Intimacy: Emergency

Emergency

By -____- - 05/10/2013 21:28 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 361

You deserved it 7 441

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Same thing different taste

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 862

You deserved it 6 011

By chewybarseventy - 24/08/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 499

You deserved it 11 071

By KittyKat - 03/11/2013 14:22 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 946

You deserved it 7 099

Not now, Sweetie

By Redbeard - 24/01/2020 05:00

Today, while we had my husband's boss over, my 3-year-old son decided to burst into the living room naked and yell, "Mum, look! Penis!" and wiggle it around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 368

Hey there!

By LadyLola - 25/11/2013 05:22 - United States - Dayton

Today, my mom visited. While she was using the bathroom, my man-child of a husband thought it would be funny to knock on the bathroom door with his penis, thinking it was me in there. She opened the door to find him standing there doing the "helicopter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 855

You deserved it 6 647

My little buddy

By Anonymous - 18/08/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 114

You deserved it 6 511

By fmlalways - 22/01/2011 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 780

You deserved it 5 152

By WOCOACH - 09/09/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 900

You deserved it 5 044

By Anonymous - 22/06/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 392

You deserved it 11 793

Peek a boo

By Anonymous - 08/05/2014 02:31 - United States - Tampa

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 056

You deserved it 16 176

thatonetree 9

Sunday 6 October 2013 2:26

That is a pretty impressive skill. You gotta give it to him

ABillOnFire 15

Sunday 6 October 2013 2:27

it's reasons like this we were placed on this planet

Comments

thatkid00117 16

Sunday 6 October 2013 2:40

All false emergencies aside, you gotta give credit where credit is due

buckdharma 36

Sunday 6 October 2013 2:40

Today it's a top, tonight it might be you.

LittleBastard 20

Sunday 6 October 2013 4:58

I don't think so, cause they're married with a newborn. Most importantly, they're married.

AshesNicole623 17

Sunday 6 October 2013 6:14

63 - you're an idiot.

Enslaved 36

Sunday 6 October 2013 6:24

"Most importantly, they're married"? Strange comment from someone named "LittleBastard" lol

jamnglamgirlie 17

Sunday 6 October 2013 2:40

I don't know why that makes me nervous.

graceinsheepwear 33

Sunday 6 October 2013 2:44

Well, the stereotype is that men think everything revolves around their dicks. Maybe this was his interpretation of being on top of the world.

jw90 18

Sunday 6 October 2013 2:48

That's an amazing skill. I gotta hand that to him.

starfish7 18

Sunday 6 October 2013 2:49

He knows what's important in life ;)

utrax 23

Sunday 6 October 2013 3:06

Damn, I would also be proud if I managed to do that.

AK2559 7

Sunday 6 October 2013 3:19

My husband thinks that's amazing.

DedicatedNova 13

Sunday 6 October 2013 3:24

I wish I could do that. Sounds like a good pastime.

unlucky_04 10

Sunday 6 October 2013 3:33

Whoa! OP's hubby is a seriously creative guy. I mean, "spinning a top on the tip of his penis". Full marks for originality. Too bad all the creativity is balanced finely on the tip! ;)