Animals: Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend,...

By OnlyAvailableID - 08/02/2015 08:35 - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 072

You deserved it 3 682

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Golden shower

By Anonymous - 08/11/2019 03:00

Today, I had my first golden shower. Too bad it was from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 390

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 159

You deserved it 339

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 587

You deserved it 6 496

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 494

You deserved it 4 511

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 998

You deserved it 10 554

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 145

You deserved it 482

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 321

You deserved it 645

By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 16:04 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 482

You deserved it 5 835

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 02:14 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 514

You deserved it 4 197

By littlespoon - 04/02/2010 08:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 459

You deserved it 3 567

kingkobrastrikes 13

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:05

two ******* at one time... you're a champ!

keithsbooty 20

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:03

You can call that a devil's threesome ...

Comments

keithsbooty 20

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:03

You can call that a devil's threesome ...

cartoonboy 26

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:04

Ow! I feel your pain bro! Just make sure kitty doesn't go into the room next time

Wizardo 33

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:04

What? Cat got your nutsack?

STEALTHHUNTER88 13

Saturday 14 February 2015 19:54

This comment made my day, I'll be completely honest

kingkobrastrikes 13

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:05

two ******* at one time... you're a champ!

incoherentrmblr 21

Sunday 8 February 2015 20:29

Time to beat those ******* up...

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

Sunday 8 February 2015 22:11

2,3,4 we have some good commenters lol.. home run. woot woot

Mossygirl357 12

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:07

Ouch!

thomasrasmussen7 20

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:08

It's never good when a pussy gets mad.

djurmel89 30

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:09

Two *******, you hero!

ComoEsJuan 24

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:10

Normally, most threesomes are a ball.

Paws_Cat 29

Monday 9 February 2015 6:41

This one was two.

Apretendbiscuit 12

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:11

I don't want to know what the cat did to make you ejaculate so quickly

joshi42 16

Sunday 8 February 2015 22:45

Played with his balls, he just wrote it.

Turtle_Man 21

Monday 9 February 2015 0:01

#31 doesn't play games

feven 32

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:13

There's always next time.

Keywords

Christmas Family Awkward Social Media Relatable Technology Money Holidays Narcissistic parents Love Drunk Gifts Religion Miscellaneous Shopping AITA Delivery Furniture Cheating Facebook Sex Animals Dogs Cold weather Work Bosses Embarrassing Cute Am I overreacting? Cats

The Top

Today, I worked construction building a hotel. I was taking out the trash when I suddenly felt an extreme urge to poop. I ran into one of the rooms and found an empty cardboard box to poop into. Finished, I closed the box and made my way to the door. I then saw my boss staring at me from the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 4 690

Today, I decided to be the sober housemate for the first time in a while. I drove my drunk friends to the bar and back, even buying them pizza before they passed out in the living room. I got repaid by catching my wasted housemate in my room, peeing all over my floor, bed, and nightstand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 362

You deserved it 8 369

The Top

Today, I went to surprise my girlfriend, who was at work at Target, with flowers. I asked the employee at the entrance if she was there. When he asked who I was, his face lit up red and he started profusely apologizing, stating, “She told me you guys broke up.” before guiding me to her area. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 95

Today, I've realized how badly my social anxiety disorder has affected my ability to bond with relatives. I sat in silent regret as I listened to cousins and aunts relate fond memories of our recently departed grandma during family dinner. It hurts to know I'll never have another chance with grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 200

Today, I’m at that glorious age where I have to pull apart my wrinkles to get at the zits hiding inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 107

Today, I walked in on my son flopping around on the floor with a blanket wrapped around his legs. Apparently at age 22, he'd rather pretend to be a mermaid than go out and get a damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 875

You deserved it 2 460

Today, I felt bad about rarely complimenting my mom about her cooking, so during dinner, I raved about her incredible, creamy, macaroni and cheese. It came from a box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 129

You deserved it 8 253

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. As I was on the treadmill, I accidentally hit the emergency stop button. In my attempt to play it cool, I tried to pretend it was intentional and yelled, "I've reached my fitness goal for the day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 112

You deserved it 686

Same thing different taste

Golden shower

Sick move, bro

Top comments

Comments