Awkward, Wanker and Intimacy: Got the sniffles

Got the sniffles

By Jizzyface - 29/12/2013 12:36 - United Kingdom - Wilmslow

Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 383

You deserved it 28 894

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Same thing different taste

Creepy

By Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet - 26/09/2015 01:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 616

You deserved it 2 242

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 646

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 665

Classy

By bkay26 - 29/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 808

You deserved it 7 657

Classic

By skjjj - 26/04/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I went to my cousin's communion. We arrived late and walked to the front of the church where my family was. Everyone stared and laughed but I ignored it. After the service was done, my mom came up to me and pulled a long piece of toilet paper out of my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 585

You deserved it 13 315

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

Please…

By Anonymous - 08/04/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I was afraid my mother had seen the bottle of hand lotion I'd forgotten to take off the desk after I'd whacked off last night, but she acted fine. I went out with friends to find she'd had changed the background to say "Please Do Not Watch Porn on the Family Computer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 110

You deserved it 66 300

Cosy chat

By sick and awkward - 20/05/2012 06:11 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 345

You deserved it 3 584

By laughingflame - 04/08/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, I was caught whacking off by my mother. She now takes every free moment of her time to read extracts from the Bible to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 164

You deserved it 12 922

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 770

You deserved it 5 870

MooCowPlywood 9

Sunday 29 December 2013 19:17

Hopefully your nose isn't pregnant...

aforbiddendance 23

Sunday 29 December 2013 19:18

Now you (kind of) know how girls feel.

Comments

Dcm210 19

Monday 30 December 2013 5:49

LOCK YOUR DOOR!!

x_the_lancer_x 13

Wednesday 1 January 2014 21:54

Like that isn't anymore suspicious, I mean come on!! A teenage boy in their room and their door is randomly locked. Nothing gives the smell of masturbation more.

mikewally 6

Monday 30 December 2013 6:44

Hope you didn't get any of that "snot" on your nose. ewe!

Hypnotic5206 10

Monday 30 December 2013 7:01

f that is just b like mom just wacked it. it in the tissue may throw it away plz Lol

x_the_lancer_x 13

Wednesday 1 January 2014 21:55

I am curious about the language you are attempting to speak in. Origins of it please?

buckdharma 37

Monday 30 December 2013 7:07

I'm gonna be a doctor so you have to listen. This is serious O K! Your sperm guys are swimming up your nose looking for an egg as I speak. When they find your brain they're going to fertilizer it. You'll have shit fer brains!

HisAngel6511 11

Monday 30 December 2013 7:59

I live in a Christian home and my parents don't like for us to lock our doors, but they always knock before they come in...Privacy is allowed they just don't see a reason for locking the door.