Intimacy: Choose wisely

Choose wisely

By limegreenpoopie - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Valrico

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 910

You deserved it 1 621

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 283

You deserved it 30 206

By anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 722

You deserved it 6 693

Just a kind of magic

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 15:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me a magic trick. He filled a bowl with wine, pushed it on top of the ceiling using a broom stick, and held it up there. He told me to hold it and left. Taking my hands off the broomstick would cause the bowl to fall on my expensive new suit. Eventually, it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 232

You deserved it 12 495

By HK - 16/05/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 014

You deserved it 3 824

By wtfuraretard - 19/02/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 018

You deserved it 5 209

It's a witch!

By umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 821

You deserved it 348

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 07:45

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 896

You deserved it 1 238

By Today - 07/09/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 301

You deserved it 6 597

By Sarah - 17/12/2012 12:25 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 644

You deserved it 4 730

By lillymean - 03/02/2012 01:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 6 114

Tripartita 44

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:07

You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick…

WCARlover 34

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:12

He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two

Comments

extrasnipes 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:02

Sounds like a very magical moment

Tripartita 44

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:07

You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick…

WCARlover 34

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:12

He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two

9473820484 17

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:18

He want to make ******** a magical experience.

ragnarok1540 39

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:30

The cards are obviously just a distraction ... the real trick was turning your poop lime green!

claudiajean 24

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:34

Bit of a crap hobby to pursue. I hate myself too dw

creditless 14

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:42

deuces wild? I'm sorry, that was awful... I'll let myself out

wanted_2_want 40

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:14

If only there was an ACEhole card!!!

thatweirdasian 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 5:38

You're trying a bit too hard there, buddy.

captain_hero89 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:16

did he get your card right?

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:25

What a joker....

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Neighbours Wanker Lonely Halloween Party Jealousy Love Argument Fight Family Animals Cats Parents Sports Embarrassing Health Shopping Medication Anger issues Birds Weddings Pranks YouTube TikTok Cute Dogs Work AITA

The Top

Today, I made roast beef with mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner. My 8-year-old daughter was crying and gagging the whole time, and eventually said between sobs, "Can't you just beat me and send me to bed hungry instead?" I have no clue where she got that idea from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 246

You deserved it 459

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 210

You deserved it 4 811

The Top

Today, as I was sitting on my terrace, I was wearing neither bright colors, nor any perfume, yet two bees seemed convinced that I must've been some type of flower and persistently tried to figure out where I was hiding my nectar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 104

Today, I saw my ex asking for change outside a store. I was so shocked and sad to see him in such a position, I offered to take him home with me, let him shower and cook him a good meal. He laughed in my face and said, "Nah, I just do this for some quick bucks. It’s easier than working." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 156

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 553

You deserved it 13 832

Today, my parents came to visit me at the ranch I work at. They're scared to death of horses, but I was explaining how they are almost completely harmless. I was showing them how to work around the horse without getting kicked. As they relaxed, the horse kicked me. I now have a broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 866

You deserved it 9 247

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to my ex. This afternoon I notice that they had accepted, and had left a message for me in my inbox. Asking how they knew me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 634

You deserved it 4 172

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to have over 200 people show up at my house to celebrate my wedding anniversary with my husband. Apparently, this was his "I'm sorry" present for missing my wedding last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 083

You deserved it 699

Choose wisely

Same thing different taste

Just a kind of magic

It's a witch!

Top comments

Comments