Intimacy: Bad timing - FML

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Bad timing

By Proprepourtant - 16/04/2011 11:28 - France

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. This is the moment he chooses to exclaim, "Wow, you really do have a lot of dandruff!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 958

You deserved it 12 580

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

By eww. - 22/03/2013 05:28 - Australia

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 371

You deserved it 7 204

By snortingspunk - 03/12/2015 12:52 - South Africa

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 477

You deserved it 4 143

Close but no BJ

By nikkrissa_04 - 07/08/2009 11:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around in his car. I then decided I was going to give him a blowjob for the first time. As I was going down, he grabbed my chin and said, "Don't do that, your mouth isn't clean enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 694

You deserved it 12 213

New Romantics

By sallyfradoodle - 13/03/2020 21:00

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend of two years that he was my first kiss. His reply? I was the first person he ever whacked off to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 447

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 19:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 998

You deserved it 14 594

By soisblueballsdickhead - 26/10/2014 14:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 063

You deserved it 9 719

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 059

You deserved it 18 802

No nut will do that

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend wanted a blowjob, shortly after we've started dating. He said to be careful because he blows a massive load. Thinking he's full of crap, I rolled my eyes and got to work. Had him going and then a massive load shot down my throat and a bunch of fire hoses sprayed out my nose. It burned so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 1 525

Our anniversary

By Anonymous - 27/12/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blowjob from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 507

You deserved it 512

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 21:00 - Canada - Calgary

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 036

You deserved it 4 685

Next

Top comments

TraceCase_ 19

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:14

Guess the next time he's looking for a BJ, you're gonna be busy washing your hair. Seriously though...try some Head and Shoulders

a_cassie 4

Saturday 16 April 2011 16:04

that's kind of awkward

Comments

KickItHigh 32

Monday 18 April 2011 7:37

is*

Tporr80 0

Monday 18 April 2011 8:36

Tell him no more head 4 u...I have my own head 2 shine!!! FHL, HaHa!!

NPN_Scorpio 16

Tuesday 19 April 2011 0:37

Way to focus, bf.

ScoundrelDays 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 3:12

I know! What's with the vicious comments!? Clearly the guys' at fault for being a tactless twit. As if all of these posters have bodies/habits beyond critiquing. And some of the male comments! Misogyny: alive and well here.

marissabunge23 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 3:18

take care of it! jesus

Sournick 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 4:12

U should've bit his dick off

logan7058 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 6:04

lol

kei1108 13

Tuesday 19 April 2011 6:10

Maybe you should've known him long enough to know how much if a jerk he was.. a ********? really?

1970chevelless 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 7:37

ummm...no comment

KickItHigh 32

Monday 16 May 2011 2:37

You just commented, therefore a comment.

diehlx3 0

Tuesday 19 April 2011 7:43

wow what a dick

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The Top

Today, my recent ex-girlfriend’s best friend was telling me why my girlfriend cheated on me because my ex wouldn’t give me a straight answer. She said, “He’s just really hot and is good in bed” and that in fact they both are hooking up with this guy. I feel so much better I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 140

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 613

You deserved it 8 463

The Top

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 29

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after we watched Titanic for the first time together. Why? Two reasons. Because I cried, and apparently men aren't allowed to be emotional, and because she asked me if I would save her or a boat of women and children first. Neither answer was correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 143

Today, I got the hiccups at work no fewer than ten times in a row. I'm a cashier and not allowed to leave to go get water. Not only that, but I was called into the office to discuss my “drinking problem.” I don’t drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 48

Today, I had sex with a guy I really had a connection with. It went perfect until I complimented how his moans during sex turn me on a lot, and he responded with, "That's what my mom told me." I laughed so hard we couldn't go on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 043

You deserved it 3 282

Today, I learned the “almost complete” transit that would cut my commute in half is delayed at least another year. When I chose my high school, they said it would be complete by the year’s end. I’m a senior now and it definitely won’t be done before my graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 158

Today, I went to the movies alone after the boy I was seeing told me he was busy studying for exams. I found him making out with another girl whilst in the queue. When I confronted him by text he denied that it was him. I saw him check the text and reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 870

You deserved it 4 795