Animals: Freakout

Freakout

By emmey - 23/07/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 918

You deserved it 44 881

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Bath time [GONE WRONG][CREEPYPASTA]

By noname - 27/12/2008 04:07 - France

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 307

You deserved it 23 904

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 452

You deserved it 875

By Anonymous - 14/03/2010 20:30 - United States

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 662

You deserved it 8 343

By buttercup92 - 31/05/2016 03:45 - United States - San Antonio

Today, while hiking, I walked face first into a spider web. Freaking out, I shook my hair out in case there was a spider. Later on in the day the spider fell from my hair into my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 954

You deserved it 1 163

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 321

You deserved it 7 652

He was just chillin'

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 13:59

Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 1 010

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 14 263

By fack - 29/07/2015 14:41 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 659

You deserved it 10 791

By SpideyFace - 19/03/2011 01:36 - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 918

You deserved it 5 873

By eebie jeebies - 30/05/2016 15:31 - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 483

You deserved it 3 180

emzy08 0

Friday 24 July 2009 0:50

how can you be allergic to spiders?

Shadic 0

Friday 24 July 2009 2:19

Actually, you can be. I'm allergic to just about any type of insect/bug bite/sting. Spiders/mosquitoes/bees, etc. I'll swell up about 2-3x more than a "normal" person would, and the swelling will last for up to two weeks. First time I was bit by a horse fly, I was taken to a hospital.

Comments

kira822_fml 0

Friday 24 July 2009 4:34

Omg! My mum broke her tailbone when she was young. She calls it her butt bone. Whenever she sits for a long time in an uncomfortable seat or position, her left leg gets numb.

englandrulz 0

Friday 24 July 2009 4:46

lol thats funny...i had to tell my mom....i never knew you could be allergic to spiders...lol i'm STILL laughing!!!! ROFL

plexico 3

Friday 24 July 2009 4:48

If a clump of your pubes that goes missing looks like a huge, black spider, you should consider some trimming in your crotchetal region. Maybe you boyfriend would go down on you if he didn't fear he'd get lost in the Black Forest! Clean it up down there!

sacredpoppy 0

Friday 24 July 2009 6:58

Uhhh... I think I missed the part where the OP said it was her pubic hair. Try not to be an idiot next time, k?

plexico 3

Friday 24 July 2009 7:36

Are you saying it's chest hair? Gross! Read between the lines, sweetie, it didn't explicitly say "head hair," so our imaginations are left to run wild. Your problem is that you are stuck with a conventional mind. This first thing that comes to your mind, the normal thing, is the only thing you can imagine. I get the normal image first, too, but my mind can challenge the assumptions I originally accepted and imagine what the scene would be if those assumptions were false. This makes my mind superior, not idiotic. I don't just write nutty FML comments -- I am also trying to use my power for good in other ways. But making people laugh is a pretty good contribution to the world, too.

oooshiny 0

Tuesday 28 July 2009 17:58

haha, uhhh, I think I missed the part where you thought you were being clever. Next time try not to be a boner-killer, kthnxbai!!!1!one!!

effthis 0

Friday 24 July 2009 5:06

quoted from another fml "you gotta shave that shit"

poison29 0

Friday 24 July 2009 5:59

it's sad that you can quote other FMLs.

lifeloathesme 0

Friday 24 July 2009 5:13

Even if you aren't allegic to spiders it's good to not be bit so saying you were allergic was uneeded

Amethyst_fml 0

Friday 24 July 2009 5:20

Too bad you aren't blonde like me. Na na na na na na na.

plexico 3

Friday 24 July 2009 6:28

And you have matching luggage? If so, nice!

cocky 0

Friday 24 July 2009 5:37

you can't be allergic to spiders. they're either venomous or they aren't.

cmac86 23

Friday 24 July 2009 5:41

ydi for sleeping at your bfs house and presumably sleeping with him. dumb bitch.

poison29 0

Friday 24 July 2009 6:00

you need to be euthanized immediately.

lilsweets2587 0

Friday 24 July 2009 5:48

#73-seriously? I don't sleep with the guys I date, but chill out, it's the norm for most people. And HAHAHA, I'm sorry, it's hilarious, but only because I've also freaked out over hair in the tub, I'm horribly near-sighted and canNOT tell the difference :)