Intimacy: Choose wisely

Choose wisely

By limegreenpoopie - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Valrico

Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 912

You deserved it 1 621

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 14:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 289

You deserved it 30 213

By anony - 27/02/2013 13:49 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 722

You deserved it 6 694

Just a kind of magic

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 15:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me a magic trick. He filled a bowl with wine, pushed it on top of the ceiling using a broom stick, and held it up there. He told me to hold it and left. Taking my hands off the broomstick would cause the bowl to fall on my expensive new suit. Eventually, it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 233

You deserved it 12 496

By HK - 16/05/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Haywards Heath

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 022

You deserved it 3 828

By wtfuraretard - 19/02/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 020

You deserved it 5 209

It's a witch!

By umm... - 30/03/2020 23:00 - Australia - Canberra

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 348

By Anonymous - 07/06/2016 07:45

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 898

You deserved it 1 238

By Today - 07/09/2010 02:26 - United States

Today, I had to play Paper, Rock or Scissors and beat my boyfriend in order to get him to take a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 303

You deserved it 6 597

By Sarah - 17/12/2012 12:25 - United States - Statesboro

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 646

You deserved it 4 730

By lillymean - 03/02/2012 01:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 480

You deserved it 6 114

Tripartita 44

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:07

You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick…

WCARlover 34

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:12

He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two

Comments

extrasnipes 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:02

Sounds like a very magical moment

Tripartita 44

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:07

You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick…

WCARlover 34

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:12

He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two

9473820484 17

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:18

He want to make ******** a magical experience.

ragnarok1540 39

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:30

The cards are obviously just a distraction ... the real trick was turning your poop lime green!

claudiajean 24

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:34

Bit of a crap hobby to pursue. I hate myself too dw

creditless 14

Saturday 24 September 2016 2:42

deuces wild? I'm sorry, that was awful... I'll let myself out

wanted_2_want 40

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:14

If only there was an ACEhole card!!!

thatweirdasian 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 5:38

You're trying a bit too hard there, buddy.

captain_hero89 22

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:16

did he get your card right?

worldclassrager 39

Saturday 24 September 2016 3:25

What a joker....

Keywords

Christmas Family Awkward Social Media Relatable Technology Money Holidays Narcissistic parents Love Drunk Religion Gifts Miscellaneous Shopping AITA Delivery Furniture Cheating Sex Facebook Animals Dogs Bosses Work Cold weather Embarrassing Cute Am I overreacting? Cats

The Top

Today, I had to finally accept that no amount of communication, directions, or diagrams will make my otherwise great boyfriend good at sex. When he's on top, he thrusts like the tin man with no oil. When I'm on top, he lays there like a sedated mattress. He refuses to try anything new. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 047

You deserved it 442

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 461

You deserved it 2 166

The Top

Today, I accidentally shared the pictures about my date with my side chick on my main stories instead of my “Close friends” list, where I'd excluded my girlfriend. I realized this when all my stuff was sitting outside our apartment when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 2 014

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 699

You deserved it 3 576

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 870

You deserved it 6 893

Today, I went to check why my eyelash lady never replied to my message from two days ago, asking about an appointment, only to see that I apparently accidentally sent her 15 picture messages of nudes I took for my fiancé. No wonder she didn’t reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 1 490

Today, I found out that being a good boyfriend who financially supports his girlfriend through university, has a good relationship with her family and even put myself at risk to care for her through a COVID infection, doesn’t matter because she prefers the guy she cheated with who has a bigger knob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 959

You deserved it 183

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 144

You deserved it 4 992

Choose wisely

Same thing different taste

Just a kind of magic

It's a witch!

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