Intimacy: Follow the script

Follow the script

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139 355

You deserved it 14 494

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By JoshuasGirl - 23/12/2013 19:13 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After he'd repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me, he passed out halfway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 098

You deserved it 6 453

Instructions

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 567

You deserved it 16 443

By disapointed girl - 28/12/2009 16:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 008

You deserved it 5 892

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 180

You deserved it 8 219

ADHD brain

By Unknown - 18/10/2011 04:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple of seconds later and played video games instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 937

You deserved it 6 402

First time?

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 11:56 - United States - Westminster

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It was also the first time he'd ever had sex. How could I tell? He cried all the way through, and called his parents right after. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 285

You deserved it 6 901

By Blueberrypicc - 13/08/2010 01:01 - United States

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 325

You deserved it 38 090

By Confused - 22/08/2012 16:33 - Spain - Madrid

Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 767

You deserved it 4 416

By Anonymous - 15/01/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 790

You deserved it 6 662

By Kiddo - 02/09/2013 06:49 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 005

You deserved it 7 446

alex_vik 0

Friday 20 March 2009 9:02

LOL, that's a first. I wonder what it said.. 1. Finger her. 2. Put on condom 3. Insert penis 4. ???? 5. Profit!

Katylolo 0

Friday 20 March 2009 9:09

Okay, that's actually pretty sweet. I mean, he was so worried about doing everything just right for you that he didn't want his nerves to get in the way and forget what he was doing. But maybe this means you guys are a little too young to be doing this? At least be safe, use condoms.

Comments

alotta_fachina 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:27

lol that's not cute, you don't need to 'remember' what to do during sex...

KenMcGormick 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:31

is he mumbling something like... "ok... 1... get hard... 2... finger.... 3 kiss... 4... hmmm 4......"

richard9876 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:47

thats hilarious

amykillswitch 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:47

bahahahahahahahah! omg that made my day.

ijrnelson 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:48

he must be pretty young if he didn't know the procedure, not that it's difficult! Worrying

Ender_ 0

Friday 20 March 2009 16:49

At least he didn't write the notes on his arm and pretended to check his watch every time he got lost.

goodthingidgaf 0

Friday 20 March 2009 17:03

what is he? like twelve?

bkk1993 0

Friday 20 March 2009 17:05

Aww this shouldn't be a "FML" type of thing. It's so cute how nervous he was!

so_f0cked 0

Friday 20 March 2009 17:05

aww thats cute! he was nervous! did you see what he had written down? were there illustrations? hehehehe

skatingweasel 0

Friday 20 March 2009 17:19

well, obviously he missed the most important step if hes reaching in his pocket. "get undressed" I can see why it would be difficult to do anything if your missing that step.