Conspiracy theorist and Love: Cocobananas

Cocobananas

By why... - 05/06/2012 17:21 - United States - East Orange

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 040

You deserved it 3 541

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 19:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 566

You deserved it 2 628

Survivor

By whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 903

You deserved it 2 679

By zombieguyswife - 28/06/2012 23:44 - United States - Branson

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 085

You deserved it 3 983

Midlife crisis in style

By Anonymous - 15/03/2022 14:00

Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 109

Survivalist

By John Johnson - 10/04/2022 02:00

Today, a friend moved into my new house. He was a great roommate years ago, but COVID seems to have driven him mad. He brought a huge stockpile of non-perishable food, and keeps talking about "fortifying" the house. He's trying to build a composting outhouse right now. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 229

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 02:05 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 932

You deserved it 3 248

Dealing with it

By Anonymous - 26/03/2020 02:05

Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 147

You deserved it 486

Lunch Special

By Luisa - 09/01/2020 01:00

Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 063

You deserved it 241

By ldrik1 - 11/06/2014 20:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 224

You deserved it 4 810

Extreme cooking

By oldmold - 23/07/2020 17:01

Today, my husband and I got into a huge argument. He called me wasteful for throwing out old food. He insisted that you can simply pick the mold off and the food was perfectly fine. He’s going to kill our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 243

ohcoolstorybro 14

Tuesday 5 June 2012 22:30

Miami zombie is real

PlaidPanda 9

Tuesday 5 June 2012 22:45

Because the cops shot the guy FIVE times before he went down, I'm guessing one of them was in the head.. Have you heard about the mother eating her baby, the dude eating his roommate, and there have been a few other ones out there too. I don't believe this is a "zombie pandemic" but some freaky shit is going on.

Comments

nvidioso 0

Wednesday 6 June 2012 8:48

looks like you have a nut job in your hands.good luck

rjp1811 0

Wednesday 6 June 2012 9:39

Hey!!! things like that are really NOT a joke!! u shouldn't say "FML" until u first rule out a psychotic break or smthn. on a more serious note, has ur husband ever been in the service? Is he a combat veteran? I have seen LITERALLY atleast 6 guys in my old unit just about lose it over their PTSD and thinking a game like CoD4 is reality. or maybe HE KNWS SMTHN WE DONT!! Lol

PainIsAVirtue 4

Wednesday 6 June 2012 10:20

You've got a keeper!

kemando 22

Wednesday 6 June 2012 11:57

Smart man.

taylorbaby1992 5

Wednesday 6 June 2012 11:59

not even lying i read all these comments and just laughed hysterically ya'll believe what u want but when theres more and more cases of this zombie shit im goin full on Will Smith on those *******. :)

Levvy 22

Wednesday 6 June 2012 21:04

You're going to sing family-friendly, inoffensive hip-hop at them?

likeAwesome 3

Wednesday 6 June 2012 14:02

Hell think Ur the crazy one when some guy on bath salt eats your face off...

TachiownsMangu 5

Wednesday 6 June 2012 14:02

Grab your shot guns, hunting knifes, hand grenades and rally up! The apocalypse is on the rise!

munchy22 5

Wednesday 6 June 2012 14:04

Some of the more bizarre stories I've read about lately have been out of Florida. But did anyone her about this chef in Asia? He is asexual so he cooked his own genitals and fed them to willing customers.

zakkcarter 7

Wednesday 6 June 2012 14:35

There have been 900 cases of this since the early 2000's. This is nothing new. Its just now getting publicity

invisibleman8472 17

Wednesday 6 June 2012 14:48

Is resident evil zombies not cannibles?

Levvy 22

Wednesday 6 June 2012 21:12

And giant spiders, and killer plants, and a giant alligator, and basically just whatever the game developers felt like throwing in there. I think at this point zombies are the minority of its monster cast.