Drugs and Health: Flying high

Flying high

By jkim - 08/09/2014 17:56 - United States - San Diego

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three Percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 809

You deserved it 3 955

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Stranded

By digressions - 29/12/2011 19:01 - Canada

Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 537

You deserved it 3 945

By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, I had a minor outpatient procedure that required sedation. I am not supposed to drive or even be alone for 24 hours. My husband wouldn't take the day off to go with me, and instead of coming home from work, he is at the bar with his coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 089

You deserved it 3 470

Hammer-headed

By Anonymous - 11/08/2014 16:27 - Canada - Saint John

Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment is for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket, because walking is "too painful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 258

You deserved it 4 938

Remember planking?

By say dump him and i'll kill you - 29/12/2012 00:50 - United Kingdom - Soham

Today, proving that there's no limit to the stupid shit people will do, my husband called me from hospital, needing a lift home. He tried planking on top of his car while his buddies sped it down a hill, and I now have to take care of him while his broken leg heals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 748

You deserved it 4 109

Help!

By Agonised - 29/05/2021 00:01

Today, I went to the hospital for crippling back pain that made it impossible to walk. The doctor was more interested in telling me off for not taking a pill that he admitted doesn't help acute pain. He then gave me an injection that wore off in an hour, and sent me home, telling me to take over the counter meds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 103

No pain, no meds

By I don’t stink - 01/05/2020 20:00

Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 986

You deserved it 309

Denial

By Anonymous - 12/12/2022 18:00

Today, out of sheer stubbornness, my husband forced himself to go to the toilet despite severe constipation. He forced it so hard he now has a migraine and his nose won’t stop bleeding, but he won’t go see a doctor. He could have burst an artery in his brain but no, he knows better than "some doctor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 162

Rhythm method

By booty backfire - 01/05/2014 17:31 - United States

Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 995

You deserved it 7 746

Panic

By Danger Dave - 21/12/2020 04:58

Today, it's been almost 24 hours since my wife bent down and couldn't get back up. After laying in bed all day in agony with a bad back, an ambulance was called. She still currently can't stand in the hospital. I have two kids to look after and am supposed to be in work tomorrow. I have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 589

You deserved it 552

When pranking goes too far

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 20:01

Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 196

ihaveasushicat 24

Monday 8 September 2014 23:43

Hide his keys...

BigLatchZatch 14

Monday 8 September 2014 23:48

In his pants - he'll never find them.

Comments

ladytigerhunts 20

Monday 8 September 2014 23:53

Knock him out with a TV! On a serious note, hide every car keys you can find and lock car doors, too!

orbit 22

Tuesday 9 September 2014 4:57

I would personally choose a hat rack over a tv, much classier

littleteapot 21

Tuesday 9 September 2014 5:02

Put sugar in the gas tank!

tournamentdecide 33

Wednesday 10 September 2014 4:29

Yes, lets mess up their vehicle when we can just hide the items to enter said automobile.

Khaleesi_26 30

Monday 8 September 2014 23:55

Drugs are bad mmmkay

whenitdidhappen 14

Tuesday 9 September 2014 4:10

the kids-mmlp

thebestofboth 20

Tuesday 9 September 2014 4:54

It's a South Park reference guys

GentlemanBastard 15

Tuesday 9 September 2014 4:59

#50 was referencing a song that referenced South Park. Refrenception.

jvfelicio 13

Tuesday 9 September 2014 6:11

Cool stories bros, keep it to yourself.

iluvFMLs15 19

Tuesday 9 September 2014 9:04

#69 - stupid comment bro, keep it to yourself....

sdroze1389 31

Tuesday 9 September 2014 0:02

tell him casual Friday still has pants on the dress code

thebigtwinkie 28

Tuesday 9 September 2014 0:06

Haha

SamanthaThe1st 22

Tuesday 9 September 2014 0:06

My father was the same way. He knew everything and if you disagreed with him, you're a shark's dinner

jamal_hall 8

Tuesday 9 September 2014 0:09

Hide his keys, or don't put gas in the car lol

tournamentdecide 33

Wednesday 10 September 2014 4:32

You do realize you don't empty your car of whatever gas was there when you get home then refill it before you leave, right?

orbit 22

Wednesday 29 October 2014 5:31

Maybe they live in a bad neighborhood

countryb_cth 38

Tuesday 9 September 2014 0:13

Make sure to hid his keys. Or in his delusional state try and just convince him the car is in the bedroom lol

PoisonOrchid 21

Tuesday 9 September 2014 0:14

Just distract him long enough for him to pass out. If he's not used to narcotics, it'll happen any minute now..

MossyMegaMan 20

Tuesday 9 September 2014 0:34

Shit's strong. That's sad, but I'm not surprised. Percocet ain't nothin' to mess with.

GentlemanBastard 15

Tuesday 9 September 2014 3:55

You're thinking of Wu-Tang, I think. And it's "**** with"

FYlife604 18

Tuesday 9 September 2014 18:52

Lol same thing I was thinking wu-tang ain't nothin' to **** with

elsuperloco68 12

Tuesday 9 September 2014 0:47

Let him. What's the big deal.

slyde32 12

Tuesday 9 September 2014 1:01

just that he's high on the medication, no biggie

rocker_chick23 27

Tuesday 9 September 2014 1:15

Because he is high as a kite and might kill someone if he drove.

False_Stupidity 41

Tuesday 9 September 2014 2:57

Driving under the influence of strong drugs is never a good idea, pants or no pants.

Keywords

Miscellaneous My ex Awkward Love AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Relatable Mental health Therapy Argument Kids Parenting Thanksgiving Covid Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Cold weather Annoying Snow Cheating Work Money DIY

The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 63

Today, thinking no one was home, I decided to be a little frisky with my boyfriend. I guess I was being loud and woke up my sleeping autistic brother the room over. Halfway through, he burst through the door, panicking. He thought I was having another one of my asthma attacks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 981

You deserved it 9 781

The Top

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 886

You deserved it 4 561

Today, I found out that you can get arrested for holding up a 'free hugs' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 822

You deserved it 11 603

Today, my cat vomited down my heater vent. It went very far down. I'm not even sure if I got all of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 136

Today, I saw a photo on Facebook of all my best friends from high school together at a 50th birthday party I wasn't invited to. I knew the birthday guy for longer than any of them and introduced everyone in high school. They wouldn't even know him without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 163

You deserved it 1 057

Today, I paid for earrings at a craft fair. A kid came up from behind and started crying. The kid's mom said the kid saw earrings first and dropped them to grab an adult. The kid was allowed to cry hysterically until the hall went silent. I said, “You can have it.” Suddenly, the kid stops crying and the mom goes, “Oh that’s so kind, are you sure?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 306

Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had with his nutjob of a girlfriend. It was so bizarrely similar to a fight we had recently that she accused me of not having any balls and bitching about her to strangers. It wasn't even my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 877

You deserved it 2 074

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Comments