Intimacy: Nearly there

Nearly there

By sally - 25/01/2014 17:42 - United States - Augusta

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 784

You deserved it 9 480

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Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By kill me - 30/09/2018 03:00

Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 928

You deserved it 2 431

O face

By Anonymous - 25/04/2015 17:32 - United States

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 588

You deserved it 6 631

By Anonymous - 22/07/2017 05:29 - United States - Irving

Today, my dad unlocked the bathroom door and barged in without warning only to catch me, with no clothes on, masturbating. He said, "sorry" but stayed for another 20 seconds to look for his shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 178

You deserved it 1 278

By obtuse_ballsack - 04/06/2012 20:37 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 717

You deserved it 2 759

Realistic

By IBleedArbor - 16/02/2009 22:59 - United States

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 302

You deserved it 5 028

Handy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 908

You deserved it 11 994

Standing to attention

By Anonymous - 27/04/2022 02:00

Today, I told my girlfriend that for whatever reason I find it really difficult to orgasm stood up in the shower, she immediately demanded sex in the shower on the basis that without my orgasm maybe I’ll finally last long enough for her to orgasm first, or even at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 2 131

Cough cough

By Anonymous - 14/07/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, right now, for some reason my dad is sat in the living room masturbating. In our house you have to go through the living room to reach the front door, as there's no access to the front of the house if I go out the back to the garden. It’s been a while. If he doesn’t hurry up I’ll be late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 96

By fuck fof and die dad - 20/11/2014 19:48 - Germany - Kiel

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 567

You deserved it 9 452

Not now, mother!

By Anonymous - 19/06/2022 04:00 - United States - Sayville

Today, after nearly two months of no sex, I got cockblocked by an unexpected visit by my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 201

Azalorgm 7

Sunday 26 January 2014 1:41

I feel like this needs a follow up

klovemachine 24

Sunday 26 January 2014 1:41

If at first you don't succeed, try try again :)

Comments

Azalorgm 7

Sunday 26 January 2014 1:41

I feel like this needs a follow up

mattjamt 16

Sunday 26 January 2014 2:29

I think we can expect a follow up in another 3 months...

incoherentrmblr 21

Sunday 26 January 2014 2:34

Don't Look Back in Anger...

mollyjynxjax 28

Sunday 26 January 2014 2:44

Yeah, look to the future with disdain instead

Tymaster5 22

Sunday 26 January 2014 4:54

I want to give a like but the likes are 69 so I agree this needs a follow up.

incoherentrmblr 21

Monday 27 January 2014 10:38

#23, it was a reference to the Oasis song, since the title of the FML is Sally, which is the name of the person they use in that song.

klovemachine 24

Sunday 26 January 2014 1:41

If at first you don't succeed, try try again :)

zandalee 19

Sunday 26 January 2014 10:32

Totally. I can't even imagine OP's pain. Three months!!

gabbi630 16

Sunday 26 January 2014 1:42

Just go at it again.

lilmslady 11

Sunday 26 January 2014 1:43

2nd times a charm...... or just wait till everyones gone next time

lilmslady 11

Sunday 26 January 2014 1:45

C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!

picante72 24

Sunday 26 January 2014 1:47

She needs a Hitachi Magic Wand ;)

redbluegreen 40

Sunday 26 January 2014 2:41

If only they were complimentary.

xoamy906 25

Sunday 26 January 2014 1:48

If it makes you feel better, I've never had one. Perhaps shower when nobody is home and try again?

valalvax 13

Sunday 26 January 2014 1:55

Inb4 a slew of I can help you with that comments

JAKASS200 5

Sunday 26 January 2014 2:01

*cough*thirsty*cough*

Jabberwockyy 13

Sunday 26 January 2014 2:33

Depending on your age #8 that may not be a bad thing.

xoamy906 25

Sunday 26 January 2014 3:30

I'm 18, haha. Depends on your body I guess

expectcriticism 13

Sunday 26 January 2014 4:12

and on what's going in it..

drshn 22

Sunday 26 January 2014 7:07

There are different ways I could suggest but It's OK, I guess, as you are young and you have a long way to go. On a positive note you will know that a guy special and youare in a good relationship when you have one.

Phoebe_Buffay 14

Sunday 26 January 2014 8:40

nope nopeeee. I dont approve of your face... it's too pretty. this is why girls can't find male companions.

wchilds17 4

Monday 27 January 2014 15:42

Never had an ****** because of bad sex ?Or still a virgin lol

limabeans101029 20

Monday 27 January 2014 22:51

79- a lot of women just find it difficult to have orgasms. Sex isn't the only way to achieve an ******, and a lot of women can't actually get an ****** just by having sex. So if someone has never had an ******, that doesn't automatically mean that they're either a virgin or that they have "bad sex".

jgwyh 18

Sunday 26 January 2014 1:54

Why not just reply with I'm coming?. No one would of known

breezyblue33 19

Sunday 26 January 2014 5:21

That may have worked in American Pie, but IRL if you were seconds away from cumming and your parents interrupted you, that's an instant mood killer right there. Unless you're into that sort of thing.