Intimacy: Today, I went to my girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both...

By Lootz - 03/05/2009 17:10 - United States

Today, I went to my girlfriend's sorority formal, we were both drunk. We went into the bathroom, she started to give me head. After about 30 seconds the song changes and she jumps up and goes out to dance, leaving me there. Door open. Penis out. It was the song she requested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 389

You deserved it 20 166

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
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Same thing different taste

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 823

You deserved it 26 498

Crazy best friend

By Anonymous - 05/12/2019 18:00

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my boyfriend, and my drunk best friend knocked on our door. We screamed 'go away' and she still opened the door. She then saw us, and asked if she can join. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 725

You deserved it 744

By H-B - 28/04/2009 08:53 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 603

You deserved it 88 957

By Bliss - 09/02/2009 18:24 - United States

Today, I gave my drink to a girl who I got with previously and started to dance with her. She backed off after a few seconds, took my drink and danced with my friend who was standing right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 014

You deserved it 5 916

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 094

You deserved it 7 095

Tasty

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 20:00

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 297

Karaoke Dinner Disaster

By Jonathan Park - 05/03/2020 09:06 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I went on a first date. She got plastered within the first hour, then a song came on in the restaurant and she told me, "This song's about meeeeee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 177

By cumguzzler - 06/03/2009 16:14 - United States

Today, I was at this awesome party and I was dancing with this really attractive girl who started making out with me all of a sudden. Five minutes later, my friend told me that the girl had just given him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 711

You deserved it 11 940

Careless Whisper?

By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 110

You deserved it 1 247

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 623

You deserved it 4 799

trackrunner525 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:05

lmao, that sucks man...blue balls :-p

coloradodude12 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:06

Ouch. But she was drunk.

Comments

eevee_fml 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:02

Dr_Jalepenos 0

Friday 8 July 2011 1:19

did someone take her place?

shimmyya88 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:05

Oh man, that sucks. I guess next time you're down on her stop 1/2way through when she's enjoying it.

bobmandude 0

Sunday 28 February 2010 18:06

Now that is comedy!

NatDancer2010 0

Monday 24 May 2010 5:47

hahaha I like this for some reason lol

VSOLORIO 0

Friday 28 May 2010 13:37

lmao :)

CrazyDutch 0

Saturday 18 June 2011 13:52

your face looks like a pig... oink oink :-P

mikepzz 27

Monday 16 February 2015 23:18

That's not very nice..

trackrunner525 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:05

lmao, that sucks man...blue balls :-p

pu13 5

Sunday 13 June 2010 8:12

lmao that sucks man double post

asoptavlo14 6

Tuesday 22 November 2011 5:27

Lmao that sucks man Combo Breaker.

trackrunner525 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:05

lmao, that sucks man...blue balls :-p

coloradodude12 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:06

Ouch. But she was drunk.

shellstation 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:06

I'd have to agree with her.

slutsstud 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:07

what about other sorority sisters?.. they wouldn't have minded either, I'm sure... finish giving u head that is. lol

survivalism 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:07

So what's it like having a girlfriend who's a complete *****?

cadh22 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:08

sucks dude

what_the_fail 0

Thursday 4 February 2010 1:54

He's doing better than most guys.....

Shadic 0

Sunday 3 May 2009 23:09

Gotta agree with #8 there.

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Awkward Sleep Work Love Dating Annoying Am I overreacting? Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Relatable Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic Video games Gamers Zoom

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I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 15

Today, while sitting at a table in a coffee shop, I overheard someone on the next table talking about their horrible boss. I joined in, complaining about mine, and going into great detail about what an arsehole he can be. Turns out, I was talking to my boss's sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 651

The Top

Today, while waiting in line with my 4-year-old son, I had to awkwardly apologize to an African-American gentleman and explain to my son that the man was not made out of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 750

You deserved it 2 630

Today, my wife of 12 years informed me that the only sexual activity she is interested in is foreplay, and she absolutely doesn't want to go any further than that anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 873

You deserved it 5 678

Today, as I returned home, I noticed some movement inside my house. Thinking it was a break-in, I called 911. It was my friends and some coworkers trying to throw me a surprise birthday party. Nobody's said a word to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 093

You deserved it 8 941

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 364

You deserved it 22 489

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 298

You deserved it 8 871

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 166

You deserved it 26 439

Same thing different taste

Crazy best friend

Tasty

Karaoke Dinner Disaster

Careless Whisper?

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