Friends, Drunk, Annoying and Miscellaneous: Great seeing you again

Great seeing you again

By Kristin - 03/01/2011 04:14 - United States

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 592

You deserved it 3 911

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Wait for the hangover

By Carpet cleaner - 21/02/2012 02:15 - Canada

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 122

You deserved it 2 676

College life

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 11:33 - Germany

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 990

You deserved it 2 363

Party animal

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 02:04

Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 193

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 01:53 - United States

Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 427

You deserved it 6 089

Partaaaaay!

By Anonymous - 18/07/2013 18:16 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I'd set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 128

You deserved it 46 983

By hnickell93 - 09/10/2012 01:55 - United States - Visalia

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 743

You deserved it 5 406

What happened?

By ....ew - 05/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 169

By theRoomie - 02/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 820

You deserved it 2 839

There goes the neighborhood…

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 11:00

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 66

By philip708 - 27/08/2015 06:46 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 720

You deserved it 1 824

takeapieandrun 9

Monday 3 January 2011 9:07

At least he pooped in the trashcan...

Argento1301 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:07

sounds like a fun guy

Comments

mejiiaa 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:37

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHA

x_missystaceey 0

Monday 3 January 2011 10:22

you're a cheerleader ?!!!!!!

iSnowboard 0

Monday 3 January 2011 11:17

u creeper worst of all I know u 0-0

blondeandhot 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:38

Have fun with him when he is hung over tomorrow haha.

skyeyez9 24

Monday 3 January 2011 9:40

Probably wiped his ass with the Burger King wrapper he saw in the trash.

helloletsgo 0

Monday 3 January 2011 11:38

probably has skid marks

Acousticpixie14 6

Monday 3 January 2011 9:41

Hahah this reminds me of You, Me, and Dupree [:

nights_fml 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:42

You should take a dump on his chest and use your boobs to spread it all over.

cowboyy_fml 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:47

sounds like something I would do

sloaan 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:50

How... shitty.

tbbucs86 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:50

haha that sounds like me

ltsmark 0

Monday 3 January 2011 9:55

Cool story bro.

rafiki19 1

Friday 7 January 2011 5:40

thanks man . that is so insensitive and compketley annoyinng . you honestly had to write that

15thPrestige 0

Monday 3 January 2011 10:06

it's your fault, you didn't Prestige.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 685

You deserved it 9 289

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 843

You deserved it 17 114

The Top

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his Facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 309

You deserved it 3 797

Today, I got screwed over by the justice system. I make just over £20,000 a year, my ex makes over £250,000. We share custody of our kids 50/50 and yet I’m the one paying her child support. Our kids are very well cared for; she doesn’t need that money. I survive on instant noodles and tap water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 144

Today, I watched Change-Up with my dad. He made us leave half-way through the movie, because he thought I was too young to watch a movie this explicit. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 791

You deserved it 3 263

Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 255

You deserved it 254

Today, I asked my crush out for coffee but she wanted to go shopping. When she pulled me into the dressing room for my opinion on a bikini, I told her this was too fast for a first date. She looked at me in absolute horror. She thought I was gay, as in a harmless gay friend she could take shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 263

Today, I found out that I was conceived during a conjugal visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 471

You deserved it 3 088