Work, Sex and Intimacy: All sexed up - FML

All sexed up

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 278

You deserved it 48 324

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Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

He enjoyed himself way too much

By Galo - 30/01/2022 19:58

Spicy

Today, I had to clean cum from one of the seats of the movie theater where I work at as a cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 118

Not what you think

By Anonymous - 28/05/2023 06:00

Today, I was running late to work so I started getting dressed and brushing my teeth. I got to work 5 minutes late, which is when noticed a toothpaste stain on my shirt. I thought it looked identical to a cum stain, and the worst part was I was wearing black, so it was noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 249

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 04:44 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my boss held my hair while I threw up. It's day two on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 129

You deserved it 9 053

Great look

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 17:00

Today, I had a conversation with my work crush. I walked back to my office, only to realize I had breakfast in my hair. I had oatmeal for breakfast, and it looked like puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 303

Disgusting

By SnotScrubber - 05/04/2024 07:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was idly scratching gunk off the common computer while waiting for a meeting to start. It wasn't until the end that I realized it was dried snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 125

By g_unit - 10/12/2009 05:24 - Canada

Today, at work, I went to fold a pair of pants that was left in a changing room to find out that someone had taken a dump in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 654

You deserved it 2 615

Bad hair day

By ewwgross - 20/05/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 446

You deserved it 3 677

By notmine - 20/04/2014 02:39 - India - New Delhi

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 720

You deserved it 3 545

By RetailJocky - 15/08/2017 13:00

Today, at work, a bag of driveway repair tar split and spilled on my arms and hands. Not only does it stain and pull out any arm hair it touches, the stains also look like I was playing in dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 409

You deserved it 297

By lily_marleen - 17/05/2015 21:27 - Germany - Emskirchen

Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 994

You deserved it 2 126

Next

Top comments

smokeymcpottt 3

Sunday 24 October 2010 16:14

He tried to get your hair pregnant.

UnicornsDoExist 0

Sunday 24 October 2010 16:57

There's this thing called a shower. It's new and everything, but t does work.

Comments

realityreject 0

Monday 25 October 2010 7:35

ydi for not taking a shower and how did you know it was cum op?(;

IJam2DMB 0

Monday 25 October 2010 12:58

you are sexy. I would lock you in my basement. I would also lick your asshole

BiggPhilly 0

Monday 25 October 2010 7:43

next time tell him to aim lower?? lol ydi

cathyran25 0

Monday 25 October 2010 8:43

bahhahahaha lmao

tnglator 4

Monday 25 October 2010 8:45

u dirty *****

vincent_vega_fml 0

Monday 25 October 2010 9:58

under your boss' desk again?!

sallen0046 4

Monday 25 October 2010 9:58

Not only did you chose not to bathe before going to work, but you obviously didn't even bother to brush your hair. You can't complain about what's in your hair when you've practiced absolutely no personal hygiene.

CoachLlama 5

Monday 25 October 2010 11:03

Sounds like you are about to get on the fast track for a promotion.

Illyssa_fml 4

Monday 25 October 2010 11:46

Haha ydi for sucking so much D.. and not showering. Ew

azianzenzation 0

Monday 25 October 2010 13:00

there's something about Mary. lol

salgado 0

Monday 25 October 2010 13:26

are you a sex worker??

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Keywords

Embarrassing Transportation Cars Relatable Work Mental health Awkward Social Media Love AITA Am I overreacting? Family Annoying Intimacy Sex Coworkers Poopoo peepee Dentist Health Animals Dogs Cute Sleep Shopping My ex Cats Clothes Job interview Miscellaneous Weird

The Top

Today, I spotted one of my friends using the ATM outside our school's university center. I crept up behind him, grabbed his shoulders abruptly, and shouted in my best deep man-voice, "Give me all your money!" Turned out to be a poor, unsuspecting freshman. He gave me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 915

You deserved it 74 266

Today, I finally got my paycheck from working at my minimum wage job for the last three months. I was delighted when I saw it was worth $846. On my way to cash it, I destroyed my car's suspension. It's going to cost almost $800 to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 981

You deserved it 6 718

The Top

Today, after a 3-day induced delivery for my twins, and after getting stitches down there, I woke up to boobs that are the size of footballs, and still no milk coming out. The pain of chopping them off at this point would be more bearable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 137

Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 979

You deserved it 4 552

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 171

You deserved it 40 581

Today, I woke up with a hangover, a shaved head, and my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 144

You deserved it 24 366

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 625

You deserved it 48 840

Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 647

You deserved it 3 435