Dogs and Animals: Carpe diem

Carpe diem

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 576

You deserved it 12 012

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

Epic_Phale615 0

Thursday 24 March 2011 0:03

Don't trick your dog by getting into the doggy style position?

A7X_LoVeee 10

Thursday 24 March 2011 0:03

Don't lie. you enjoyed it.

Comments

nygiants86 0

Friday 25 March 2011 3:19

I'd hump the shit out of you too. if you're a girl that is...

Barbarossa_fml 0

Friday 25 March 2011 4:13

That's hot x-P

Tain 0

Friday 25 March 2011 5:17

OP should get used to it, id do the same thing to my gf lol

mr_use 0

Friday 25 March 2011 5:56

Friends with benefits...

BrassKnucklez69 0

Friday 25 March 2011 6:00

i bet yuhh liked itt(;

fyro01 4

Friday 25 March 2011 7:57

she probably has one of those famous tramp stamps that say 'insert here' and the dog saw it and was like 'hey why not'

Gantar180 5

Friday 25 March 2011 16:27

My grandmother's dog humps everything too. In fact, he once even humped a male cat. No joke! FYL

thehillhaseyes8 2

Saturday 26 March 2011 4:17

at least u didn't get ur balls bit by a big retriever

JokeMeister 0

Saturday 26 March 2011 16:32

what would you expect? a big ASS target in ur face. nothing to do but hump it

sexyredhead8 0

Monday 28 March 2011 2:21

you set urself up for that one

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Embarrassing Awkward Health Love Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic

The Top

Today, I went to my room to find my girlfriend on the floor, butt up, with her pants down. I elatedly took the invitation and dropped my pants too, only for her to tell me, "Not so fast champ, I'm trying to force some farts out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 471

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past four months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 111

You deserved it 3 775

The Top

Today, I'm realizing that it never gets better, we just get used to life being terrible. There's no point where it all gets better, just tolerable if we're lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 218

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 311

You deserved it 12 300

Today, I tried to show off my dance moves at a party and ended up falling through a glass table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 905

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 601

You deserved it 3 098

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 444

You deserved it 3 314

Today, the only thing my downstairs neighbor wanted to talk about with me is how she can hear us go to the bathroom. She also claims that she can tell which one of us is going, based on the noise level. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 890

You deserved it 2 371