Intimacy: Classy dude

Classy dude

By tw@ - 28/09/2014 15:30 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 849

You deserved it 4 874

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Same thing different taste

By Canali18 - 17/09/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 412

You deserved it 1 116

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 111

You deserved it 2 672

By Helen - 10/11/2012 10:15 - United States - Pine Bluff

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 064

You deserved it 3 084

Love is love

By Anonymous - 27/03/2022 01:59

Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 918

You deserved it 766

By thelunarwolf - 02/03/2011 03:41

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 859

You deserved it 8 873

By Anonymousse - 13/11/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 774

You deserved it 1 553

By nah - 04/02/2009 14:35 - United States

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolled off of me without finishing, and said, "I'm bored." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 965

You deserved it 7 570

By LadyDean - 29/11/2011 08:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came home, chugged a beer, and passed out in our bed without saying hello or goodnight to me. I've been on vacation for a week and was hoping to cuddle. But no, if I try to touch him, he hits me and growls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 146

You deserved it 6 936

Party animal

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 02:04

Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 167

Sting operation

By Anonymous - 11/08/2023 08:00

Today, my husband cheated on me 8 hours into our marriage with one of the barmaids serving drinks at the party. He claimed he was drunk and thought she was me. Kind of hard to claim that when I clearly heard him moaning her name right before I caught them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 84

flufee2 27

Sunday 28 September 2014 20:27

Lets hope he's a totally different guy when he's sober...

Frank_3xxx 6

Sunday 28 September 2014 20:26

How can you live with a **** like that?

Comments

davincidasecond 24

Monday 29 September 2014 0:50

I seriously would have started laughing uncontrollably.

FunGhoost 10

Monday 29 September 2014 1:02

Only 2 kind of people tells the truth: toddlers and drunk people

Chibi_Kitten 24

Monday 29 September 2014 1:36

Better the pillow than you. I don't think he could properly do it with you if he's that drunk. That pillow just saved you from a lot of pain.

sassy2085 16

Monday 29 September 2014 1:54

That is hilarious

sunyaph 23

Monday 29 September 2014 1:58

ROFL

ladybugz23 13

Monday 29 September 2014 2:55

lmao its funny

ladybugz23 13

Monday 29 September 2014 2:59

by come home drunk with out wife. what do you think have him go out get drunk and have fun while his wife at home. it doesn't look right.

clrichmond2009 24

Monday 29 September 2014 3:52

44, everyone instantly turns to breakups or divorce on here. 58. what?

uhhhohhhhh 3

Monday 29 September 2014 4:05

Curious on how he is when he is sober.

lifted95ram 13

Monday 29 September 2014 4:11

I'm kinda hoping you recorded this once in a lifetime moment.

Keywords

Dogs Animals Cute Roommate Food Work Parents Miscellaneous Health Painful Kids Ironic Management Embarrassing Transportation Awkward First Dates Love Poopoo peepee Family Sexting Cheating Intimacy Relatable Confused Students Break-ups Lonely Relationship advice My ex

The Top

Today, I took a huge shit halfway through my gym workout, one of them half-wet, messy, stuck in your butt hairs. Three rolls and an anus with the feeling of carpet burn later, I proceeded to the bench feeling strong. At the twelfth rep, I sharted, right in my brand new gray pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 272

Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. It all was going fine until my mom asked aloud, "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied, "No." I'd actually been painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 457

You deserved it 4 301

The Top

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 913

You deserved it 3 490

Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 895

You deserved it 5 186

Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 771

You deserved it 214

Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 874

You deserved it 2 520

Today, after moving in with a couple of vegan zoologists a few weeks ago, I discover that they don't believe that we have the right to kill cockroaches, and will not allow me to do so. The house is infested, and it's spread to my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 260

You deserved it 4 013

Today, I embarrassed myself not once, not twice, but three times in front of a coworker. I dropped something, they came to help; I got distracted and fell forward onto my knees, to only then nearly knock over an entire skid of boxes on to the both of us. I kinda want to quit my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 164