Awkward, My ex, Cancer and Health: Cold open

Cold open

By AbsentMindedBoy - 03/03/2009 04:09 - Canada

Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked, "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said, "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said, "That's great to hear!" Turns out she has lung cancer instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 635

You deserved it 15 770

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Same thing different taste

Bullseye

By cannabis_this420 - 17/03/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, my mother called me and told me that she went to the hospital. This wasn't a surprise 'cos she normally goes to the hospital for the smallest things. I was a smartass and asked, "What now? You finally have lung cancer from all those cigarettes?" Apparently, she does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 022

You deserved it 101 141

By kisyfrot - 18/12/2008 03:38 - France

Today, I got fed up with my neighbor who has been coughing, night and day, for six months. I rang at her door to tell her about several remedies I know of to help, so I could sleep. I thus found out she has lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 302

You deserved it 27 224

By Anto - 03/12/2008 06:11 - France

Today, in front of a hospital, I noticed that an old lady was having trouble lighting her cigarette because she had Parkison's. So I went to help her to light it up and she then started chatting with me and told me she had lung cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 926

You deserved it 6 905

So… good news, or…?

By daddy-o - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend called and said she had great news. Turns out I've cured her of that illness she gets every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 077

You deserved it 21 175

One upper

By help - 13/06/2023 03:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my friend (she's 14) said she had lung cancer. This made me and my other friend very worried for her, but now we know she was faking it since when she was "at the hospital" she was at a friend's house, and her mom came to the school to confirm she was faking the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 106

By imobesejk - 17/07/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 205

You deserved it 2 822

By anonymous - 21/06/2011 23:51 - Canada

Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 845

You deserved it 3 622

By yawho - 25/02/2009 07:25 - Japan

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 382

You deserved it 9 862

By nohair - 24/04/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I shaved my head because I heard that one of my good friends got cancer. I went to visit her in the hospital. She's not bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 578

You deserved it 60 449

By FueledByFate - 04/02/2016 04:59 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 716

You deserved it 1 780

Touch_fml 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 13:30

Is that why your an ex? !! :D

PTERONOPHOBIA 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 15:26

Aww. I'm sure she understood. **** HER life though :(

Comments

Thehappygoose 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 12:51

Fyourl? Fherl!

jomo111 5

Thursday 3 November 2011 23:56

Bravo just bravo

Touch_fml 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 13:30

Is that why your an ex? !! :D

Tri_fml 5

Tuesday 3 March 2009 14:10

ouch :(

PTERONOPHOBIA 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 15:26

Aww. I'm sure she understood. **** HER life though :(

ellykhoshkele 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 15:48

y were u in ur ex's house in the first place?!?!?

kayladance101 13

Monday 23 August 2010 21:14

they could be friends now! you never know!

Vonnick 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:07

Your life sucks. Sorry, man. :(

ZING_MASTER 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:33

She coughed so hard, she hacked up a big ol' ZING!!!

sahreeg 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 16:44

#2 ON THE SPOT!!! ur too insensitive to be a bf xD

jackaaa 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 18:22

There's no way you could have known.

marris 0

Tuesday 3 March 2009 20:35

if no one ever told you, you couldn't have known. Maybe she was glad to have hid her cancer treatments so well

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The Top

Today, I ran into my ex at the mall. He’s married, with a 2 year-old. Three years ago he ended our 6-year relationship because he said he didn’t believe in marriage and kids. Sorry for not being good enough to achieve those things with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 223

Today, I had a mental breakdown. Many things have been going completely wrong in my life, and I finally decided to let my boyfriend know about it. After about an hour of explaining and pouring my heart out, his response was, "I think we were better off as friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 336

You deserved it 5 516

The Top

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 780

You deserved it 6 991

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 547

You deserved it 64 574

Today, I needed to grab something from the garage. As soon as the door closed, I heard a little click sound. My one-year-old seems to have figured out the door lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 863

You deserved it 255

Today, my daughter turned 18. She decided to use this day to tell me everywhere her and her boyfriends have had sex in my house to get revenge for being overprotective. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 562

You deserved it 63 140

Today, after I moved into my college dorm three days ago, my roommate is still convinced that she is a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 253

You deserved it 3 667

Today, I found out I wasn't invited to the annual family reunion. The reason? Everyone thinks I'm "creepy" because I'm the only adult who will go out and play with the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 668

You deserved it 2 535