Dogs and Animals: Carpe diem

Carpe diem

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 576

You deserved it 12 012

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Top comments

Epic_Phale615 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 0:03

Don't trick your dog by getting into the doggy style position?

A7X_LoVeee 10

Thursday 24 March 2011 0:03

Don't lie. you enjoyed it.

Comments

RavenRiley007 4

Monday 28 March 2011 5:44

Epic Win...on his part Surprise Butt Sex...FailYL

streetsman 0

Tuesday 29 March 2011 1:24

you prob liked it

Babygirl2338 0

Friday 8 April 2011 1:48

lmaooo i wouldve laughed so hard if i was there

drakelover1924 0

Saturday 4 June 2011 21:09

that's gross

max13532 0

Wednesday 8 June 2011 3:59

I would have enjoyed it.....jk

FurryRocks 10

Saturday 9 July 2011 14:28

is it normal for a female dog to hump a male cause that happened to me a couple times

FurryRocks 10

Saturday 9 July 2011 14:28

is it normal for a female dog to hump a male cause that happened to me a couple times

FurryRocks 10

Saturday 9 July 2011 14:28

is it normal for a female dog to hump a male cause that happened to me a couple times

wildboyzrule 7

Monday 22 August 2011 18:45

that's effin hilarious

manny34 0

Saturday 8 October 2011 8:14

Hey at least he finds you attractive ;)

Keywords

Relatable Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Health Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Love Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Medication Teenagers Animals Dogs Video games

The Top

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 350

You deserved it 8 250

Today, I tried to talk to my teenage son about healthy masculinity. He said, "Yeah Mom, I know. Lift weights and eat red meat and fish. Can I go?" Not what I meant at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 241

You deserved it 361

The Top

Today, on our third date, my date tried to get me drunk and kept trying to touch me up. When I said he was moving too fast, he sighed and soon left. Just minutes later, he posted on Facebook saying "Just got friendzoned -_-". One of his friends commented: "I hate bitches, man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 251

You deserved it 4 494

Today, I told my mom that having watched my sister ruin her life having kids who grew into brats with criminal records before their teens, I refused to ruin my life the same way and will be childless. I then turned to leave and they were in the doorway, my sister and her two brats. I got slapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 387

Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 695

You deserved it 5 543

Today, I was doing the laundry but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 192

You deserved it 60 985

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 222

You deserved it 6 680

Today, my doctor told me I have tennis elbow in both arms. I don't play tennis, I just have way too much free time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 809

You deserved it 43 842