Intimacy: Effective

Effective

By WinnerWinnerNotEatingDinner - 16/11/2015 06:44 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was the first guy ever to give my girlfriend an orgasm. I was also the first guy to make her poop at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 224

You deserved it 3 491

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Same thing different taste

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 10:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm during which I simultaneously shit myself and vomited. So thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 321

You deserved it 644

By nicknack22 - 01/02/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I made my new girlfriend orgasm for the first time. All she said after was "I drooled a little". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 735

You deserved it 5 944

By Jon - 23/05/2011 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 410

You deserved it 9 429

Multitasking

By Anonymous - 14/11/2012 21:28 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 249

You deserved it 6 807

Mission successful

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 22:00

Today, my girlfriend and I did a 69 for the first time and I was on the bottom. When she orgasmed, not only did she fart, a bit of poo came out with the fart, and actually went up my nose. I’ve gone through a whole box of tissues blowing my nose, but I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 299

By Mr Eek - 25/10/2008 16:57

Today, for the very first time I got it on with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, afterwards I had a terrible tummy ache and let out a very noisy fart. I'm not sure she'll still be my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 577

You deserved it 12 446

Girls will be girls

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 08:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She had her whole hand in me kind of deep. It was hitting everything inside me and triggered me to poop a little bit, on her arm and the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 957

You deserved it 742

By mrricecakes - 23/03/2012 05:55 - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. Let's just say pubes and toilet paper residue were the least of my problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 410

You deserved it 5 234

By Charles - 22/02/2009 15:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 547

You deserved it 5 706

By Anonymous - 27/03/2013 18:26 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 953

You deserved it 6 207

cdgrayson 21

Monday 16 November 2015 17:31

Damn you must be the shit!

BellaP13 24

Monday 16 November 2015 17:35

It happens. Basically everything tights and then loosens. Don't worry about it she's probably as embarrassed as you

Comments

protoskore 27

Wednesday 18 November 2015 8:04

next time, suggest a b*tt plug. If she doesn't want it, try it yourself - it intensifies the ****** in both genders.

abbey1822 12

Wednesday 18 November 2015 11:48

Should've turned it into a cleveland steamer...

paperbag77 9

Wednesday 18 November 2015 14:30

shit aside you are going to have to keep delivering on the other side of it now !

MossyMegaMan 20

Wednesday 18 November 2015 21:02

Cheers!

BurnInDemonFire 34

Thursday 19 November 2015 19:56

Shit the bed, what the ****?

pranil 14

Thursday 19 November 2015 21:28

yuuuuckk

mmoses12 11

Friday 20 November 2015 6:17

i guess you could say shit happens lol XD

kayev 3

Friday 20 November 2015 18:49

You really jarred something loose there, Tiger. lol

mandyn333 10

Friday 20 November 2015 21:01

I feel really bad for your girlfriend op.

ACCOUNTKILLER 18

Saturday 21 November 2015 5:56

When chicks cum, the muscles don't force down, they're supposed to force together and kind of up. So either she was faking it or forcing it.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Am I overreacting? Annoying Health Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Relatable Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

The Top

Today, the woman I love, who rejected me countless times, got a boyfriend. Bitter about it, I post on my Instagram Story: “I could have been your love bug, but apparently you’re into roaches.” She posted a story of them kissing, saying, “I love my roach so much!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 1 245

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

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The Top

Today, I accidentally overslept and missed a morning breakfast at work, one I never get to have when it happens. Not only did my boss say nothing about me being absent, he even asked me if the food was good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 392

Today, in front of my 6 brothers, my mother told me I had the smallest penis at birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 257

You deserved it 321

Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 911

You deserved it 7 845

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 756

You deserved it 6 027

Nopenopenopenopenope.

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 70

Today, my boss made up a rumor that I was quitting my job so I wouldn't get the promotion that was coming up. There goes that raise I've been wanting for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 965

You deserved it 1 552