Animals: Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend,...

By OnlyAvailableID - 08/02/2015 08:35 - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 072

You deserved it 3 682

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Same thing different taste

Golden shower

By Anonymous - 08/11/2019 03:00

Today, I had my first golden shower. Too bad it was from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 390

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 16:00 - Sweden

Today, I met this girl and we ended up having sex at her place. She decided to give me some head underneath the cover, it really was great until her Garfield sized cat decided to jump on her head and make her choke on it. Guess who got kicked out in the middle of the night for being too reckless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 158

You deserved it 339

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 20:53 - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 587

You deserved it 6 495

Sick move, bro

By jlw1998 - 25/04/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 494

You deserved it 4 510

By prevostsrocklike - 11/05/2009 12:38 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a cat. The first thing it did when it got out of the box was scratch the shit out of my leg. Next, it ran up to my wife and purred. She said, "Good cat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 998

You deserved it 10 554

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 141

You deserved it 482

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 321

You deserved it 644

By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 16:04 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 481

You deserved it 5 834

By Anonymous - 14/11/2014 02:14 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 513

You deserved it 4 197

By littlespoon - 04/02/2010 08:40 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 459

You deserved it 3 567

kingkobrastrikes 13

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:05

two ******* at one time... you're a champ!

keithsbooty 20

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:03

You can call that a devil's threesome ...

Comments

keithsbooty 20

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:03

You can call that a devil's threesome ...

cartoonboy 26

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:04

Ow! I feel your pain bro! Just make sure kitty doesn't go into the room next time

Wizardo 33

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:04

What? Cat got your nutsack?

STEALTHHUNTER88 13

Saturday 14 February 2015 19:54

This comment made my day, I'll be completely honest

kingkobrastrikes 13

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:05

two ******* at one time... you're a champ!

incoherentrmblr 21

Sunday 8 February 2015 20:29

Time to beat those ******* up...

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

Sunday 8 February 2015 22:11

2,3,4 we have some good commenters lol.. home run. woot woot

Mossygirl357 12

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:07

Ouch!

thomasrasmussen7 20

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:08

It's never good when a pussy gets mad.

djurmel89 30

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:09

Two *******, you hero!

ComoEsJuan 24

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:10

Normally, most threesomes are a ball.

Paws_Cat 29

Monday 9 February 2015 6:41

This one was two.

Apretendbiscuit 12

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:11

I don't want to know what the cat did to make you ejaculate so quickly

joshi42 16

Sunday 8 February 2015 22:45

Played with his balls, he just wrote it.

Turtle_Man 21

Monday 9 February 2015 0:01

#31 doesn't play games

feven 32

Sunday 8 February 2015 19:13

There's always next time.

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The Top

Today, my 4 year-old daughter was looking at a magazine cover with a well endowed model showing off her cleavage. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, when I grow up, will I have big round boobies like her or tiny pointy ones like you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 556

You deserved it 4 813

Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 443

You deserved it 3 015

The Top

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards, the doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a Maxi Pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a Maxi Pad on my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 880

You deserved it 6 482

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 803

You deserved it 4 861

Today, I was excited to finally get an interview after being unemployed since getting out of the military nearly a year ago. Turns out, they weren't even interested in hiring me. They'd just never met a female Marine before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 470

You deserved it 822

Today, I found a DIY beauty hack online, so as I had nothing better to do and my skin is a mess, I gave it a try. I mixed lemon juice with sugar to exfoliate my face. Little did I know, I had a tiny cut on my cheek. The lemon juice made it feel like my face was on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 359

Today, I finally saw a dermatologist due to my unusually severe acne. Now I know I actually have a rare disorder that makes me allergic to my own acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 012

You deserved it 1 218

Today, I was hosting a pool party, when my husband and his friends got the bright idea of lighting one of the party balloons on fire. Needless to say, it immediately exploded. In shock, he jumped back straight into me, sending me and my $400 cell phone splashing into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 471

You deserved it 6 652

Same thing different taste

Golden shower

Sick move, bro

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