Intimacy: Emergency

Emergency

By -____- - 05/10/2013 21:28 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 361

You deserved it 7 441

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Same thing different taste

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 862

You deserved it 6 011

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 11 071

By KittyKat - 03/11/2013 14:22 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 946

You deserved it 7 099

Not now, Sweetie

By Redbeard - 24/01/2020 05:00

Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 368

Hey there!

By LadyLola - 25/11/2013 05:22 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 855

You deserved it 6 647

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 114

You deserved it 6 511

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 780

You deserved it 5 152

By WOCOACH - 09/09/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 900

You deserved it 5 044

By Anonymous - 22/06/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 392

You deserved it 11 793

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 056

You deserved it 16 176

thatonetree 9

Sunday 6 October 2013 2:26

That is a pretty impressive skill. You gotta give it to him

ABillOnFire 15

Sunday 6 October 2013 2:27

it's reasons like this we were placed on this planet

Comments

alienator_fml 4

Sunday 6 October 2013 3:34

Well, that makes 2 things on his dick within the last year.

Dusty_Busters 15

Sunday 6 October 2013 3:37

That is actually pretty cool

emuexport 4

Sunday 6 October 2013 3:38

That must have taken a lot of practice :):):), be proud

ethanman82 8

Sunday 6 October 2013 3:46

i guess you could say that he's (puts on sunglasses) one twisted dick. YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!

niftyismybitch 21

Sunday 6 October 2013 3:47

I see the next president of the USA...

buckdharma 36

Sunday 6 October 2013 3:58

#46- Tricky Dicky.

lightflo 5

Sunday 6 October 2013 3:54

Sounds like the opposite of an fml to me. Wouldn't you be happy that something terrible didn't happen to your newborn?

brittanyrose329 17

Sunday 6 October 2013 4:17

This made my day.

vikky538 28

Sunday 6 October 2013 4:20

that's one of a kind skill set...

Yolandababy2 14

Sunday 6 October 2013 4:22

But what I would like to know is what gave him the thought "hmmm I wonder if I could spin the top on my penis" the. Grabs top and starts experimenting. Lmao. That's funny