Intimacy, Awkward and Wanker: *Cough cough*

Cough cough

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 93

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 05:29 - United States - Irving

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 173

You deserved it 1 277

Knock first

By jesus christ, dad - 06/09/2013 16:48 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, for the third time since breakfast, I accidentally walked in on my father wanking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 913

You deserved it 7 071

By obtuse_ballsack - 04/06/2012 20:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 717

You deserved it 2 759

By sally - 25/01/2014 17:42 - United States - Augusta

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 767

You deserved it 9 479

By Hard in flip flops - 21/01/2018 06:00

Today, my dad walked in on me jerking off. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I wasn’t Skyping my boyfriend, while both of us were totally naked. I had just told him to “put those toes in your mouth and I’ll cum like you’ve never seen before”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 907

You deserved it 4 747

Quick thinking

By me. - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh, I had an itch…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 046

You deserved it 35 394

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 063

You deserved it 16 429

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 767

You deserved it 5 870

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 206

You deserved it 37 101

By Lockedinroom - 05/02/2013 16:18 - United States

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 408

You deserved it 13 921

TwoBytesCarley 27

Sunday 14 July 2024 16:27

What the actual ****. Tell him to go charm his snake in the bedroom or washroom like a normal human being who has kids at home!

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Monday 15 July 2024 0:36

Make like you’re giving someone a tour of your place on FaceTime.

Comments

TwoBytesCarley 27

Sunday 14 July 2024 16:27

What the actual ****. Tell him to go charm his snake in the bedroom or washroom like a normal human being who has kids at home!

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Monday 15 July 2024 0:36

Make like you’re giving someone a tour of your place on FaceTime.

Battousai124 7

Monday 15 July 2024 16:46

Might be a bad idea since he apparently likes the thrill of being caught or someone watching.

Underscore_foo 4

Monday 15 July 2024 1:08

That does not sound like a safe family household. You have your father masturbating in the family room…

Lost Reggie 20

Tuesday 16 July 2024 4:40

Just walk on by like nothing is happening.

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Neighbours Wanker Lonely Halloween Party Love Jealousy Argument Family Fight Animals Cats Parents Sports Health Embarrassing Shopping Medication Anger issues Birds Weddings Pranks TikTok YouTube Dogs Cute AITA Work

The Top

Today, I found out that my father is telling people that we sometimes sleep with each other, meaning it literally. He knows the figurative meaning of that phrase, but insists that “not everyone has a dirty mind.” Thankfully, since I’m an adult he won’t get into legal trouble, but still, ewww. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 185

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have at least combed it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 904

You deserved it 5 999

The Top

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 829

You deserved it 3 241

Today, I was running a marathon. I stopped to massage my stiff legs, when an elderly spectator taunted, "Oohhh yeah, that's it! Massage those legs good, boy!" She looked about 70. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 242

You deserved it 4 871

Today, my friends and I decided to prank the pizza guy. Once he rang the doorbell, I jumped out of the bushes wearing a scary mask and holding a fake dagger. He almost instantly whipped out a Taser and got me right in the collarbone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 2 674

Today, I realized I have to finish a huge project for my ex-boss, or risk getting sued. I quit because he told me he’s refusing to pay me, and he doesn’t support me going back to school to get my dream degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 145

Today, after going through a major weight loss and change of lifestyle to better my confidence and health, I now have saggy thighs, arms and boobs, a deflated ass, two inches of hanging stomach, and have realized just how unsymmetrical my face is. Oh, and my physical health has never been worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 224

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said, "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 714

You deserved it 16 745

*Cough cough*

Same thing different taste

Knock first

Quick thinking

Top comments

Comments

Cough cough