Money, Family, Religion and Disney: Bribery

Bribery

By disneydummy - 04/04/2023 00:00

Today, my overly religious family told me that if I, an atheist, went to church with them, they’d buy me a season pass to Disneyland. I dutifully sat through the entire two hour sermon. I didn’t get the tickets. They lied to get me into church, but don’t see the irony of lying being a sin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 278

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Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

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Same thing different taste

It's not a cult, I swear

By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 20:19 - United States - San Diego

Today, my parents threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't agree to convert to their new brand of Christianity. This is a day after they ranted at me about how I should speak my mind more and not let myself be controlled by other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 051

You deserved it 3 602

Bible belt

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 14:01

Today, after I recently started going back to church, my husband, who was last inside a church when he was replacing a boiler, told me I’d better knock it off because our kids threatened to stop visiting, and our neighbours think we’re “that couple.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 617

By pop_rox - 30/01/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 299

You deserved it 28 699

Indoctrination

By This is why people are abandoning religion. - 06/03/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I found out that when my best friend and I were kids, our parents would cancel playdates when either of us opted to not go to church. They said it would, "strengthen our faith." We are now both adults and staunch atheists for that reason, and we're spending way more time together to make up for this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 144

By Anonymous - 11/09/2013 13:29 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 108

You deserved it 82 602

Trolling for soup

By he's a dawk, and a cunt - 05/07/2013 22:29 - Australia - Darling Point

Today, my boyfriend and I went to my parents' barbecue. He knew my family is extremely religious, so what did he do? Called for silence to make an announcement, namely: "God isn't real." Cue a riot that ended in us being kicked out and me all but disowned for "putting him up to it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 261

You deserved it 8 118

Witnessed

By heathen atheist - 17/09/2020 10:01

Today, during a family road trip, my mom decided to spring a surprise conversion on us. This included screaming bible verses, blasting crazy gospel music and sobbing that we needed to repent before we’re all condemned to hell for eternity. She did this for 4 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 260

By Anonymous - 03/10/2013 05:24 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, my grandmother convinced me to come to a church meeting with her. My grandmother then made funny faces at me while the pastor was speaking, causing me to laugh out loud. Everyone heard me, including the pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 650

You deserved it 5 602

God is Dead 6: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 181

Darth Bore

By Jace - 19/08/2011 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 500

You deserved it 5 724

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 4 April 2023 0:11

Equally ironic, such actions serve only to reinforce your worldview. Religious dogma in the wrong hands is a potent and dangerous force.

Anderling 32

Tuesday 4 April 2023 0:21

There’s a certain type of Christian that feels anything is justified if it means nonbelievers will dutifully fall in line. I’m sorry you found out this way that your family is also that type, and I hope you will get that season pass someday.

Comments

SirEnigM0nk 22

Tuesday 4 April 2023 0:11

Equally ironic, such actions serve only to reinforce your worldview. Religious dogma in the wrong hands is a potent and dangerous force.

Anderling 32

Tuesday 4 April 2023 0:21

Ubehage 32

Tuesday 4 April 2023 0:35

Religious = Crazy. Some more than others, but all are.

JackWood 20

Tuesday 4 April 2023 1:00

Because they are holier than thou

spinningrecords 14

Tuesday 4 April 2023 2:16

Christians have been tricking people into converting for centuries. We’re you expecting anything else?

Hangryko 29

Tuesday 4 April 2023 5:24

Tell the priest what they did. Hopefully, he'll work it into his sermon, keeping them anonymous. Your family will squirm in their pew as they listen about their misdeeds, while intermittent gasps of disgust from the congregation surround them.

BurnInDemonFire 34

Thursday 6 April 2023 0:42

Tell them you'll get a full back tattoo of Joel Osteen's face if they each give you $100. Then **** off to Disneyland with a collage of famous atheists as your only companion. Don't forget the selfies.