me too after over 20 years of marriage, and my job sucks the life out of me every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 146

Why would you do this?

By harrassment101 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a female co-worker was struggling with a stack of boxes in her hands. Her pantyhose was falling down and she asked me to help her, so I pulled up her pantyhose. When I looked up, she had a horrified look on her face. She was asking me to help her hold the boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 561

You deserved it 57 399

Stars of CCTV

By Guess I'm jobless - 10/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I nailed a job interview and they hired me on the spot. The only problem was I was bursting at the seams and had to poop really bad. After destroying their bathroom and taking my leave, not an hour later I got a phone call saying they're "gonna go a different direction." FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 226

Out of my head

By Gabriella - 10/01/2024 08:00 - United States - Copperas Cove

Today, I was so sleep deprived that when a customer held their hand out to get their receipt, I slapped it without thinking about it. Great way to start 2024. FML

I agree, your life sucks 230

You deserved it 328

The buck stops here

By Anonymous - 07/01/2024 23:00

Today, my boss showed me how he wants his office redecorating. We have employees on minimum wage and yet he wants a private bathroom, large screen TV, sofa and PlayStation, and a decorative suit of armour, all in an office that’s already bigger than my one bedroom flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 94

Customer of the day

By oped01 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cape Coral

Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 393

You deserved it 1 062

Keywords

Cheating Love Work Relatable Money Jealousy My ex Health Accident Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight

The Top

Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 5 961

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 483

You deserved it 11 507

The Top

Today, at work in a library, I found a dirty diaper stuffed under one of the public use computer desks. Not only was it leaking, but it had been run over several times by a rolling office chair. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 671

You deserved it 2 812

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 557

You deserved it 4 468

Today, I asked my mom why she decided to be a parent. She replied, in all seriousness, "Everyone else was doing it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 719

You deserved it 3 850

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 491

You deserved it 15 057

Today, my boss yelled at me for ignoring emails on my day off. Our emails are only accessible from work desktops, so I’d have had to be at my desk to answer it, which I had to explain to him 3 times before he understood. This is what happens when CEO’s promote their nephews to middle management. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 63

Today, I was diagnosed with Covid. I've been living with my ex for 8 months. They started dating again, and their new partner broke up with them and gave them Covid, then my ex gave it to me. I was supposed to move out, and now I have to delay it further. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 267