Sex and Love: Do me - FML

Do me

By noneofthesex - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying, "Come over and do me." He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 535

You deserved it 12 157

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Same thing different taste

Steamy

By DreeStahr - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Liberty

Spicy

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 089

You deserved it 1 455

Remote sex

By Anonymous - 05/02/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 10/05/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 513

You deserved it 4 226

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 14:00

Today, after I decided to see what would happen if I didn’t text my boyfriend first in the morning, I haven’t heard from him in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 348

By sleepingbeauty - 24/04/2016 08:45 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got in a fight with my boyfriend. I sent him a long message pouring my heart out about how hurt I am that he constantly ignores me or responds to almost everything I say in monosyllables. He texted back "ok". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 247

You deserved it 3 773

By princess - 17/03/2009 05:06 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 151 964

You deserved it 40 648

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 17:59 - United States - Imperial

Spicy

Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 088

You deserved it 7 767

By fml - 02/02/2011 09:48

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend was inside me, he got a text message. He actually stopped thrusting to reply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 076

You deserved it 6 126

By McKenna - 16/07/2011 04:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 375

You deserved it 17 912

By Anonymous - 04/06/2015 12:26 - United States - San Bruno

Spicy

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 538

You deserved it 4 447

Next

Top comments

troynt 2

Tuesday 10 February 2009 23:43

double standard ... if the roles were reversed no one would care.

deeznutzismine 0

Tuesday 10 February 2009 23:10

Text me instead!

Comments

e_rico112 0

Wednesday 5 August 2009 20:26

theres a veeeeeery slim chance he has a life. serisously. theyre free!

libbyson 5

Thursday 20 August 2009 5:44

haha thats what I was going to say, people these days get so worked up when someone doesn't answer there text messages right away Don't people realize some of us have lives

XxCoolPersonxX 0

Wednesday 9 September 2009 4:26

you wanted him to do you but now you have a boo-boo crappy and doesn't make sense but hey it ryhmes!

WhyworldWhy 0

Thursday 8 October 2009 5:52

Maybe his phone was off, maybe it was on silent, maybe he was busy not the end of the world

blahthing 0

Wednesday 30 December 2009 15:04

Sounds like my boyfriend...no wait...mine would say "lol". Can't decide if it's any better or worse than not getting a reply at all.

MysteryJoker 5

Saturday 2 January 2010 8:11

I would say he wasn't in the mood if he responded but...yeah, phone is either off or he's like me where you don't check your messages for hours

Skimbap 0

Monday 14 June 2010 23:07

Maybe you're fat and ugly?

Hippie6 0

Friday 3 December 2010 20:00

DUde if you really need it that bad i'll do you :p. lol. ure life sucks

ChocolateMoses 0

Monday 2 May 2011 21:41

you cant jus assume stuff, his phone could have died or something along those lines

Mattxy8 5

Wednesday 25 May 2011 3:51

Why do people try to make excuses? His phone is probably fine, maybe your just not "fuckable"

Deitz123 2

Saturday 4 June 2011 0:41

Maybe bcoz ur a hoe.

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Keywords

Love My ex Awkward Jealousy Friends AITA Health Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Medication Ironic Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Money Relatable Work DIY Parenting Kids Accident Parents ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Am I overreacting? Relationship advice

The Top

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 568

You deserved it 19 251

Today, my parents and I were looking for something using the TV's search bar. Despite never, ever watching anything resembling porn, one of the default search options was, "Hot female Asian sex videos." Thank God they have an excellent sense of humor, as they laughed their heads off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 85

The Top

Today, for what seems like the thousandth time, one of my new friends has cut me out of their life after I told them my last name. It’s hyphenated and I’m a woman, which means I'm “automatically” a stuck-up bitch. I'm not married, I was born with this last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 154

Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 202

You deserved it 2 879

Today, my boss called me while I was working from home to bitch me out over being away from my computer for 49 minutes, when my lunch break is only 45 minutes, thus wasting another 13 minutes. My boss is known for spending hours online gaming from home during work hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 130

Today, I spilled my guts out to my fiancé about some insecurities I've been having. I then turned to look at him through tears at his expressionless face as he texted someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 195

You deserved it 331

Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 613

You deserved it 58 899

Today, after setting up surveillance in my front yard to see whose dog keeps crapping on my lawn, I finally caught the culprit on film. It was my heroin addict neighbour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 265

You deserved it 3 590