Intimacy: Classy dude

Classy dude

By tw@ - 28/09/2014 15:30 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 863

You deserved it 4 879

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 421

You deserved it 1 128

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 122

You deserved it 2 676

By Helen - 10/11/2012 10:15 - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 074

You deserved it 3 088

Love is love

By Anonymous - 27/03/2022 01:59

Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 938

You deserved it 775

By thelunarwolf - 02/03/2011 03:41

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 866

You deserved it 8 879

By Anonymousse - 13/11/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 781

You deserved it 1 560

By nah - 04/02/2009 14:35 - United States

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 984

You deserved it 7 579

By LadyDean - 29/11/2011 08:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 154

You deserved it 6 939

Party animal

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 02:04

Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 193

Sting operation

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 08:00

Today, my husband cheated on me 8 hours into our marriage with one of the barmaids serving drinks at the party. He claimed he was drunk and thought she was me. Kind of hard to claim that when I clearly heard him moaning her name right before I caught them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 89

flufee2 27

Sunday 28 September 2014 20:27

Lets hope he's a totally different guy when he's sober...

Frank_3xxx 6

Sunday 28 September 2014 20:26

How can you live with a **** like that?

Comments

LuckBeNimble 19

Tuesday 30 September 2014 3:55

18: you do know this is a HUMOR site, right? I don't think an overwhelming percentage of society finds domestic abuse humorous. relax.

jajajanie 13

Tuesday 30 September 2014 5:21

Heyy... at least he is concerned about your needs as well!

asylumlane 23

Tuesday 30 September 2014 15:01

Should have recorded it all and played it back for him in the morning.

niome_fml 9

Wednesday 1 October 2014 2:42

good thought

missnuthin 10

Wednesday 1 October 2014 2:52

an old saying: In wine there is truth. meaning people act/talk how they really feel when drunk. i have a personal practice of not being friends with people i can't stand when they're drunk.

saffy66 34

Sunday 12 October 2014 6:15

I'd have filmed it - or smacked him over the head in the midst of it and screamed, "who's that you're hooking up with you cheating bastard"!!

DollFacedTee 6

Sunday 12 October 2014 20:16

If you can't handle the liqs, don't drink!

camthecannibal 6

Monday 3 November 2014 7:12

BWAHAHAHAHHA!! The best part is that you didn't bother to say anything the whole time, just let him go on. I'm sorry, that's unfortunate but hilarious.