Awkward, Wanker and Intimacy: Got the sniffles

Got the sniffles

By Jizzyface - 29/12/2013 12:36 - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 381

You deserved it 28 894

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet - 26/09/2015 01:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 616

You deserved it 2 242

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 645

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 360

You deserved it 665

Classy

By bkay26 - 29/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 808

You deserved it 7 657

Classic

By skjjj - 26/04/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's communion. We arrived late and walked to the front of the church where my family was. Everyone stared and laughed but I ignored it. After the service was done, my mom came up to me and pulled a long piece of toilet paper out of my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 584

You deserved it 13 315

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

Please…

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 110

You deserved it 66 300

Cosy chat

By sick and awkward - 20/05/2012 06:11 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 345

You deserved it 3 584

By laughingflame - 04/08/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 164

You deserved it 12 922

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 769

You deserved it 5 870

MooCowPlywood 9

Sunday 29 December 2013 19:17

Hopefully your nose isn't pregnant...

aforbiddendance 23

Sunday 29 December 2013 19:18

Now you (kind of) know how girls feel.

Comments

last_patriot 10

Monday 30 December 2013 0:40

And you couldn't have said that you had just blown your nose instead? Still FYL.

minna97 14

Monday 30 December 2013 1:09

I live in an atheist household and we're not allowed to lock our doors either. It's not the religion, just strict parents.

buttcramp 21

Monday 30 December 2013 1:26

what if she only does this because she already knew what you were doing and this was the punishment?

knight2109 12

Monday 30 December 2013 1:49

this is why locks were made. don't hand one? then install one.

TrueColours 9

Monday 30 December 2013 1:53

Come on your face isn't that bad. Women do it all the time, it's called a facial. And having your own come touch you is arguably less gross than someone else's, because at least you know where you've been!

russfml 31

Monday 30 December 2013 2:22

Fyl you should have just showed her your **** used Kleenex if she asked and been like its snot you want to see?

wopchop12 8

Monday 30 December 2013 4:06

All this talk is making me wanna **********

xThatOneWeirdGuy 18

Monday 30 December 2013 4:45

Hey, I'm sure some people who read that found it pretty sexy. xD

midnightm16 24

Monday 30 December 2013 4:46

I'm also living in a Christian home and my grandma would get upset if I even closed my door. When I got a little older though I stood up to her. Unfortunately my door doesn't lock though.