Sex, Wanker and Intimacy: Get on with it, dude

Get on with it, dude

By alpine75 - 03/05/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door. A clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was OK. I have to go back next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 010

You deserved it 8 541

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Same thing different taste

By manlyman - 05/04/2009 13:32 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I are having some fertility problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said, "Mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 320

You deserved it 5 310

Straining

By NoPeeGiven - 14/04/2013 05:10 - United States - Palatine

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 893

You deserved it 9 991

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 19:10 - United States

Today, when I was at the gynecologist my dr told me that I was really tense and the exam would be impossible if I didnt relax. So I started thinking about my boyfriend to relax and my mind went back to our last sex session. I started getting wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 286

You deserved it 70 055

By missy - 09/03/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 444

You deserved it 8 678

Prostate implies an Antistate

By artsmart1 - 06/03/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 418

You deserved it 2 947

Disorderly conduct

By Never Going Back To The Doctor - 04/07/2013 07:03 - United States

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 774

You deserved it 12 468

By overflowing - 16/04/2011 22:20 - United States

Today, I had to take a mandatory drug test with the doctor present. Nervous, I couldn't get myself to pee in the cup right away. When I finally did, I couldn't stop myself from overfilling the cup and getting pee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 199

You deserved it 8 672

By analbel - 05/11/2018 12:00

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 850

You deserved it 219

By jons - 17/02/2009 21:54 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 525

You deserved it 3 608

By erectioninfection - 01/05/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 867

You deserved it 26 597

onelove7563 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:08

you know, you can always have the nurse come in and 'assist' you... haven't you ever seen road trip?

codesniper1313 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:03

It's just a dry spell. Drink plenty of water and you'll be spraying that jungle juice again in no time!

Comments

SysRq_ 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:21

Y'all assume it was a female nurse. Then again, here I am assuming this guy is straight.

Vilen1025 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:22

How is this an FML?

awkwardass 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:28

#8 You just made my day. XDDD

cowwart 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:35

You could just bring some **** next week

shali14 0

Sunday 26 June 2011 3:41

uhhm they usually have them in there

Arch27 27

Thursday 27 December 2012 21:09

And LOTS of it.

null_fml 11

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:38

ROFL #8. Anyway, yeah, don't think you're the first person this happened to. I'm sure they get that a lot.

nicky187 1

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:41

Were either of the ones who walked in "hot" or even "work hot"?

iPhanny 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:49

Lol #5. Lmao #8!

DannyRage 0

Monday 4 May 2009 0:00

FYL. I can't stop laughing at #8 just as everyone else is.

tjh116 0

Monday 4 May 2009 0:01

they didn't give you magazines or anything to help you out?

Trebek 0

Monday 4 May 2009 0:03

This happened in Naked Gun 33 1/3.

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The Top

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 048

You deserved it 1 482

Today, I had to share my room with my cousin while she stayed over. I let her take my bed while I slept on the floor. Not only do my back and neck hurt, but I had to clean vomit out of my hair. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling well" last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 765

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The Top

Today, I had to tell my adult daughter that living in a pigsty house, breastfeeding when she can be bothered, changing a nappy only once a day, and leaving the baby at any relative's house while she shops is not adequate parenting, and unless she improves, I’m getting social services involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 173

Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 170

You deserved it 10 375

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

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You deserved it 7 350

Today, after my dad trying every bait, hormone, and poison, the cockroaches in this apartment have gone crazy. They are trying to kill themselves. One tried to commit suicide, by suffocation, in my mouth this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 214

You deserved it 3 690

Today, my mother bitched me out for not coming to my sister's birthday tomorrow. She's 25 and lives at home, and she, my mother, and father all have Covid. FML

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You deserved it 113

Today, I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend I was taking my kids to my mother's until he has decided if he wants to carry on being a boyfriend and stepfather. While we were gone, he apparently realised how good his life could be without us, and dumped me. I fucked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 1 512