Customers, Religion and Work: Forgive me

Forgive me

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the Crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 775

You deserved it 4 323

End-of-year festivities: New Year's Eve fun and frolics
End the year on a high note with anecdotes where every New Year's Eve firecracker is synonymous with laughter! More…

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Same thing different taste

For life

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got my first tattoo. When I showed my boyfriend, he asked where I got the design. I told him I saw it in a sketch book of his. He designed it for his last girlfriend, who got it in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 324

You deserved it 62 281

Suspicious

By StevieMe - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 782

You deserved it 99 809

Lucky

By mislabelled mother - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I got my first tattoo. I didn't realise that the font I chose uses a fancy capital L that can easily be mistaken for a capital F. It looks like I have "I'm A Good Fuck Charm" tattooed on my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 984

You deserved it 6 229

Paranoid

By MaddyN - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Forest Grove

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 043

You deserved it 3 537

Caturday surprise!

By keeperstride - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 817

You deserved it 72 179

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 18:55 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 863

You deserved it 4 724

Back to square one

By nurseITHINKNOT - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally started my job as an in-home caregiver. The man I was hired to care for died two hours after I made it to his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 803

You deserved it 3 958

Taking the piss

By Mug - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 255

You deserved it 2 235

I'm confused

By confusedbagel - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 510

You deserved it 4 113

Snappy

By DamnDogs - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work as a groomer's assistant, my boss said something that I didn't catch as I went to take a leash off a dog. I looked at my boss and said, "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 743

You deserved it 5 734

zingline89 18

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:08

Did it take him 3 days to rise? If so, you're not very good.

winfieldALJD 6

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:34

I love how the FML Team can't be thumbed up or down.

Comments

bigredmonkeybutt 28

Thursday 22 November 2012 16:57

It's a tattoo.

cloudygirl5 16

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:19

Hello fml guy named Alan!!!!

mfischer 17

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:20

Hey now, yours is Alan. That doesn't sound very reliable or realis...actually, never mind.

winfieldALJD 6

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:34

I love how the FML Team can't be thumbed up or down.

ALlamaOnFire 20

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:46

6 - because OP said it was a tattoo...

sens3sfailing 24

Thursday 22 November 2012 18:30

Alan, it's thanks giving, aren't you going to get all boozed up anyway?

DocBastard 38

Thursday 22 November 2012 18:40

*almost pokes Alan* I'm not touching you! Not touching you!

SqueakyChipmunk 21

Thursday 22 November 2012 20:13

*pushes DocBastard* Now you are! Mwahaha!!!

little_one 20

Thursday 22 November 2012 21:18

Alan is going to get British drunk!

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

Friday 23 November 2012 3:18

Is it just me or do you all get really excited too when the FML team comment?

honeybadgerr 9

Friday 23 November 2012 4:22

80- Bloody hell, do i ever! Especially when they make fun of the hogwash other ppl post

yousuck44 11

Friday 23 November 2012 4:43

I hate that, I wanted to thumb Alan up since I liked his comment.

ollie179 21

Thursday 22 November 2012 16:58

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

newbiehere99 6

Thursday 22 November 2012 18:41

This comment made me repent.

desoto96 9

Thursday 22 November 2012 20:35

That'll be 4 Hail Marys.

Sandman366 6

Thursday 22 November 2012 20:59

And three Our Fathers.

sonicgreg 12

Thursday 22 November 2012 22:25

And your first-born child.

Mariebaz 11

Friday 23 November 2012 4:06

That escalated quickly.

tsent8 15

Friday 23 November 2012 4:06

He'll smite you after you finish his back

JesMommy 11

Tuesday 5 March 2013 16:23

Also five rosaries and the stations of the cross. Bless you my child.

dinorider_fml 4

Thursday 22 November 2012 16:58

Maybe you just massaged Jesus too

Myo_fml 20

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:33

You don't say?

sens3sfailing 24

Thursday 22 November 2012 18:33

Was I the only one who imagined 26's profile pic yelling you don't say?

fridabloman 3

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:02

I think Jesus liked it! Bless you :)

PerfasarusRex 3

Saturday 24 November 2012 0:20

MeLuvBewbs 7

Thursday 22 November 2012 17:02

Better pray long and hard. Thanksgiving is coming up, here's your chance!

newbiehere99 6

Thursday 22 November 2012 18:34

Hmmm, what did I miss something here. I see Thanksgiving and Jesus. Was the Last Supper really God's way of saying Happy Thanksgiving? Jesus, Easter ... Jesus, Christmas ... Jesus, Thanksgiving? Father, forgive her, for she know not what she do.

starbunnytwinkle 3

Thursday 22 November 2012 18:35

Wth does Thanksgiving have to do with Jesus?

Pretty_Pink_Lady 10

Thursday 22 November 2012 21:14

Little known fact - Jesus actually joined the pilgrims and natives for dinner. He brought a heavenly apple pie.

outoftown 26

Thursday 22 November 2012 22:49

Just... no. Christmas has already conquered Thanksgiving and Veteran's Day, and it's zeroing in on Halloween. Don't encourage it.

MalloryKnox 8

Friday 23 November 2012 15:16

Perhaps 5 was referring to saying grace before dinner? I bet you could slip in an apology for massaging Jesus. But my family never gives it more effort than "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub. Yay God!" so I can't be completely sure...